This horrifying, screaming fat guy in orange face paint singing on YouTube because he lost a college football bet thanks God because he doesn’t own the rights to Cyndi Lauper’s ‘Girls Just Want To Have Fun’. Vols fans always pay their bets! THANKS VOOOOLLLLSSS. (via Speleb)

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5 Things Ashton Kutcher Would Probably Rather Do Than Make Out With Mila Kunis |UPROXX|

Here’s The Actor Not Named Bill Murray Who Will Be Playing Jeff Winger’s Dad On ‘Community’ |Warming Glow|

Classic Armond White: Praising Resident Evil by bashing Scorsese, The Master |Film Drunk|

Slayer Sports News: Slayer Reacts To Slayer Being Mentioned On Sports |With Leather|

Two Chris Hemsworths? We’re Seeing Double In ‘Thor: The Dark World’ Set Pictures |Gamma Squad|

QoTD: Do You Take An Electronic Device To The Bathroom? |Smoking Section|

A Very Jay Cutler Encounter With Jay Cutler |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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I don’t know the specifics of what’s happening here, but here’s the gist: A gent on the Korean baseball team claims he was hit by a pitch, but everyone else in the game/stadium/world saw him lean out and elbow smash the ball. It’s a line drive foul, and one of the most hilariously dirty attempts at a play I’ve seen in a while. It’s like what happens in Derek Jeter’s mind every time the ball misses him by a foot and he collapses to the ground in agony.

Looks clean to me.

What I didn’t expect (because I’m stupid, and apparently just started blogging) is the response of YouTube commenters. I can’t read a lot of them, but the ones attempted in English are a wonderful mix of folky, racist and offensively general. Here are a few of my favorite examples from the last hour.

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What you’re watching is the latest video from the confrontationally-capitalized talkSPORT Magazine. “People Are Awesome” (Sports Edition) compiles some of the best videos of humans being “pretty bloody good at sport” and is a great way to spend five minutes of your holiday-weekend Friday afternoon. Your jaw’s guaranteed to drop at least once or twice.

The only problem is that about 10 seconds in the video compromises its integrity by throwing in an Evan Longoria Gillette commercial, causing me (and most people, I’m assuming) to spend the rest of the video trying to figure out what’s real and what isn’t. The parkour stuff looks real. The hip-hop dog at the end isn’t real no matter what the YouTube description says. Enya dubstep remixes? Definitely real.

Check that out and draw your own conclusions. If you like it, the original full-length “People Are Awesome” (80% Powerade Commercials And Us Being Trick By Things Edition) is after the jump.

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It’s been a busy off-season for the Pittsburgh Steelers. Ben Roethlisberger spoke out in favor of Tim Tebow, Wiz Khalifa offered up a lazy remix as an inspiring new anthem and most of the team got murdered by Bane. No, not Bane Kiffin, the regular one. It’s also been a busy off-season for With Leather, muddling through nearly three months of constant, incessant ‘Call Me Maybe’ covers.

Now those off-seasons come together with the Pittsburgh Steelers Training Camp Carly Rae Jepson tribute video you’ve been waiting for. It’s mostly just training camp highlights (and some Make-A-Wish stuff) with Steelers players holding telephones sprinkled throughout, but YouTube is convinced that this is certifiable proof that Pittsburgh is horrible at football and will never win a game again.

Example:

So what do you think? Is this video a sports curse for gay jerks, or football players briefly opening a port-a-potty door for a team PR guy and using the remaining 99.9999% of their time to practice? The first one sounds way more reasonable.

Like most U.S. Olympic athletes, swimmer Ryan Lochte has been on a whirlwind media tour since returning home from London, but the truth is that the nation’s love affair with the multiple gold medal-winner began long ago. Throughout the Olympics, interviews with Lochte popped up left and right, and the question on everyone’s mind was: “What’s next for this handsome, single stallion?” Of course we already know that the immediate answer is Dancing with the Stars and probably The Bachelor.

But Lochte also wants everyone to know that he’s so much deeper than just a reality TV tool. Sure, he’ll cut his teeth in Hollywood by doing the cha-cha with Kym Johnson and pretending like there’s a shot in hell he’d marry some broad off the street because she made out with him more than a dozen other nameless girls. Acting, though, is what is swimming in his blood, and he is hellbent on establishing a brilliant career on TV and the silver screen. First up? 90210. Start polishing those Emmys.

Need more proof? Buzzfeed recently put together some highlights of Lochte’s best interviews, and that man has a gift. And if a recent Tweet is any indication, it appears that Lochte might even be the next Channing Tatum. None of that matters to me, though. I learned all I need to know about him during his interview with Piers Morgan earlier this month. Lochte told Not Larry King that he can see himself acting opposite Blake Lively, and according to my oracles of truth and brilliance in the YouTube comments section, Ryan Reynolds better watch his back.

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With more than 11,000 views since being posted yesterday, “Whistle Girl (Every Day I’m Whistling)” is well on its way for being a contender for its own “This Week In YouTube Commenter Outrage” post, but it still has a ways to go with less than 20 comments. But hey, at least one of those comments is racist, and… I’m getting ahead of myself.

Focusing on the video at hand, “Whistle Girl” is the latest effort by Tunguska Yacht Club, which has previously entertained thousands of people with “Stanky Dick: Official Music Video” and the GoPro Commercial for Regular People. The video “stars” Jamaica’s Shelly-Ann Fraser-Pryce, who defended her 100m gold medal at the 2012 Summer Olympics, and today I also learned that her nickname is “Pocket Rocket”. That’s… nice.

I hate that I laughed at this, but sometimes the simple things are the best.

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