I love living in the future.

The forward-thinkers at ASB have created GlassFloor, a multi-purpose sports court that can change its lines and adapt with the push of a button. Want to play handball? Boom. Volleyball? Basketball? Additional boom. Want to play half basketball, half badminton? I don’t know why you’d want to do that, but it can do that.

The properties of glass allow for more than just an optimized floor surface. LED marking lines can be switched on/off or changed on demand. Originally designed for the sport of squash where portable All-Glass-Courts are erected in all types of locations, like city centres, in front of the pyramids or in shopping centres. The floor is suitable for indoor and outdoor use.

The one way translucence of the floor allows a whole new range of possibilities. LED lines or screens can be seen through the floor but when but when not illuminated, they are invisible. The floor is very long lasting and sustainable.

The Internet, as you may have guessed, has a problem with this. It has ALL THE PROBLEMS with this. Presented below are just a selection of the gripes YouTubers have found with ASB GlassFloor, and sadly none of them are “we’re gonna come down from a dunk and break the glass floor and fall into oblivion.”

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In only a week, YouTube user “hippykiller1” – a handle after my own heart – has amassed more than 5.1 million views on his video entitled, “The World’s Shortest Escalator”. But what on Earth could that incredibly confusing title mean? As it turns out, it means that Mr. Killer1 believes that he indeed found the world’s shortest escalator at the More’s department store in Kawasaki, Japan. As the narrator explains, this 32.8-inch exercise in laziness is apparently a “thing of beauty and magnificence”, but to me it sounds like something you’d find in a Central Florida Walmart.

Unfortunately for hippykiller1, though, his claim that these moving stairs hold the Guinness World Record for being the shortest is a bit unfounded. In fact, it’s completely unfounded, because it’s nowhere on the Guinness website. Shock and controversy in the world of meaningless data to begin 2013!

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"And that's how you tell boys to talk to the hand."

I have to give credit where it’s due. When Twitter celebrity Leon Purvis first posted a video asking 2012 Summer Olympics superstar and gold medalist Gabby Douglas to prom, I thought that we just had another one of those typical star-chaser types on our hands. But it turns out that while, yes, Purvis is a bit of a star-chaser, he gets results.

For example, Douglas wasn’t his first celebrity conquest. Originally, Purvis rose to fame in 2011 when he asked Justin Bieber to his junior prom “as a bro”. Hey, don’t judge. I’ve asked Channing Tatum to be my best friend, so we obviously all use the Internet to get things done on our own accord. The only difference is that while C-Tates has never responded to me, Purvis actually met the Biebs in person. And yesterday morning, he received his response from Douglas.

You see, people? Star-chasing pays off if you’re not a total creepshow about it. It’s just too bad that Purvis didn’t get the response he wanted.

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Lost in the shuffle of producing what is already being called the greatest list of 2012 sports moments that will ever be written, according to this guy and these guys, was the phenomenal, inspirational tale of Gabby Douglas, who actually almost quit her dream of being an Olympic gymnast, because she couldn’t stand being away from her family.

“It was very hard to overcome being away from [my] family,” the Virginia-born gymnast told Us of her nonstop traveling and training schedule, noting that it was especially difficult to say goodbye after they visited her on the road. “It’s a very strong thing. It almost drove me to quit the sport that I love and [kept me] from achieving my dreams.” (Via Us Magazine)

And since she rose to fame as one of the dynamic members of the Fierce Five gold-medal women’s team in the 2012 Summer Olympics, Douglas has had to overcome the problems being caused by her family. It certainly hasn’t been easy for this 16-year old international star. Certainly, the last thing she needs to worry about is what to wear on prom night, but that’s not stopping one hornball teenager from trying to date way out of his league.

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So it turns out that Wild Turkey football-picking turkey Jimmy Junior is full of shit. On Wednesday, we shared the video of him picking the NFL’s Thanksgiving day games … he picked Detroit over Houston (Houston won 34-31 in overtime) and Dallas over Washington (Washington controlled the entire game and won 38-31). His only correct pick was New England over New York, and I don’t want to throw shade at a prognosticating animal, but Paul The Psychic Octopus could’ve called that one, and he’s dead.

I think I speak for everyone when I say the highlight of the Patriots/Jets game was Mark Sanchez running into his own lineman’s ass for no reason, fumbling the ball and giving up a touchdown. It was one of the most inexplicably pathetic things I’ve ever seen on a football field, including the time in 10th grade when I went out for a pass, got wide open, got too confident and tripped over my own feet about 20 yards ahead of the ball. At least I didn’t leave my faceprint in somebody’s buttcrack.

There isn’t a lot to be said that wasn’t covered in the KSK live thread for the game, so instead, here are my ten favorite YouTube comments from Ass Fumble-Gate.

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Will Keith is about to become the Internet’s next biggest sensation, after a video called “Bottle Beware” hit the tubes last week and is already up to 48,000 views on YouTube. The video was already posted over on FilmDrunk this morning, but I wanted to devote an entire post to Mr. Keith, because I think he’s absolutely fascinating. I don’t really know all that much about him, but based on his YouTube channel, he is a remarkable master of weaponry.

Perhaps the Steven Seagal comparison is misguided, as I mean to refer to Will Keith more as a sage than a martial artist, but from the few dozen videos that I have watched of the 116 that he has uploaded, he is well on his way to making the Star Wars kid look like a punk newb. So what’s this bro all about?

Swords, Archery, some gaming, various other stuff.

Plain and simple, no bullsh*tting, straight to business. You have to respect that. “Bottles Beware” was actually made by a YouTuber named “GooSmurf” and then uploaded by Keith to go along with his incredible array of sword- and knife-related videos. I’ll be honest – the kid’s raw. He needs to work on his charisma and a consistent costume wouldn’t hurt. I think with a little work and some creativity, Will Keith could join Sasha Mitchell, Jeff Speakman and Cynthia Rothrock in The Expendables 6.

After the jump, treat yo’self to “Bottles Beware” and a few of my other favorite Will Keith videos.

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