"I will take two blumpkins, please."

Hey, remember Greg Raymer, the every guy, average Joe who, along with Chris Moneymaker the year before, came out of nowhere to win the 2004 World Series Poker Main Event and helped push the classic card game to new heights of global popularity? He had a pretty sh*tty weekend.

World Series of Poker champ Greg Raymer — aka the FossilMan — has been busted for trying to bury his bone … after allegedly soliciting a prostitute online.

HEYOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Nobody zings ‘em like the TMZ gang. Anyway, what else?

A rep for the Wake Forest PD in North Carolina says Raymer was popped at a Wake Forest hotel on Wednesday.

Police say the 48-year-old poker legend was one of six men who responded to an advertisement posted by an undercover cop on a website frequented by prostitutes. The men have since been released on $1,000 bond.

This is pretty disappointing, as Raymer was a hero to frat boys and college dorm room recluses who fancied websites like Bodog, Full Tilt and that other one that I used to play on but can’t remember the name anymore as new sources of quick income and fame, since everyone with a high speed Internet connection once thought, “Hell, if Moneymaker and that fat bastard can win a million bucks playing poker, then so can I.”

Sadly, it turns out that it was probably much easier to just recreate this point in his career than any other. Or maybe playing like a “donk” and pissing off Mike Matusow, but then that’s probably the easiest thing anyone could do.

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Our Man Burnsy’s on the road today, so I’m handling the With Leather Watch This. Who likes shoehorned-in wrestling references? Everybody? THOUGHT SO.

Here’s what’s on TV tonight, highlighted by a “seemed like a great idea when we were making the schedule” showdown between the 3-7 Philadelphia Eagles and the 2-8 Carolina Panthers. Sophomore slumpmaster Cam Newton looks to throw more interceptions than touchdowns against Philadelphia’s Michael Vick, a guy who could seriously benefit from Tim McGraw showing up and duct-taping the football to his hands. It’s going to be GREAT, and the Philly sports fans on your Twitter feed won’t be obnoxious about it AT ALL.

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That battered face above belongs to 26-year old professional poker player Sam Trickett, who claims on his Twitter account to be the most winning poker player in the history of Great Britain and Ireland. While that certainly seems to be a pretty bold statement, it helps that just three days ago he pocketed $10,112,001 for finishing second in the Big One for One Drop at the World Series of Poker. I assume that it must be pretty awesome to win $10 million by playing cards.

However, I also assume it is not awesome to get beat up by six men at one time. That’s the story that Trickett Tweeted just hours after he’d gone out to make his “organs hurt” in celebration.

According to Poker News Daily, this was apparently a random attack, as the men may have been disrespecting Trickett’s girlfriend, Natasha Sandhu. What kind of disrespecting might they have been doing? Well, I think they might have been hitting on her, because she’s kind of slightly attractive…

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A ton of stuff happens in the sports world each week and there are only two of us here to try to scoop up as much as we can and shove into all into your eyeballs like an ocular smoothie of awesome. So of course we’re bound to miss a few things here or there. For instance, did you know former WWE diva and current George Clooney love interest Stacy Keibler went golfing on her vacation from standing still and looking hot? See, this is the kind of stuff we shouldn’t be missing out on.

Thankfully, I keep a few hundred folders of random sports photos on my computer to cover up my incredible collection of adult anime stills, and I figured that we could clear a few of them out with this new weekly feature, the Wednesday Wild Card. Today we’ll pay a visit to New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and see what he did to prepare for his loss to the New York Giants, while David Beckham signs some autographs, Kim Kardashian and Matt Millen cry, and the World Series of Poker pays out again.

Please hold your applause until the end.

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On Tuesday, it was announced that Annie Duke and Jeffrey Pollack have created Federated Sports and Gaming, and, in cooperation with the Palms Casino Resort, a brand new poker league that will employ a special rankings system to determine the best players in the world, instead of, you know, guys bragging that they’re the best in the world.

The league will also hold players accountable for their success by awarding memberships much like PGA tour cards. Players can earn 2-, 3- or 5-year memberships based on their winnings, but obviously there will be exceptions for legends. Basically, the biggest name players will receive lifetime memberships. In all, 200 players will compete in four FSG tournaments during the year, with the fourth serving as the league’s championship.

Poker News recently posted an extensive interview with Duke about how the league was created and what the events will entail. For instance, what goes into the player rankings, Der Kommissar Duke?

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