While the entirety of the mainstream media began releasing Best Of lists in the first week of December, I wanted to wait as long as I possibly could to create my own, because of, you know, all of the games that take place throughout December. But who cares about college football anyway, right? Screw the bowl games and their rightful observation for prestigious consideration. And I was right to wait, because I originally had UConn’s winning streak in my Top 10 – I was trying to impress a girl – and now? *fart noise* Better luck next 90-game winning streak, Lady Huskies!

We had our fair share of great stories in 2010, those that made us feel good and appreciate the positive nature of competition on the grander scale. But screw all that, right? Our culture loves to witness failure and hoo boy did we have some failure this year! We had so many head-scratchers and stomach punches that there are certain athletes who could get their very own Top 10 lists. But they don’t deserve it. Hell, there are a few guys on the list you’re about to read that I wish we never had to talk about again.

I heartily expect everyone to disagree with my choices and where they rank, and that’s why I love sports and Top 10 lists – they both inspire the most nonsensical arguing outside of politics. As always, please share your thoughts, criticisms and misguided hatred for your parents in the comments.

With that said, here are my Top 10 sports moments of 2010…

So the announcements for two upcoming World Cups were made last night, and all of people that annoyed you with the World Cup over the summer are really bent out of shape about it. Jeez, people. It’s not like you idiots are actually going to the games. But if you are, I feel really bad for you. The word of Russia being chosen as the 2018 host wasn’t a huge surprise, but the 2022 Cup going to Qatar (pronounced Kuh-TARR) blew everyone away.

Despite its enormous wealth, Qatar is still a largely closed society, and its rulers are gambling that the Cup can do for it what 2002 did for South Korea. At that event, the Korean public was forced to interact with a world it had deep misgivings about, and the result was a rousing success.

FIFA also sees the tremendous growth potential in the Muslim world and recognized soccer must engage it. The sport is the most popular in the Arab world, but the grassroots development of the sport has lagged far behind. Thursday’s announcement is sure to change that.

–FOX Sports.

And it’s fun that “Quatar” is actually trending on Twitter. It’s really hard for us to drop that “u” from behind the “q,” apparently. Of course the Muslims have that figured out. Having all of that oil probably helps.

I’m not going to complain about how sorry my life is for like three days after reading this story. After the North Korean national team qualified for the 2010 World Cup for the first time since 1966, you’d think things were looking all peachy keen (Besides the fact that they have to reside in North Korea, of course) for them, right? WRONG. Their trip to South Africa resulted in a miserable flop of an appearance that resulted in three straight losses, including a nationally televised debacle of a game against Portugal when they surrendered 7 goals in a mortifying loss that ended with a walk to the locker room that probably felt like the Bataan death march.

Now a loss like this would ordinarily have sent a bout of white hot rage searing through the veins of almighty leader Kim Jong-il if he still had the ability to stay conscious for more than 5 minutes, but now that he spends most of his time trying to find his glasses the punishment responsibilities were handed down to his son Kim Jong un, who came down upon his mangy bunch of soccer playing failures with the full force of the hammer of Thor, which Kim Jong-il coincidently claims he owns.

The entire squad was forced onto a stage at the People’s Palace of Culture and subjected to criticism from Pak Myong-chol, the sports minister, as 400 government officials, students and journalists watched. The players were subjected to a “grand debate” on July 2 because they failed in their “ideological struggle” to succeed in South Africa, Radio Free Asia and South Korean media reported.

The team’s coach, Kim Jong-hun, was reportedly forced to become a builder and has been expelled from the Workers’ Party of Korea. The coach was punished for “betraying” Kim Jong-un – one of Supreme Leader Kim Jong-il’s sons and heir apparent.

Following ideological criticism, the players were then allegedly forced to blame the coach for their defeats. -Telegraph

Remember all of those people who joke that the North Korea soccer team was about to be sent down to the coal mines in a runaway mine cart to work in a spooky cave filled with flesh-eating mega-bats? Well you guys must feel like a bunch of jerks now, don’t you? Read the rest of this entry »

Whether you like it or not, the World Cup has certainly helped soccer’s case for a spot in the American sports landscape. Sure there was diving. Sure there were Europeans everywhere. And sure, there were vuvuzelas. Despite all the reasons to hate soccer, Americans, for the most part, still cared about the World Cup. What else were we going to watch for the last month? Baseball?

Initial ratings for Sunday’s World Cup final in which Spain defeated the Netherlands 1-0 in overtime appeared to be flat compared with the 2006 tournament, ESPN officials said Monday, though other figures indicate that more people may have been tuned in.

Sunday’s pre-game activities and match on ABC and ESPN scored an 8.6 rating among the nation’s top 56 “metered” markets, exactly the same rating that the final in which Italy defeated France on July 9, 2006, according to ESPN spokesman Bill Hofheimer. The ratings figure is the percentage of households watching the match.

The match itself, which ran from 2:30 to 5:30 p.m. EDT, posted a 9.9 rating, Hofheimer said, but comparable figures for the 2006 match were not available. “Fast national” ratings, an indication of the entire country’s viewership, are expected to be available later Monday. –WSJ

Soccer’s ultimate prize was not the ratings bonanza ESPN was hoping for, most likely due to early morning and afternoon start times. However, viewership was up from the 2006 World Cup. How did such a thing happen, you ask? I’d put my money on the combined efforts of Larissa Riquelme and TeamBJ. As a red-blooded American sports fan, you’re bound to get my interest perked with promises of Latin American boobs and Scandinavian fellatio. Read the rest of this entry »

Germany’s World Cup team finished the 2010 tournament with a victory over Uruguay Saturday to capture third place, after displaying what was arguably the most exciting offense of any team. Die Mannschaft (Ed. – hehehehehehehe!) received unexpected goals from wild headers to top Uruguay, and a lot of credit is due to Germany’s coach Joachim Löw. The 50-year old German coach helped guide his team of young stars to the country’s second-consecutive third place finish, as the Germans were ousted by eventual World Cup champion Italy in 2006 and the 2010 champion Spain.

So what exactly fuels a guy like Löw? Quite simple – boogers. While professional athletes and coaches can’t expect to focus on the presence of cameras at all times, it’s not beyond the realm of common sense to not, you know, pick your nose and eat it in front of a worldwide audience. But cultural acceptance be damned, because Löw not only did the dirty deed once, but twice.

Read the rest of this entry »

Yes that reporter Sara Carbonero is his girlfriend, but it’s cooler if you pretend that she isn’t. Eat your heart out, Joe Namath! You’re a disgrace to sideline reporter kissers around the globe. My favorite part is when he plopped one down on her eye. If I ever won a major championship I know exactly what I’d do now; hold a competition with my teammates to see how many sideline reporters we’d kiss. By the end all of the reporters would be wearing surgical masks to protect themselves but let me tell you what, that ain’t stopping me! I’d also demand a t-shirt gun so I could shoot champion garb at the losing team (and maybe hamsters), but I digress.

I’m sure you all know about what happened yesterday at the World Cup so I’ll spare you my inane analysis and just give you the good parts. The Dutch were playing extremely physical all game as it devolved into a kicking and shoving quagmire that thankfully brought us this epic moment:

KARATE!

Oh yeah, and psychic octopus Paul won again. He’s gonna pull so much tail. Hit the jump for more Sara Carbonaro.  Read the rest of this entry »