Update: Canada has surpassed the United States in the aerospace industry. Thanks a lot, Obama!

Dozens of skiers in Quebec, Canada, take part in a world record attempt, performing a 30 person mass backflip on skis. The participants hold hands as they jump and all land neatly. This is their second attempt at the jump at Mont Saint-Sauveur in the Laurentian mountains.

There’s so much to love about this clip. How low the skiers have to go to pull off a 30 person backflip, how they kinda look like somebody’s stitches when they’re in the air, the wonderfully-Canadian responses from the crowd (“whoa ho!”) and my favorite, the SNOWMAN MOUNTAIN. We should turn every snowy hill into a snowman. This should not be optional.

Get your shit together, America. We should be prepping for the 31-man backflip launch right now. Don’t let the onset of summer keep us from being the best in the world at everything. Well, everything useless.

[video via SportsTV]

Fair warning: This clip is from Steve Berke Comedy (whose most recent efforts include a Macklemore parody song about pot and a Taylor Swift parody song about premature ejaculation), so there’s a chance the entire thing is bogus and nobody should be impressed. Should the second half of that sentence turn out to be untrue, holy shit here’s a guy juggling and solving a Rubik’s Cube at the same time.

It helps that the clip originated at Humans At Stanford, a juggler-themed Tumblr-esque thing, and was just co-opted a la EBaum’s World so the Steve Berke Comedy network (or whatever) could get traffic. Mission accomplished, dude, because a guy who can solve a Rubik’s Cube in the middle of a juggling routine deserves to be lauded and applauded by the entire world. I can’t do either of these things. Well, I can juggle a little, but it ends with people rolling their eyes at me because the only juggling of note in the world involves chainsaws and fire and me f**king around with a couple of lemons when I’m supposed to be working is not that.

Video is below. Enjoy, and don’t try this at home. You risk a heinous stickerburn.

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Here’s a story that will make you laugh, then cry, then want to find like four cats and tie them together and try to make things right.

Meet Stewie, the Guinness World Record holder for “World’s Longest Cat.”

The longest domestic cat is Mymains Stewart Gilligan (Stewie to his furr-ends), who is 123 cm (48.5 in) long. He is owned by Robin Hendrickson and Erik Brandsness (USA) and was measured on 28 August 2010.

Mymains Stewart Gillligan is a 5 year-old Maine Coon.

I wish the story could end with THIS CAT IS LONGER THAN EVERY OTHER CAT EVER THAT IS AMAZING, but it doesn’t. Stewie spent the last few years battling cancer and passed away earlier in the week. I can’t think of anything more directly saddening on the Internet than “a special cat has died.” Stewie’s owner posted a farewell video on his Facebook fan page (because he has that) and gives the poor guy a chance to say goodbye. The tears we cry for Long Cat are long.

Here’s a clip of Stewie in happier days, from his Guinness World Records video.

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In the best Power Rangers World Record news since Red Ranger Jason beat Bulk’s longstanding Angel Grove Youth Center weightlifting mark of 1,010 bench presses, mixed martial artist Jason David Frank — best known for his role as Green Power Ranger Tommy Oliver — has broken the Guinness World Record for “most pine boards broken in freefall.”

Seems like this would be a good time to send down a batch of Putties, but what do I know? I’m not a crazy Asian moon lady.

Jeffrey “Jay” Veenendaal, left, holds a pine board as Jason David Frank right, breaks a board while setting the “Most pine boards broken in freefall” Guiness World Record while skydiving at Skydive Spaceland Thursday, Jan. 17, 2013, in Rosharon. Frank broke 7 pine boards to break the existing record of 2 pine boards. (via Chron)

Here’s a picture of him receiving his official World Record certificate, with a disappointing lack of guys in foam monster costumes in the background:

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In only a week, YouTube user “hippykiller1” – a handle after my own heart – has amassed more than 5.1 million views on his video entitled, “The World’s Shortest Escalator”. But what on Earth could that incredibly confusing title mean? As it turns out, it means that Mr. Killer1 believes that he indeed found the world’s shortest escalator at the More’s department store in Kawasaki, Japan. As the narrator explains, this 32.8-inch exercise in laziness is apparently a “thing of beauty and magnificence”, but to me it sounds like something you’d find in a Central Florida Walmart.

Unfortunately for hippykiller1, though, his claim that these moving stairs hold the Guinness World Record for being the shortest is a bit unfounded. In fact, it’s completely unfounded, because it’s nowhere on the Guinness website. Shock and controversy in the world of meaningless data to begin 2013!

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When it comes to Christmas and birthday cards, I’ve always been a lot like Jerry Seinfeld in the sense that I’ve never known how long you’re supposed to keep a card for. I mean, it’s just a piece of paper with something already written on it, and then your mom’s or a hot Asian model’s signature. But just to be safe, I now have a box of cards that I keep in my home office (AKA the Fart Factory) in case one of my insane relatives ever calls and demands to see whatever Snoopy joke they sent me in 2002. And now I just want to scratch my name out and send all of those cards to 9-year old Dalton Dingus in Kentucky.

Dalton is dying from cystic fibrosis and his one wish is to break the Guinness World Record for receiving the most Christmas cards. It started as something with his family, friends and neighbors, but then, as always, the Internet went to work. Excuse me while I set the world record for most allergic reactions.

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