See that kid in the blue jersey and hat with his face obscured? Yeah, a few seconds before this he’d gotten a home run ball. It’s being thrown back by “his sister,” who is probably not even his sister.

With the Chicago White Sox down 10-4, Adam Dunn launched a ball into the left field stands at the Ballpark in Arlington. A gentleman (a Rangers fan, like everyone else in the picture) caught the ball and gave it to his son. It’s the kind of thing you dream about when you’re a kid. Well, I guess you dream about actually catching it yourself, but your dad snagging it and handing it over is still pretty cool. Anyway, he only had the ball for a few seconds, because the lady to his immediate right — advertised as his sister, although that seems like a cover for “a stranger did this to a small child” — took the ball from him and tossed it back onto the field to a round of applause. In a 10-5 game.

Here’s the clip. Spoiler alert: It has a happy ending.

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Last year, a raffle to support a small-town Illinois little league team raised only $10. This year, the people involved in that raffle have upped the ante by offering cookies and lemonade, and holding a yard sale. Wait, no, I’m sorry, they’re auctioning off an AR-15 assault rifle and a 30-round magazine.

This is a raffle you’ll want to win, because Atwood, Ill., is overrun by a bunch of drug-smuggling pirates, and sure, your stealth melee attacks are important for sneaking into outposts and turning off alarms, but eventually you’re gonna want to stand on a tiger cage and blow everybody away. That’s what little league baseball is all about. Little league baseball or FarCry 3, I keep getting those two confused.

“We could have went with a basic shotgun or something simple,” said league commissioner Steven McClain. “But obviously it’s not going to draw the attention, not going to draw the volume we’re hoping to make.”

…

Helping the struggling baseball program seemed like a no-brainer. The [Atwood] armory sponsors a team and knows the need for money was great.

“All that money collectively goes towards paying for shirts, hats, gloves, field maintenance, umpires.” (via Illinois Homepage)

They’ll find even more money if they search all the treasure chests in the area.

My favorite part of the story is that the woman who runs the place where they use weapons to raise money for causes is named CHARIDY BUTCHER:

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Mater Dei School’s principal is Harvey Dent. He’s the type who leaves things like “will we have school today” to chance. He organized an assembly and gave his students the opportunity to be off the Monday after Super Bowl XLVII, but only if they could make free throws under pressure.

He let an eighth-grader shoot a three-pointer for the day off, and the eighth-grader failed. A seventh-grader failed, too.

Finally, first-grader Blake Harper stepped up to the free throw line for his shot at glory. Spoiler alert: he drains the shot, and is then immediately overtaken by a zombie wave of excited school children (including a tall, blonde kid who I’ll assume is their leader, because he holds up his arms and steps back to survey his works). No report on how Blake or the others spent their Monday, but I guess at least one of them spent it in traction.

You are a true hero to anyone who loves weird principals and hates going to school, Blake.

[h/t to Bob's Blitz]

A kid ran out onto the court during last night’s Baylor/Oklahoma game. OshKosh B’gosh promptly fined him for wearing Nordstrom Baby.

In a better world, this is a Baby’s Day Out situation where the kid is super aware of what he’s doing and is trying to motivate Baylor/get on SportsCenter. It’s better than the alternative, which is, “whoops, lost my baby, and there he goes.” (via Bob’s Blitz)

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Links

The Woman Who Eats Cat Fur And 7 More Awesome Internet Finds From UPROXX Readers |Warming Glow|

The Internet’s 15 Best Tributes To Christian Bale |UPROXX|

Pulp Fiction almost starred Daniel Day-Lewis as Vincent Vega |Film Drunk|

For Absolutely No Reason, The Tim Duncan Outlet Pass Slow Jamz Mixtape |With Leather|

Here’s Amy Adams As Lois Lane |Gamma Squad|

Watch LL Cool J Performing Live In 1985 For A Group Of Kids |Smoking Section|

Dennis Pitta Is Not Elite-Level Ticklish |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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It’s one of the worst parts of my personality, but I love seeing children at the zoo being assaulted by animals. Once I went on a field trip and stood next to a girl who got kicked in the head by a horse. It was my Lolita moment, I think. Anyway, the best part of this video is the follow-up story from The Los Angeles Times: “We had to ask for a Band-Aid.” (via The LA Times)

- Follow us on Twitter @withleather
- Follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud and Burnsy @MayorBurnsy
- Like us on Facebook.

Links

The Only Kate Middleton, Prince William ‘Royal Baby’ GIF You Need |UPROXX|

‘Man Of Steel’ Has A New, Relatable Poster |Film Drunk|

A ‘Justified’ Season Four Promo With Actual Footage, Maybe Some Gunplay |Warming Glow|

Miami Dolphins Fans Are Really, Really, REALLY Good At Working The Stripper Pole |With Leather|

These 14 Video Games Have Been Definitively Declared Art By The New York Museum Of Modern Art |Gamma Squad|

Rita Ora’s Giving Up The Goods To Everybody, According To Rob Kardashian |Smoking Section|

Jets Fan Has A Buttfumble Jersey |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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You know how ‘South Park’s’ Eric Cartman is a 10-year old who hates Jewish people, slurs everyone and once chopped up a kid’s parents and fed them to him in a bowl of chili? And it’s funny because he’s a fictional character on an animated comedy and ridiculously exaggerated for effect?

Yeah, that becomes way less funny when it happens in real life.

An 11-year-old [Pee-Wee hockey] defenceman was targeted during a team outing for being Jewish, said his mother who is also the team’s manager.

“We all went to an Oil Kings’ game on Friday and on the bus, the goalie of our team called my son a “f**king Jew,” she said, adding this player later told her son that Nazis killed Jews.

A second player from the same team, an 11-year-old biracial forward, told his parents this week that the same goalie targeted him at the beginning of the month.

The goalie told him “Your mom should go back to Africa where she belongs.” (via the St. Albert Gazette)

So, uh …

“(The league) was notified yesterday afternoon of the incident in question and based on a review of the information we received, the decision was made to suspend the player pending further investigation and a meeting with the parent,” he said, adding two league executives will attend the meeting.

He would not comment on whether there have been prior complaints filed against the player, and said no further comments will be provided.

We at With Leather get up on a righteous soapbox from time to time, and we’re just as quick to field “YOU’RE THE PC POLICE KIDS CAN SAY WHATEVER THEY WANT NYEAHH,” so I’ll save you all that and give you the most objective, astute analysis I can muster: that kid who got derisively called a Jew should’ve kicked this little 11-year old asshole’s ass. Just wrecked him where he stood. Additionally, anybody using “go back to Africa” at 11-years old in 2012 IN CANADA has probably suffered through the most f**ked-up child-rearing ever and should be with one of the other 34-million-and-change Canadians who won’t raise him to be a weird cartoon villain.

Or, you know, feed him someone in a chili.

[banner image via Flickr, story h/t to Prep Rally]