Daniel Tosh of Tosh-point-oh fame made a spoof of a credit card commercial, and I showed it to my dad and he thought it was a very funny goof and a spoof. I don’t understand how the WNBA gets all of this free publicity, but who would they be to look a gift muff in the mouth.

“We’ve missed commitment ceremonies, Lilith Fairs, LPGA finals, parades. Even that one day we’re allowed at Disney World.”

I guess it’s funny because they’re lesbians that like sports. Whatever. This is why I can’t stand Tosh, he’s just a smug little ass that makes easy, uncreative jokes at everything. “Here’s another kid puking and a viral video that circulated through the blogs two months ago.” Great job, Daniel.

…side to play a basketball game in the elements! I button-hooked ya there, didn’t I? Here you thought this post was going to be about unsexy rampant lesbianism among the ranks of the WNBA. Now who looks like a dummy? Yeah, me. Me does look like dummy.

Anyhoo, get your tickets now (this guy already did), because on June 5th, the Los Angeles Sparks will host the Seattle Storm in an outdoor basketball game at the Home Depot Center. This will be the first outdoor game for the Sparks and Storm, but the second time a WNBA game was played outside – the New York Liberty and Indiana Fever participated in the Liberty Outdoor Classic last summer (pictured above). Before you begin to snicker about last summer’s first WNBA outdoor game, you should know that Menudo played a free concert after the game, too. Sweet.

Both organizations are pumped up (but not in an over-masculine way) about the opportunity to showcase their dribbling and layup skills in the fresh air in front of hundreds of spectators.

“Playing outside, beneath the stars will ensure an unforgettable evening for our players and fans,” said Sparks President Kristin Bernert. “But the game also provides a terrific opportunity for our athletes to inspire kids of all ages to lead healthier and more active lifestyles.” -The Fabulous Forum.

Dubbed “The Sunset Showdown,” the event is sure to be a treat to WNBA fans and confused onlookers alike. But to be honest, I find the moniker for the game a bit of a letdown. The Sunset Showdown? Please. How about bringing some Don King-sian panache to it? I don’t know, how about “The Thrilla With The Ladyzillas”? Hey, give me a break – that one was off the cuff.

Marion Jones has a job playing basketball for the Tulsa Shock now. How good a basketball player she’ll be isn’t exactly “clear,” especially since she pretty much disappeared after being stripped of her gold medals from the Sydney Olympics and doing time in a federal penitentiary, and therefore my dirty dirty fantasies.

“We’re thrilled to have her,” Shock head coach Nolan Richardson said of Jones, who was stripped of five medals from the 2000 Olympics after admitting steroid use. “In the workouts last week I saw how hard she works. She has things you can’t teach, like speed and great hand and eye coordination. She looks chiseled. Her age (34) might be saying one thing but everything about her is saying she’s young.” –Sporting News.

So your number of reasons to watch the WNBA is holding steady at zero. Call me when Caster Semenya signs with the Sparks. Whoever they are…

Somebody on Twitter this morning alluded to the notion that the MLB playoffs were too good for TBS, which, as far as I know, is the only cable outlet carrying the games. And baseball should be grateful that they even have that, because ever since MLB expanded to the 8-team postseason format, playoff baseball has been a gigantic cluster…bomb. Let us count the ways.

The first round best-of-five series are a joke. Seriously, when the worst team in baseball wins 60 games a year, how much less variance does a series like that have than, say, a single game? The team with the better record in Divsion Series advances only 48 percent of the time. The first round of baseball’s season is, almost literally, a coin flip. Some people will say that such a format adds to the drama. I say it makes a ridiculously long regular season even more trivial and–when you consider baseball’s unbalanced scheduling–patently unfair.

The start times of these games make them virtually unfollowable to the casual fan. Scheduled first pitch times for yesterday’s games (all Eastern): 2:30, 6:00, and 9:00. The Phillies “drew” the 2:30 game. I guess being the defending World Series champs means that your fans can get by without watching you on TV that night.

Eight teams in the playoffs, along with the WBC, will The World Series into November this year. Big deal, it’s just another month on the calendar, right? Wrong. November is football time, and baseball better recognize. But seriously, either can it with the crammed traveling and just play baseball until Thanksgiving, or wrap that sucker up before Halloween.

The WNBA Finals, by the way, were nestled comfortably in prime time last night on ESPN2. I guess one league with an exorbitant regular season plagued with mainstream fan apathy is plenty for that network. Wait, which sport were we talking about?

Some guy at the Washington Post must have been having a slow day earlier this week and wrote up a column dealing with the Mystics, that city’s WNBA team. Hey, we know all about slow days (roll back to the last four posts and see), but Mike Wise scribbled something up about America’s favorite abuse of the giant video scoreboard, Kiss Cam, simply pointing out that the Mystics don’t do it, and then painting its omission as oppressive to the gay community. We say “gay community” now instead of just saying “the gays.” It sounds nicer.

Look, I’ve never been to a WNBA game and I don’t really care what they do in their own arena. The Washington Mystics are selling basketball, not human rights. That league has really painted itself into a corner by trying to incorporate as much Girl Power under one roof as it can. The WNBA is selling female empowerment, which could mean one thing to a 10-year-old girl that sucks at math, and could mean something completely different to the couple that’s tired of being stared at in restaurants. But that doesn’t mean that “we have a lot of kids” line works with me. Anyone speaking for the team should be able to discuss the issue without hiding behind the Bible, or someone else’s children.

But yeah, people are bent out of shape because they’re being deprived of the opportunity to watch women make out. It’s called “the internet,” people. Do I have to explain everything to you?

The WNBA took a much-needed step toward legitimacy yesterday when the Phoenix Lifelocks announced their two-game suspension of Diana Taurasi for her arrest for DUI on July 2nd. There’s nothing like an athlete heralded for their decision-making on the floor to commit a totally heinous act off it. Aw, I’m just kidding. DUIs kick ass.

In a release Thursday, the team said Taurasi was suspended “for conduct detrimental to the team.” Taurasi will miss Saturday’s game against Detroit and Wednesday’s game against Minnesota. via

How is it “detrimental” unless she’s driving the team bus? Is she going to kill someone on the road, only to have that person exclaim to throngs of media, “Well, that’s it! I’m never watching women’s basketball again!” This has totally shaken my worldview of the WNBA. It’s only a matter of time before the hordes of WNBA groupies are trying to get pregnant and sue the players for their $45,000 salaries.