I AM EXACTLY LIKE JESUS. SERIOUSLY.

Hey, you. Before you read this, make sure you read The Best And Worst Of WWE Survivor Series 2012 by Dan ‘Soupy’ Campbell of The Wonder Years.

Let’s go ahead and get this out of the way:

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Tonight, on the WWE Raw open discussion thread:

At the 26th annual Survivor Series, the WWE Universe witnessed yet another controversial ending, keeping WWE Champion CM Punk at the top of the mountain. With the adrenaline still flowing from WWE’s fall classic — and the momentum sure to carry over into tonight’s Raw — here are five things to watch for at 8/7 CT on USA Network. (via WWE.com)

1. DEAN AMBROSE, EVERYBODY, HE DOES EXIST, LIKE THE M&MS AND SANTA CLAUS IN THAT ONE M&M’S COMMERCIAL.

2. The With Leather community will discuss what makes this GIF from Survivor Series so hilarious, and spend at least 1.5 hours making jokes/looking at it:

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Other than "anyone who convinces the ref to punch Ryback in the dick," I guess?

I thought we’d try something a little different with this month’s pay-per-view open discussion thread.

WWE Survivor Series 2012 takes place live, this Sunday night at 8 PM EST, and as always, the With Leather wrestling community will be on hand to make the snarky, esoteric jokes you’ll want to share with friends and pretend you made up. The pre-show (featuring a tag team match!) begins at 7:30 EST on WWE’s YouTube channel, and our stuff begins … well, as soon as you drop down into the comments and start nesting.

The card, as we know it:

Pre-show Match: Justin Gabriel & Tyson Kidd vs. Two Members Of 3MB (Heath Slater, Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre)

1. World Heavyweight Championship Match: The Big Show (c) vs. Sheamus

2. Triple Threat Match For The WWE Championship: CM Punk (c) vs. John Cena vs. Ryback

3. Divas Championship Match: Eve Torres (c) vs. Kaitlyn

4. United States Championship Match: Antonio Cesaro (c) vs. R-Truth

5. Team Ziggler (Dolph Ziggler, Damien Sandow, Cody Rhodes, Wade Barrett and Alberto Del Rio vs. Team Foley (The Miz, Kofi Kingston, Kane, Daniel Bryan and Randy Orton) with Mick Foley

My predictions for the show are below. Be sure to let me know what you think will go down, and also how mad you’d be if they actually let Truth pin Cesaro. The only answer I’ll accept: EXTREMELY F**KING MAD.

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Yay Brittney Palmer!

Yo With Leather Bros and Broettes, we’ve got not one but TWO live discussions rocking your lady’s parts this weekend – UFC 154 and the WWE Survivor Series – so make sure you stop by and hang out. We’re cool people, despite what bullies like Mitch Albom say, so you should want to come hang out with us and make funny comments while grown men beat the crap out of each other. Even if you don’t get the PPV events, you can read our commentary and close your eyes, and it’s almost like you’re actually in the ring, being handcuffed because Brittney Palmer doesn’t understand your love.

So yeah, join our live discussions or something.

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Pre-show notes:

- Comments, shares, likes, what-have-you are greatly appreciated. I need your help to make this continue being a thing. Do your part! It’s like Starship Troopers, but with wrestling columns.

- Follow us on Twitter @withleather, follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud and like us on Facebook.

- If you like reading my thoughts on wrestling and wish I wrote about something other than WWE, be sure to hop over to Tom Holzerman’s The Wrestling Blog to read my review for Anarchy Championship Wrestling’s 2012 Lone Star Classic. I can curse without stars over there!

- Don’t just skim past that into graphic thinking you know what it says.

Please click through to enjoy the Best And Worst Of WWE Raw for November 12, 2012. Or just hack into your friend’s phone and read it later.

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Tonight, on the ALL BRAD MADDOX’S VEST edition of the WWE Raw Open Discussion Thread:

The topic of the week is food, and not just because Thanksgiving is officially around the corner. Specifically, we’re talking about the latest course in Ryback’s never-ending feeding frenzy throughout the ranks of WWE. The monster finally fed on CM Punk last week, decimating the WWE Champion in a tag team match only hours after Mr. McMahon declared Ryback and John Cena would challenge for The Second City Saint’s title in a Triple Threat Match at Survivor Series. But even so, it seemed to be Cena who got Ryback’s mouth watering the most, and the specter of an all-out brawl between the two strongmen now looms large. What developments will Monday bring? Here’s our five-point preview.

PS: Jerry Lawler’s back!!! We’re excited, too. (via WWE.com)

1. Chance that someone will use Jerry Lawler’s for-real almost-death on Raw to get heel heat: 100%. Chance Lawler will use it as the punchline to a joke about how he wants to see Diva boobies: Also 100%. “Woo hoo, Cole! I would pass out on Raw and die if Kelly Kelly gave me the stink face!” etc.

2. Having been changed from Team Foley and Team Punk, Team Orton and Team Ziggler will change members again and become Team Heath Slater versus Team David Otunga. It will be AWESOME. Ezekiel Jackson will be back for it, probably!

3. Brad Maddox will defeat Ryback and earn an Iron Clad Contract, which (according to that WWE hierarchy chart floating around) means only The Big Show can hire or fire him.

4. If they don’t have a backstage Thanksgiving party this week where somebody gets thrown into a bowl of stuffing (or whatever), they’ll do it next week. Santino will say “the thanks of givingses!” and people who have never heard jokes before will laugh and laugh.

5. JOHN CENA in all capital letters.

As always, my 10 favorite comments from tonight’s WWE Raw Open Discussion Thread will be featured in tomorrow’s Best And Worst Of WWE Raw column. To nominate a comment for Top 10 status, please reply to it with a +1. Be sure to tell everyone you have ever met about these live threads, because they are the best thing about wrestling.

Pre-show notes:

- Make sure you read the Best And Worst Of WWE Hell In A Cell 2012 before reading about Raw, or you won’t know who everyone is or what’s happened so far! (I wish wrestling worked like actual stories.)

- Comments, shares, likes, what-have-you are greatly appreciated. Be a wrestling bro!

- Follow us on Twitter @withleather, follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud and like us on Facebook.

- Halloween costumes are at the very end, make sure you don’t miss them.

And now, please click through and enjoy the Best And Worst Of WWE Raw for October 29, 2012.

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