"I'm not naked! I TRICKED YOU into thinking I was! Point, Solo."

Back in 2011, Hope Solo was the greatest. She was helping sell women’s soccer to America and posing nude in ESPN The Magazine with a garden hose, simultaneously taking the world by storm as both sports hero and sex symbol. She was an awesome combination of talent and gigantic beauty, and it was fun to write about her on the Internet.

After that, things started to get … complicated. She went on ‘Dancing With The Stars,’ but ultimately claimed the show was rigged and that her partner had physically abused her. She married NFL tight end Jerramy Stevens, a guy previously convicted with assault and accused of rape, immediately after he’d been taken in for assaulting her. She also sorta ratted out everyone in the Olympics.

In 2013, Hope continues her slow descent into being the soccer Amanda Bynes by (accidentally?) tweeting her phone number, then using it as an excuse to tell us we are stupid.

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Here are some great jokes about this video of a shifty series of events at a women’s college soccer match, assuming you are a total asshole:

1. What a crazy looking kitchen! It’s full of grass and people playing soccer!
2. “C’mon it’s not like she hasn’t had balls in her face before…”
3. She throws like a girl!
4. something else about kitchens

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, I hope you enjoy one of the most spectacularly dirty plays I’ve ever seen, and a living exercise in one player not being able to figure out how to get her face the hell away from the ball. She’s throwing it at your head over and over, pay attention! Or shit, worse case scenario, kick her in the chest with your shin when she jogs by to chat with the ref. Zidane her. Do something besides just standing there holding your head like a goon.

All joking aside, I think we can all agree that the lady chucking soccer balls at peoples’ faces in the history’s most low-stakes game is the worst person and the best ever at soccer.

[h/t to OTBS]

Wow. Here I thought the name “Giants” meant something. I thought it implied that the San Francisco Giants baseball team was “bigger” than other teams. Yet here we are, a day before the World Series is set to begin and these so-called Giants are just calling it quits? “Oh look at us, we won Game 7 and the NLCS, so we’re just going to pack it up and play the Detroit Tigers in the World Series because we don’t have to play the St. Louis Cardinals anymore.” Are you serious? That’s how you want to win, Giants?

For the first time in Major League Baseball history, a team could actually be as big as its name suggests and say, “You know what? One more game, winner takes all.” Sure, the Giants “don’t have to do that” and the league “wouldn’t let them do that” and it wouldn’t be “fair to the fans or the players”, but come on! That’s the worst string of logic I’ve ever seen!

Fine, Giants. Go play in your stupid, insignificant World Series. It’ll always have an asterisk next to it anyway. Years from now, I’ll be standing in Cooperstown with my grandson and my smoking hot 22-year old Blasian girlfriend and I’ll say, “Oh, the 2012 World Series? Yeah, that’s when the Giants were too afraid to play the Cardinals again. Don’t worry, nobody cares about that World Series anymore. Especially not since Nancy Pelosi sold California to the Kardashians.” So yeah, congrats Giants.

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"Oh no, they're showing Guys with Kids commercials?"

Despite being a nation still celebrating the all-natural and not-at-all-staged marriage of Kim Jung-Un to former singer Ri Sol Ju, who clearly loves him for his looks and personality, all was not well yesterday for the people of North Korea. It seems that some no-good Westerner at the 2012 Summer Olympics in London showed the outside world’s bias as the North Korean women’s soccer team took the field for its first match against Colombia.

As the players were introduced, they refused to take the field, because the video screen in the stadium showed their pictures next to a South Korean flag. This, of course, is unsettling for them because they are eternally at war with those democracy-loving infidels to the south. If Kim Jong-Il saw this, he’d be spinning in his grave. Screw that, he is spinning in his grave, because he’s the best dead person ever.

“Yes, we were angry because our players were introduced as if they are from South Korea, something that may affect us very greatly as you might know,” North Korea coach Sin Ui-Gun said.

“Winning the game cannot compensate this. It is a different matter. We hope there is no repeat in the next matches,” he added. (Via ABC News)

And win they did, as the North Koreans defeated Colombia 2-0. They can act outraged all they want, but this is a fantastic opportunity for the North Koreans to use this as a driving force. As for NBC, this is also a fantastic marketing tool. In order to make sure this doesn’t happen again, why not replace every country’s flag with some marketing tools for our favorite shows that are crapping in the ratings every week?

Just a thought, NBC…

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