What’s worse than a quarterback who inspires a meme world record, is afraid to take pictures with women, can barely throw a football and responds to criticism about his NFL sadness with, “you are a great analyst, thanks for mentioning me”?

Well, not a lot, but at least he never sang his own piano arrangement of a Train song in public.

Wisconsin quarterback Joel Stave demonstrates his musical talents performing Drops of Jupiter by Train at the 2012 Buckingham Awards. The UW signal-caller was one of many student-athletes putting on an impressive show at the annual awards night.

And it’s not even my favorite sports-related Train cover! That award goes to (and will always go to) these monsters.

I’m guessing that as a 6-foot-5 quarterback with flowing locks and a college scholarship, Joel’s spent a lot of time living in The Bubble with nobody to say “you’re singing the song too fast, slow down” or “stop playing piano, you look like f**king Bo Duke”. Allow me to say those things here, but not loudly enough to dissuade him from continuing, because LOL, this guy.

[h/t to Dr. Saturday]

As I most often point out as to avoid being called a hack – my feelings get hurt easy, y’all – I do not profess to be a sports expert, like ol’ Dick Vitale up there. I’m simply a guy who has a big TV and 12 web browser windows open at all times to follow multiple games until smoke starts to spray out of my ears. And watching all of those games, I develop opinions that I like to share with all of you. I believe that Mufasa or Pumba called it the “Circle of Life.”

So my point is that there are people out there who might be flipping through channels tonight, and they’ll be all like, “Hey, these guys are playing basketball, but I don’t know a thing about them.” Even worse, you could be a dude on a date with a hot girl and she’ll be like, “Why don’t we go back to your place and watch NCAA Tournament basketball and maybe I’ll take my shirt off if you know a lot about the games.” But you’re all like, “Snap, I haven’t watched anything.”

That’s why I created this handy-dandy guide to enjoying the Sweet 16, and to keep with the time-honored tradition of UPROXX live-blogging, I’ll be hanging out tonight to chat and make jokes about things that I notice. I invite you to join me, mainly because it’s fun, but also because I’ll be giving out free shirts at random to people who tell me why I’m wrong.

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I REALLY need some new cutouts...

You’d expect a B1g Ten School to be able to handle a little inclement weather. But Wisconsin, whose football team won a share of its league title before losing to TCU in the Rose Bowl, had a liveblog scheduled to cover the program’s progress during National Signing Day. And they canceled it…because of a blizzard?!

MADISON, Wis. — Wednesday’s Signing Day Live Blog, scheduled to start at 7 a.m. CT, has been postponed indefinitely. Please check back to UWBadgers.com periodically throughout the day for updates.

–UWBadgers.com

Rivals has Wisconsin ranked 39th in the national rankings this winter, which means…nothing. Alabama, by the way, decided to skip the trouble with all the words and just stream a camera feed of a fax machine in the athletic department. So the fax machine has finally arrived in Alabama? Good to know.

If you are looking for a National Signing Day live blog, I recommend heading over to SI.com for theirs. I just can’t get into that sort of thing. No really, I’m forbidden from following minors in 26 states. I still live a good life, but I’d give it all up right now for just one more day of coaching boy’s gymnastics.

You know it’s going to be a great post when I start out with a dick joke in the headline! That’s the only way I’ll get you to read something about how poorly the Big Ten’s done in bowl games. What’s that? You love Big Ten ineptitude? Well, I guess we all found something we can agree on.

The Big Ten conference had an auspicious start in the postseason, with Iowa taking down No. 12 Missouri and Illinois killing Baylor. Big Ten fans got excited. “If this is an indicator of our bowl success for the future,” they said, “then I’m so pumped up!” (Disclaimer: they may or may not have said this.)

Then, it was January 1, 2011, and reality set in simultaneously while their metaphorical shit got ruined.
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The student newspaper at University of Wisconsin-Madison printed the names of 33 students who are believed to be re-selling their Rose Bowl tickets online. The school’s football team will face TCU on January 1 in its first Rose Bowl appearance since 2000. Its allotment of 5,800 tickets sold out in 20 minutes, and The Badger Herald was none too pleased with those who bought their duckets to simply flip them for a profit.

Truly, there is a special place in Hell for people who buy Rose Bowl tickets with the sole intention of profiting from them. It is entirely unfair to those who actually love this football team and were counting on a cheap face value ticket in order to make the trip to Pasadena an economic reality.

My feeling on this is pretty simple: if you’re a student and you have access and a rightful claim to Rose Bowl tickets, you should sell them if that’s what you want to do (even if it may or may not be legal). However, if you’re the University of Wisconsin and you want to ensure that you send only students to your post-season game, lock down the system and make people pick up their tickets at Will Call on game day. Or have an essay contest; that totally worked at my elementary school before all the kids that lost tried to burn it down.