This week on Sports On TV, we tackle the horror/comedy/drama/everything else of ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer,’ the 1997-2003 hit that catapulted Avengers director Joss Whedon into public consciousness, gave Sarah Michelle Gellar seven more years of television success and adapted a semi-forgotten Kristy Swanson movie into a layered, sometimes absurd and always worth-talking-about cult classic.

And yeah, believe it or not, Buffy had more than 20 great sports moments. I was originally going to supplement the list with a few ‘Angel’ moments (personalized hockey jerseys for babies!), but I revisited the show, re-watched several of my favorite episodes and found so many things to talk about I could barely fit it into a part 1.

If you’re a fan of vampires, good television or magical axes that give teens the power to kick through somebody’s chest, you’ll love this week’s column. Please click through to enjoy my picks for ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’s’ 20 greatest sports moments.

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Quick show of hands. Who’s tired of zombies?

If your hand isn’t up, you’re going to love this clip for a Norwegian sporting goods store called XXL. In it, a town gets attacked by zombies and the citizens band together and kill them using sports. And, uh, fine sporting goods, available at your local XXL, I guess! Zombies lose their arms trying to play golf, get soccer balls kicked at their heads and get herded into a stadium where a bunch of hockey guys and gymnasts and waiting to Braveheart them to death.

It’s the kind of thing that wins Emmy awards in the United States, but the people of Norway weren’t having it — the commercial is getting the Madonna “only play it after x-o’clock” treatment, because I guess “in the middle of the night, when you are lonely and watching television” is the only time you are mentally prepared to be hypothetically killed by dead people.

Despite its gratuitous comical nonsense, viewers in Norway complained after the commercial for sporting goods store XXL aired during family-oriented programming, calling it irrelevant, disgusting and stupid, according to a Huffington Post translation of a Norwegian news website.

The commercial will now air after 9 p.m., when it will target teenagers and other zombies. (via HuffPo)

Of course, this is HuffPo, so there’s a chance the website said, “lol, watch this funny commercial” and nobody in Norway cares.

Anyway, here’s the clip. Wait until after 9 PM to watch it, please.

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I’ve prepared separate intro blurbs, depending on who you are. Find the one that is most appropriate for you!

I Don’t Watch Glee: I know, I know. Welcome to this week’s Sports On TV, featuring the first show I’ve ever watched specifically for the benefit of the column, FOX’s ‘Glee’. If you’ve never seen it, it’s a show your niece probably watched two or three years ago about a glee club at a Lima, Ohio, high school who interpret their feelings via reality-warping musical numbers. If you’ve never seen it and know what it is, yeah, it’s not great. However, if you’re a regular reader of the column, you’ll hopefully have a little faith in my writing/ability to write aggressively about stuff that sucks, so take a look through this one anyway. You’ll find a lot of funny jokes, a few pictures of hot girls and at least one video of zombie football players. That’s something, right?

I Watch Glee, And I Love It: Welcome to this week’s Sports On TV column, wherein I rag on that show you like because it’s not aimed at my intelligence level or demographic. Please read through the moments I’ve selected, tear apart any inaccuracies in my analysis, and show it to all of your friends so they can do the same. Make it really virally popular so nobody who likes ‘Glee’ will ever come here again!

I Watch Glee (Or Have Watched Glee) And Do Not Like It: You’re probably going to love this.

So please click through and enjoy the 20 greatest sports moments of ‘Glee’. *unnecessary bell ringing sound*

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Yesterday I wrote a little about sexy Australian hurdler Michelle Jenneke, and how we’d helped make her life miserable by exposing her to the creepy nooks of sexy and parody on the Internet. That got me thinking a lot about Kate Upton, a woman who purposefully used the Internet to wedge herself into those nooks, and how she’d been cyclically berated and celebrated by the Internet all year. Then I thought a little more about her, and I had to lie down.

The go-to spot online for bizarre online worship (assuming you don’t want a Chan page popping up in your browser history) is DeviantArt.com, a place where people of varying artistic ability upload their work, mention how they put no effort into it and showed it to you for no reason, then obsessively beg you for praise. So, uh … it’s like a blog, but in crappy sketch form.

Anyway, with Kate’s rise to prominence in 2012 via Sports Illustrated and Cat Daddying comes an increase presence on DeviantArt, so I’ve put together a collection of my favorite pieces. Inside: Kate being beaten up by Street Fighter characters, a little tentacle porn and a Nightmare On Elm Street crossover.

Yeah, I don’t know either.

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Dan is right: when you’re a multimillionaire, turning 50 is no big d! Make time for yourself!

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Links

Justin Halpern: The 6 Types of People You Meet During TV Pilot Season & Live Discussion Thread |Film Drunk|

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The “Make It Rain” Chronicles: 40 Timeless Strip Club Songs |Smoking Section|

Funny, Sexy, And Awesome Cosplay Of The Week |Gamma Squad|

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Puffy, Paper & Rap Politics, Ma$e Explains It All To Funkmaster Flex |Smoking Section|

‘Think Like a Man’ Recreated From Passive Aggressive Reviews |Film Drunk|

Doritos Locos Tacos Presents The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 4/23/12 |With Leather|

IMPORTANT BREAKING NEWS: Corky The Criss-Cross Cat Gets Life-Changing Surgery |Gamma Squad|

Did the Torture Sequence in this Week’s Episode of ‘Game of Thrones’ Go Too Far? |Warming Glow|

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This is basically what I look like when I’m watching ‘The Wire’. Somebody draw this guy a warm bath for Christ’s sake. (via Awful Announcing)

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Links

Potentially the 11 Most Crowd-Pleasing TV Deaths of 2012 |Warming Glow|

The 20 Best Ozzie Guillen Misquotes |With Leather|

Memes Do Come True: ‘Texts From Hillary’ Bros Meet With Hillary Clinton |UPROXX|

Donald Glover Talks About His ‘Amazing Spider-Man’ Easter Egg |Gamma Squad|

The Most Obnoxious Generation: An American Reunion Review |Film Drunk|

On Urban Meyer, Amateurism & Winning |Smoking Section|

The James Van Der Beek 6 Stages Of Fame |UPROXX|

The Incredible Portrait In Portrait Art Of Kim Dong Yoo |UPROXX|

The Start Of Your Ending: Mobb Deep Breaks Up On Twitter? Hav Calls Prodigy Gay? |Smoking Section|

Your Mid-Week Guide To DVD And Streaming |Film Drunk|

The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 4/9/12: The One With The Three Stooges |With Leather|

Five “Science Reports” We’re Tired Of Seeing |Gamma Squad|

Chevy Chase on ‘Community’: It’s a ‘F*cking Mediocre Sitcom’ |Warming Glow|

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