Here comes your women’s basketball post for February, and we’re only showing you this either because it had the makings of a ruckus or someone got naked. Nobody got naked. Yeah, that was a horrible tease. My b.

Your poster girl is South Florida post player Porche (POOR-shuh) Grant. She’s 6-foot-2 and ready for you, and after a shoving fracas during the Rutgers game, she shot the “Big 11″ at the Rutgers student section. Bad move, Porche.

The disciplinary action came a day after Grant made an obscene finger gesture as she was escorted off the Louis Brown Athletic Center court following a flagrant foul that caused a scrum underneath the basket. Rutgers guard Khadijah Rushdan was charged with a technical foul after the incident, which saw some shoving but no punches thrown with 38 seconds to play in the Scarlet Knights victory.

–Daily Record.

No punches thrown? Come on, ladies. Curl those dish pan hands up into little fists of fury for us. Just don’t be late with dinner. It’s funny because all women know how to do is cook. And play basketball. And run Alaska.

Video at Deadspin.

The UConn women’s record-setting 90 game consecutive win steak is over after losing to 8th ranked Stanford 71-59 last night. And thank God they did, I was getting sick of all their Sports Center coverage and the ensuing feminist rhetoric. We gave you the right to vote, ladies, so on behalf of all American males, I respectfully ask that you spend less time on basketball, and more time on the intricate art of sandwich-making. Your priorities are all wrong.

There are about 500 reasons why this loss is so fantastic, but certainly my favorite is that Geno Auriemma lost. Considering that the man hadn’t lost any of the last 90 games he coached, us haters of all things UConn will have to cherish this milestone in bad things happening to infuriating people.

The only downside of this loss is that ESPN will try and make us care about women’s basketball all day. And although I’d love to say that I don’t care about women’s basketball, I can’t, because that wouldn’t adequately describe my level of apathy. On a scale of 1 to anything written by Peter King it’s about equal to Seltzer-Freidberg movies, Twilight, or Basketball Wives.

Warning: This post deals with women’s college basketball. Just hold your nose through the first paragraph and you’ll be in great shape.

Sure, Danica races with the boys, and the Williams sisters seem to take turns owning the rest of professional women’s tennis, but there’s an argument to be made for Baylor freshman freshperson Brittney Griner as the most badass female athlete in the land. She dunks. She punches people. She probably pees standing up, too. You know, trajectory…or something. But Griner is about to help her Baylor Bears blast open the cartel of women’s college hoops held by Tennessee (who they just beat) and UConn. But guess what…no one cares.

Curtains covering the upper deck helped trim the usual capacity at FedExForum from 18,085 to 9,343, and local organizers had to be happy at least a few in Tennessee orange stuck around with only 29 fans in one end zone.

They wound up with 3,263 in attendance, well below the 6,577 for Saturday’s semifinals. –AP.

Three thousand people for a regional final. Yeah, so let’s not get too excited about Baylor blowing away the old guard here. And I think we can agree that there clearly isn’t enough talent to stock 64 Division I programs. Any 18-year-old that can play and has decent grades can count her options on one hand. That’s not great for any sport, but it’s good for the athletes, because women are terrible at math.

And, apparently, layups. Enjoy the stylings of Xavier’s Dee Dee Jernigan, who blows not one but two game-winning layups after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

Leave it to the Pac-10 Conference to lead the charge of progressive language in women’s basketball. Someone should tell Arizona State coach Charli Turner Thorne that if she’s gonna say something dirty in a halftime tirade that’s being captured on videotape, she should just go ahead and say it. You can’t filter out the word and then expect your message to have the same effect. Poop, pee-pee, bush, make love to, wiener, tinkle, mommy’s special friend, and boobies just don’t carry the load of anger and frustration the same way. What, do you feel vindicated having said poop?

How did the Sun Devils do in the second half? Read the rest of this entry »

We mentioned on Monday that Pat Summitt’s Tennessee Vols lost to Ball State in first-round action of the NCAA women’s tournament over the weekend. But when you’re a living legend in Knoxville, your season doesn’t end until you’re damned good and ready. And so, with no game to play for another six months, Coach Summitt ran her team back onto the practice floor. And the hilarious thing is that Summitt’s still gonna get more press than the other teams that are actually still playing for the title. Oh, Pat. Don’t you ever change.

Former Central Michigan basketball player Brooke Heike has filed a lawsuit against that university, claiming that her former coach, Sue Guevara, cut her from the program in part because Heike is heterosexual. From FOX News, the number one news source of lesbians everywhere:

Heike said Guevara told her she wore too much makeup and was not the coach’s “type.” That meant she wasn’t a lesbian, according to a lawsuit filed last week in federal court in Bay City.

The former Romeo High School star lost her scholarship after the 2007-08 season.  “I didn’t feel that she did anything to improve herself after being told over and over what she needed to do,” Guevara told an appeals committee last June.

You can’t tell me this woman would try to coach a team full of lesbians. I mean, look at that shimmering short haircut. That awkward smile. The affinity for plaid clothing. Sure, she might be a lot of things, a liar, an idiot, a lesbian, but she is not a porn star.