You may have already seen this little nugget of women’s basketball trick shottery on ESPN’s Top Plays or in an email your feminist older sister sent you, but I didn’t see it until this morning because I save my chicks hoops for Thursdays when my pride is already mostly defeated.

On Monday night, the Concordia Cavaliers were tied with the College of Idaho Breastfeeders Coyotes 61-61 with .7 seconds left on the clock. Faced with the possibility of overtime, Cascade Collegiate Conference first-teamer Danielle Clauson knew she would need a miracle shot to win, otherwise she’d never be home in time to watch The Bachelor.

Noticing that her opponent’s back was facing her – I like where this is going – Danielle inbounded to herself off the defender’s back and hit a monster tomahawk windmill 360 layup for the win. As you can see in the video after the jump, the crowd just goes insane. Especially all the guys who were there and subsequently lost their man cards when leaving the arena.

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Here comes your women’s basketball post for February, and we’re only showing you this either because it had the makings of a ruckus or someone got naked. Nobody got naked. Yeah, that was a horrible tease. My b.

Your poster girl is South Florida post player Porche (POOR-shuh) Grant. She’s 6-foot-2 and ready for you, and after a shoving fracas during the Rutgers game, she shot the “Big 11″ at the Rutgers student section. Bad move, Porche.

The disciplinary action came a day after Grant made an obscene finger gesture as she was escorted off the Louis Brown Athletic Center court following a flagrant foul that caused a scrum underneath the basket. Rutgers guard Khadijah Rushdan was charged with a technical foul after the incident, which saw some shoving but no punches thrown with 38 seconds to play in the Scarlet Knights victory.

–Daily Record.

No punches thrown? Come on, ladies. Curl those dish pan hands up into little fists of fury for us. Just don’t be late with dinner. It’s funny because all women know how to do is cook. And play basketball. And run Alaska.

Video at Deadspin.

The UConn women’s record-setting 90 game consecutive win steak is over after losing to 8th ranked Stanford 71-59 last night. And thank God they did, I was getting sick of all their Sports Center coverage and the ensuing feminist rhetoric. We gave you the right to vote, ladies, so on behalf of all American males, I respectfully ask that you spend less time on basketball, and more time on the intricate art of sandwich-making. Your priorities are all wrong.

There are about 500 reasons why this loss is so fantastic, but certainly my favorite is that Geno Auriemma lost. Considering that the man hadn’t lost any of the last 90 games he coached, us haters of all things UConn will have to cherish this milestone in bad things happening to infuriating people.

The only downside of this loss is that ESPN will try and make us care about women’s basketball all day. And although I’d love to say that I don’t care about women’s basketball, I can’t, because that wouldn’t adequately describe my level of apathy. On a scale of 1 to anything written by Peter King it’s about equal to Seltzer-Freidberg movies, Twilight, or Basketball Wives.

George Washington student Kay-Kay Allums was never comfortable with who she was, so she decided to change her name to Kye and call herself a female and by those simple actions the NCAA is allowing her to still play for GW’s women’s basketball team. Allums is the first Division I basketball player to openly proclaim her transgender status, but I think we all know that Christian Laettner was the real pioneer.

Even though Allums is a man woman with man-parts woman parts, she believes that she is a man and because she is postponing hormone treatments, the NCAA has allowed her to continue to play women’s basketball. Fine, by that logic I’m a dinosaur. I’m officially the only brontosaurus alive. Sure, I look like a human male, but I believe that I’m a dinosaur. Someone give me a TV show and my own island where I can eat leaves all day and just be a dinosaur. Oh, I still want to be paid for it. A dinosaur needs his cheddar.

Can you please make any sense of this at all, Fox Sports?

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Warning: This post deals with women’s college basketball. Just hold your nose through the first paragraph and you’ll be in great shape.

Sure, Danica races with the boys, and the Williams sisters seem to take turns owning the rest of professional women’s tennis, but there’s an argument to be made for Baylor freshman freshperson Brittney Griner as the most badass female athlete in the land. She dunks. She punches people. She probably pees standing up, too. You know, trajectory…or something. But Griner is about to help her Baylor Bears blast open the cartel of women’s college hoops held by Tennessee (who they just beat) and UConn. But guess what…no one cares.

Curtains covering the upper deck helped trim the usual capacity at FedExForum from 18,085 to 9,343, and local organizers had to be happy at least a few in Tennessee orange stuck around with only 29 fans in one end zone.

They wound up with 3,263 in attendance, well below the 6,577 for Saturday’s semifinals. –AP.

Three thousand people for a regional final. Yeah, so let’s not get too excited about Baylor blowing away the old guard here. And I think we can agree that there clearly isn’t enough talent to stock 64 Division I programs. Any 18-year-old that can play and has decent grades can count her options on one hand. That’s not great for any sport, but it’s good for the athletes, because women are terrible at math.

And, apparently, layups. Enjoy the stylings of Xavier’s Dee Dee Jernigan, who blows not one but two game-winning layups after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

Leave it to the Pac-10 Conference to lead the charge of progressive language in women’s basketball. Someone should tell Arizona State coach Charli Turner Thorne that if she’s gonna say something dirty in a halftime tirade that’s being captured on videotape, she should just go ahead and say it. You can’t filter out the word and then expect your message to have the same effect. Poop, pee-pee, bush, make love to, wiener, tinkle, mommy’s special friend, and boobies just don’t carry the load of anger and frustration the same way. What, do you feel vindicated having said poop?

How did the Sun Devils do in the second half? Read the rest of this entry »