For the first time since 1982, an American has won the World's Strongest Man competition. West Virginia firefighter Phil Pfister, measuring 6'6" and weighing 325 pounds, beat out reigning champion Mariusz Pudzianowski (pictured) with a thrilling come-from-behind victory in which Pfister won the final five events. I can't stress how amazing it is that anyone beat Pudzianowski — I watched this on TV last year, and this guy simply destroyed everybody else; it wasn't even close.

Can you believe that there is a human being alive that is stronger than the dude in that picture? I can't. That's gonna give me nightmares. When you get so muscular that your entire cardiovascular system pops out of your skin, are you still allowed to have sex with human women? Or are you required to have sex with bears? Because I think some poor woman's gonna get hurt if this guy doesn't go for a tougher species.

At 5'10", 155 pounds, I don't particularly like my odds to win next year's competition. And I don't think I could win an episode of Jeopardy!, much less a Nobel Prize. But I've been training for the 2007 World Series of Charm, and let me tell you, that George Clooney fellow doesn't stand a chance.