I’ll preface this rant/whiny hissy fit by saying that I know that people have complained in the past that I write about the Orlando Magic too much, and a lot of people don’t really give a crap about my favorite NBA team. So to make up for that, I’ve included a bunch of GIFs of my favorite ladies, so you can just skip ahead to that if you don’t give a sh*t about my butthurt opinions.

That said, I originally had about 2,700 words written about last night’s Orlando Magic game that I attended, and how I felt about Dwight Howard in a Lakers jersey returning to the arena that was built for him. But he’s not worth that many words. He’s really not even worth the 127 words that I had written up to this point.

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On Friday night, LeBron James and the Miami Heat handed the Detroit Pistons a 106-92 whooping at the Palace of Auburn Hills that was considerably more lopsided than the numbers show. Regardless, the big story coming from that game is the self-anointed King’s handling of a heckler who invoked the good name of Gloria James, LeBron’s mother.

Asked the Pistons fan, “Is your mom going to Boston for Valentine’s Day?” And that’s humorous because LeBron’s mom allegedly had sexual congress with Delonte West, who now plays for the Boston Celtics. But to a guy who makes a bajillion dollars a year and hosts TV specials to announce his free agency plans, there are some lines you just don’t cross.

“What did you say to me?” James asked the fan.

“I said, ‘Is your mom going to Boston for Valentine’s Day?’” the heckler repeated.

“Say whatever you want to say to me. Just don’t be disrespectful, alright? Alright, OK?” he told the heckler. “I don’t give a (expletive) what you say. If you’re disrespectful, it’s a problem.” (Via USA Today)

This is a tough one, because on one hand LeBron is a gigantor douchenugget so it’s fun to make fun of him about his teammates having so little respect for him that they’ll sleep with his mom. On the other hand… there really is no other hand. LeBron’s a worldwide icon, whether we like it or not, but if he’s so magnificent and worthy of daily praise, spending his time reposting people saying how great he is on Twitter, then tough titties, dude. You’re gonna get heckled, so live with it.

More than anything, I’m disappointed in the heckler and LeBron for not turning this into an episode of “Yo Mama”. God knows Wilmer Valderrama could use the cash.

Video after the jump…

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Carlos Delgado's agent, David Sloane, took a bit of an issue with some information about Delgado's contract in a notebook item that appeared Sunday by Dan Graziano of The Star-Ledger of New Jersey. The issue being, well, known only to Sloane.

The writer and agent had a tense e-mail back-and-forth that only kept confirming what Graziano originally wrote was accurate: that Delgado is being paid $16 million this season by the Mets, $4 million of which comes from a 2009 buyout option and another $4 million of which comes from the Marlins as a condition of the 2005 trade that sent the first baseman to New York.

Soon, as any good e-mail argument should, it degraded to childish insults. Tiring of arguing in circles, the writer laid out the facts one more time, leaving the slightly arch closing, "I won't hold my breath waiting for your apology." Then things got innerestin':

"Apologize this retard, he's making 16 this year WITH an option for next year @ 16 or a buyout @ 4. Nice research by you but then I guess that whole concept of fact finding escapes you huh? They didn't teach that on the short bus did they?"

Sucks for Sloane that they did teach cutting and pasting of e-mails on the short bus, however. (ME WAS HEAD OF CLASS! ME GOTS CHOCOLATE SUNDAE!) Graziano kept his composure, replying that he thought Sloane was "a funny guy," to which the agent whipped out this handy chestnut:

"So's your Mom."

BOOSH! Bombs on your moms, Graziano.  All this time you thought she was a loving, caring woman with varied moods and behaviors. Turns out your mom is just a funny dude. Geez, now that you mention it, I wish Dave Attell was my mom.