Last night on “Late Show with David Letterman”, USA Women’s Soccer team stars Abby Wambach and Hope Solo stepped outside The Ed Sullivan Theater and took aim at the cabs on Broadway. Letterman got them to kick balls into moving cars after a the standard Letterman interview (“er uh I don’t really know anything about what you’re saying, so uh, eh heh heh got any gum” etc.) and a weird train of thought where Dave suggested losing to Japan in the World Cup was okay because Japan had been in Earthquakes.

The best part of the video is Letterman calling into question the kicking ability of the situationally-foxy Solo because she’s a goalkeeper. So of course Solo is the one with the most accurate kick. In a dress. After the stunt, Wambach stuck around to be Dave’s musical guest, delighting the audience with her hit song “All The Small Things”.

[h/t Buzzfeed]

I tried to find a picture of a bull standing triumphantly in the streets of Pamplona with a bunch of dead, trampled people and some destroyed buildings in the background, but apparently that never happens, and it’s just about 50,000 people herding an animal to a stadium where it’s stabbed in the neck repeatedly until it dies, and then a guy dressed like a figure skater celebrates like he accomplished something difficult.

Sports

Bulls on Parade: A Heartwarming Gallery from the 2011 Running of the Bulls - There’s a big post about this directly beneath me, but if you’re the type who clicks directly into these things and/or has problems with short-term memory loss, please revisit Friday’s gallery of drunk people, confetti showers and bulls about to stomp Spanish people to death. With Leather

The Hot Girl Swedish Sweater Swap - Another choice post from Friday that you might’ve missed is this one, which starts off as a “can ya believe this happened?” sort of deal and evolves into a hot girl gallery with a Swedish lady’s sweaty butt. And then it ends with a Parks and Rec joke. Basically it is the perfect way to spend 10 minutes. [With Leather]

Six People LeBron James Should Meet During the Lockout - I try to let others on the Uproxx network handle stories and editorials about LeBron, because mine are always the same. The first person I’d have him meet would be the Black Racer (from DC Comics, not from Kenya) and then the rest of the article would sort of build from that. [Smoking Section]

Not Sports

People Really Did Shut Up and Eat Their Awesome - Transformers 3: A Momentary Lapse of Reason brought in a record 999 billion dollars at the box office over the weekend, proving that we truly deserve every terrible movie some asshole spends 200 million to make. Lesson learned: People don’t want to see super heroes, they want to see blackface robots with big swinging robot balls. (note: The picture of Rosie Huntington-Whiteley featured is the best picture of her ever, because you can’t see most of her face) [Gamma Squad]

TV’s Most Memorable F-Words - Any list that features both “The Wire” and the British version of “The Office” is awesome. All it needs is an F-word from “The Wonder Years” and it’s covering the best shows ever. [Warming Glow]

10 Unfortunately Named Doctors - This is one of those things you don’t think you’re going to laugh at because, come on, you’re an adult. But then you see a guy named “Dr. Dooms” and start laughing, and pretty soon you’ve ready 45% of Buzzfeed and your Morning Links post is almost late. [Buzzfeed]

Paul Blart: Zookeeper Is the Kevin James Falling Downingest Film of the Summer - I’m happy Kevin James had a TV show for like 10 years so I can know for sure to avoid anything with Kevin James in it. You might be Paul Blart, but I’ll always remember you as the dormant homosexual who wanted to do it with Hitch. [Film Drunk]

Have you ever been to a baseball game and seen your favorite player warming up a few feet in front of you, but when you call out his name or try to ask him for an autograph he waves at you and moves or just ignores you completely? It’s not because he’s a dick, it’s because in today’s sports media world literally any interaction between an athlete and another human being will be reported, analyzed, misinterpreted and manipulated to suit the needs of a writer.

Such is the case of Josefine Öqvist, a Swedish soccer player who traded her jersey for a fan’s t-shirt following Sweden’s 1-0 victory over North Korea in group play of the Women’s World Cup on Saturday. I haven’t read anything explaining why she did it; she was probably just being cool and affable, because hey, she’d just won a World Cup game. 35 years ago they would’ve turned it into a Coke commercial. But today isn’t 35 years ago, it’s 35 minutes ago, so German News reported the incident and put a gigantic black bar across her torso to “censor” it.

So either the German news wanted us to think she’d been playing a World Cup soccer game without a bra and decided to flash everyone in the crowd, or the image of a woman in a sports bra was so potentially damaging to German children that it had to be halted. The best part of the video (besides NEIN! across her chest) is the higest rated YouTube comment, which reads like it was written by Kyle Farnsworth:

What the f**k in the world is that f**ken black box doing there she was f**ken dressed
jnmexico1997 19 hours ago

The uncensored version is now available, which you can watch after the cut.

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