The University of North Carolina is hosting a press conference this morning at which chancellor Holden Thorp and athletic director Dick Baddour will officially announce that Butch Davis is no longer the coach of the Tar Heels football program. This is the part where people are supposed to gasp loudly and drop their monocles on the ground, because Davis ran such a clean and respectable program in his four years at UNC.

So what then, aside from those silly NCAA punishments and investigations, caused these men to make such a hasty and shocking decision?

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After every news outlet on the planet reported that John “Jeff” Stone had been fired from Webb Chevrolet in Oak Lawn, Illinois on Monday because he wore a Green Bay Packers tie to work, it was only a matter of time before a rival car dealership offered him a job. Chevrolet of Homewood (Chicago) received heavy call volume from Packers fans claiming they would purchase cars from that dealership if they would hire Stone, so owner Guy Cesario jumped right on it. And of course Stone said… eh, maybe.

This isn’t going to get milked for all its worth, is it AOL Jobs?

Stone is not jumping into anything yet, however. He says he’s taking his time to make his next professional move, and wants to meet with Cesario in person first. It might be a good thing to wait, as he could need a little extra vacation time. Rumor has it there’s an all-expenses paid trip to Dallas and prime Super Bowl tickets in his future — in the Packers section, of course.

OF COURSE! Haha, it’s funny how things work out.

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John Stone was fired from his job at Webb Chevrolet in Oak Lawn, Illinois yesterday after he showed up to work wearing a Green Bay Packers tie. The 34-year old claims he’s been a fan of the Packers since the days of Ahman Green, and he didn’t see anything wrong with honoring his team only a day after Green Bay defeated the Chicago Bears 21-14 in the NFC Championship. But his boss sure did, and he canned his ass for it.

Stone’s boss Jerry Roberts claims that he gave him 5 opportunities to remove the tie and keep his job, but Stone refused each time. It’s a shame to see such a long professional relationship come to an abrupt end like this. How long was Stone at Webb anyway? A month and a half. Geez, now this news is just shocking.

Please let me keep my mesh tank top, Chicago Sun-Times…

“He said, ‘You have two options,’ ” a furious Stone said later Monday. “Remove the tie, or you’re fired.”

“When I didn’t, he said, ‘You can leave, you’re fired.’ Does that sound fair to you?”

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As the Chicago White Sox have joined their North Side counterparts, the Chicago Cubs, in being eliminated from the playoffs, media speculation has once again turned to Mouth of the South Side, Ozzie Guillen, and his future with the White Sox. Guillen and Sox GM Kenny Williams famously hate each other, so the rumor mill is heating up over the decision that owner Jerry Reinsdorf will eventually have to make, between Guillen and Williams. And the man he doesn’t choose… DIES! MUAHAHAHAHA *coughs, hacks up lung butter*

Reinsdorf has yet to make any inclination of personnel changes, but the local media seems to believe that Guillen is as good as gone, despite recently winning a World Series and all that stupid stuff. Guillen is under contract through 2011 and has a team option for 2012, however he has hinted that if the White Sox part ways with him, he’ll be more than happy to take the Cubs manager job. The man just wants to be loved, damnit. Is that so much to ask?

Hey Ozzie, won’t you babble a bunch of nonsense at us and make us feel dumber in the process?

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What the hell is going on here? I went down to the pier for a Barq’s and a beej and suddenly there’s another offensive coordinator without a job. How was the pier? Well, the root beer was pretty good…

“We have removed Turk Schonert and relieved him of his responsibilities as offensive coordinator,” [Buffalo Bills] head coach Dick Jauron told a news conference.

“It’s nothing we had planned on and was nothing enjoyable in any way, shape or form.”

The Buffalo first team had failed to score an offensive touchdown in five pre-season games. via.

We hadn’t planned on firing arguably the second-most important member of our coaching staff 10 days before the season starts. Good to know. The thing is that now that firing coaches has become so trendy, there’ll be a rush of preseason firings as we head into the NFL opener on Thursday night. Oh, I can’t wait to see who gets fired before the deadline [**crosses fingers hoping Dallas OC Jason Garrett gets canned**]. Ah, football is back.