In case you aren’t familiar with Andrea Petkovic, she’s a Bosnian Serb tennis player who moonwalks after she beats people and promises things like videos of her rapping if she gets x-amount of Facebook fans. Well, x-amount was 20,000, and it happened, so here we are. Andrea Petkovic is rapping on the Internet.

And now, a YouTube commentary point/counterpoint.

I have been watching tennis for over 30 years – not since Vitas has someone with such a dynamic personality come within our midst – and she’s got game to – hope to see her win a major title soon!!! :-)

nooo. rap sucks. i’m very dissapointed as your biggest fan

It’s sort of scary how much she looks, sounds and acts like Justin Bieber. All she needs is to do is be about a foot shorter.

[H/T Busted Racquet]

Gorgeous tennis-nobody turned gorgeous regular-nobody Anna Kournikova is set to return to American consciousness (and, no doubt, to every men’s magazine known to man) as a “sports trainer” for the next season of “The Biggest Loser.” It’s the perfect job for Kournikova, who is both super-fit and a colossal loser.

Her bio on the announcement tells the story.

Anna Kournikova has been playing tennis most of her life, first debuting at the 1996 U.S. Open, aged only 15-years-old. She was voted ESPN’s hottest female athlete in 2002 and made People magazine’s list of the ‘Most Beautiful People in the World’ in 1998, 2000, 2002 and 2003.

Notice how they jump straight from “she debuted in tennis” to “she was found to be extremely hot during the following years” without any accolades or accomplishments between them. Since they didn’t mention it, Anna also ranked just behind Martina Hingis on the list of tennis-related things I masturbated to in the 1990s.

I think she’ll do a fine job on the show, but she’ll need to add a testicle and a crate of horse tranq if she’s going to be anything like Jillian Michaels. Jillian left the show to concentrate on starting a family, which is gonna be hard, because I’m pretty sure she had her vagina removed to make room for an extra quadricep.

[H/T Off the Bench]

Womens tennis news has been pretty drab of late, what with Serena Williams being stalked, being told she deserved to be stalked for wearing sexy clothes by the Sporting News, and having to watch her sister sing 311 karaoke on a booze cruise. Thankfully, I FINALLY get to write something positive about tennis (besides my weird obsession with Martina Hingis when I was younger) as the WTA has launched their “Strong is Beautiful” campaign, which is a lot like WWE’s “Smart, Sexy and Powerful!” campaign for their female wrestlers, only these people are actually strong and beautiful.

From the press release:

Drawing upon athleticism and grace – a unique combination that has turned the stars of the WTA into the most recognizable and followed female athletes on the planet – the campaign places the personal stories, pressures and dreams of the players front of stage. The creative is designed to support the WTA’s efforts to establish a deeper engagement with fans around the world and to promote both the sport’s next generation of players along with current established names.

The end result is a celebration of strong women from all corners of the world. Through all of life’s difficult circumstances, the players’ love for the sport and determination to succeed prevails. The new ad campaign is a life example that being physically and mentally strong is beautiful.

So flip through our gallery of the released pictures and videos of the campaign and take a look, I think you’ll like it. It’s hard to find pretty pictures of sports that don’t involve bikinis or dunking.

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Sassy Ostrich is on loan from the FilmDrunk collection.

Kim Clijsters, the No. 3 ranked women’s tennis player in the world, will face France’s Alize Cornet today in hot, steamy third round women’s action at the Australian Open, but I’m not watching because I don’t even get out of bed unless it’s the No. 1 player. But after her win over Carla Navarro on Wednesday, Clijsters met with former Tennis dude Todd Woodbridge and she called him out on his behind-the-scenes shenanigans.

Woodbridge, an Australian, sent a text message to Rennae Stubbs – also an Australian tennis player, small world! – remarking how Clijsters looked grumpy and had larger boobs than usual, leading to the assumption that she’s pregnant. Stubbs showed the text to Clijsters, and holy sh*t did she rip Woodbridge a new one…

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Victoria Azarenka headed into the 2010 U.S. Open as the No. 10 women’s tennis player in the world. But during her second round match against Argentina’s Gisela Dulko, Azarenka collapsed in the seventh game. The 21-year old was taken off the court in a wheelchair and was transported to a local hospital, where she was treated for what was originally believed to be a case of heat exhaustion. But it turns out that Azarenka had been performing some exercises before her match and she fell and suffered a mild concussion. There goes my U.S. Open parlay. Damn this crippling gambling addiction.

Her agent and never-nude John Tobias told the New York Times, “She was just doing some footwork exercises, and she tripped on the bottom of her own sweat pants and ended up falling and hitting her head on the ground. Unbelievable.” I know, right? Belarus women are supposed to be nimble like jungle cats, or at least that’s what I was learning while watching “10 Things You Should Know About Female Belarus Tennis Players” yesterday on the Discovery Channel before it was cut off for some boring news story.

The important thing is that she’s OK now. If only we could all just laugh about this, perhaps to a video after the jump…

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