Last night’s Spurs/Warriors Game 1 went into double overtime and featured a dramatic game-winning three from Manu Ginobli, but the only thing anybody wants to talk about this morning is the “screaming Spurs fan.”

If you watched the game, you may have heard the dulcet tones of a puppy being born for the entirety of the second half and both overtimes. It was just a lady enjoying a great game of basketball with an unfortunate pitch in her voice, but yeah, it sounded like something that would try to kill you in Lord of the Rings. Every time the Spurs scored a basket I could see Frodo fleeing for his life. For The Win put together a list of “Jesus, somebody shut that lady up” tweets from Notable Internet Types, but they’re in good fun, because man was she annoying.

That “good fun” runs out when you leave For The Win and venture into YouTube, where commenters are not afraid to get INCREDIBLY SPECIFIC about why they hate this lady and the things that should be done to her. For your enjoyment (or whatever), I’ve collected a few of the most horrible comments about the Screaming Spurts Lady. Warning: This is the YouTube comments section, and is not suitable for any audience. Reader discretion is advised.

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Los Angeles high school student Jake Davidson is a man with a dream. Well, technically he’s one of millions of men, ages 13 to 90, with a dream of wooing our favorite Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue cover model and celebrity sports fan Kate Upton. Unfortunately, I think many of us – at least those of us in the non-psycho category – have realized that unless we can throw a 101-mph fastball through 9 innings and 110 pitches, we don’t stand much of a chance when it comes to stealing Upton’s heart.

But not being a Cy Young-winning pitcher won’t stand in Jake’s way, because he is staying the course in his desire to embarrass himself in Upton’s presence, as he recently recorded and posted a video dedicated to the two-time SI cover model, asking her to be his date to his prom.

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Fair warning: This clip is from Steve Berke Comedy (whose most recent efforts include a Macklemore parody song about pot and a Taylor Swift parody song about premature ejaculation), so there’s a chance the entire thing is bogus and nobody should be impressed. Should the second half of that sentence turn out to be untrue, holy shit here’s a guy juggling and solving a Rubik’s Cube at the same time.

It helps that the clip originated at Humans At Stanford, a juggler-themed Tumblr-esque thing, and was just co-opted a la EBaum’s World so the Steve Berke Comedy network (or whatever) could get traffic. Mission accomplished, dude, because a guy who can solve a Rubik’s Cube in the middle of a juggling routine deserves to be lauded and applauded by the entire world. I can’t do either of these things. Well, I can juggle a little, but it ends with people rolling their eyes at me because the only juggling of note in the world involves chainsaws and fire and me f**king around with a couple of lemons when I’m supposed to be working is not that.

Video is below. Enjoy, and don’t try this at home. You risk a heinous stickerburn.

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Next Media Animation’s “Taiwan Animation” of the Daytona crash has all the absurdity and hyperbole you’d expect — fans being killed and turned into cheering ghosts, all the cars being Toyota Corollas because they don’t have a stock car stock animation, NASCAR literally erasing the video from YouTube — but the best part is easily the fact that nobody at NMA thought, “hey, it’s probably a bad idea to ask NASCAR fans what they think of this insulting, wacky parody video made by Asians.”

From the YouTube description:

As every NASCAR fan knows, you come for the crashes and stay for the races. But are NASCAR officials taking fan safety seriously enough?

NASCAR fans are stoic. Talk to any fan and they will admit to accepting some level of risk when watching the races live. Furthermore, the fine print on the back of admissions tickets would seem to absolve race officials of liability if fans are injured.

But despite the risks, are NASCAR officials doing enough to ensure no fan is ever hurt? Leave your thoughts in the comments.

Predictably, NASCAR fans left their thoughts.

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Remember back in September when that weird Arkansas Razorbacks fan put on a pig helmet, strapped some tape to her nose a la Pee-wee Herman in Pee-wee’s Big Adventure and sang a Razorback-themed version of Brotherhood Of Man’s ‘United We Stand?’ Okay, you probably don’t remember ALL of it, but you remember the lady in the pig helmet.

Anyway, in celebration of signing day, said lady (YouTube user LIZHONEY2U) has uploaded a cover of Johnny Nash’s ‘I Can See Clearly Now.’ Her reason:

Great job recruiting, Coach Beilema!!!! Alex Collins, whew!!!

“Whew” is one of the many words I’d use to describe this video. I’d also include the sentence, “if you can afford a novelty Razorbacks helmet and button, why are you recording your YouTube videos with a toaster.”

I hope Arkansas has a terrible season, just to see if she’ll do a cover of ‘Gloomy Sunday.’

[h/t to Dr. Saturday]

I’m so happy right now. Mr. T not only joined Twitter a few weeks ago, but he now has his own YouTube series called, “Ask Mr. T”, in which he answers simple questions from everyday Average Joes like you and your neighbor. All you have to do to ask the man who played Clubber Lang and B.A. Baracus a question is download his app to your smart phone.

I don’t know if it costs money or not, because I didn’t check. I suppose I could have done that, but I didn’t feel like it and I was busy playing the new levels of Angry Birds Star Wars. Either way, I have some questions for Mr. T, including:

• Will Kate Upton ever love me?
• Why have none of my slip and fall lawsuits against Winn Dixie been successful?
• Can I borrow $10?

And that’s it. Let’s see if he answers any of those questions in the first installment of “Ask Mr. T”.

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