The United States Speedskating team lost a sizable chunk of its funding when the team’s biggest sponsor, DSB Bank NV, declared bankruptcy last month. But an unlikely hero has stepped up to offer the team its support, and America’s speedskaters will find themselves in Vancouver skating for another nation–Colbert Nation.
“On their enormous, billboard thighs, it will say, ‘Colbert Nation,”‘ Colbert said in an interview before Monday evening’s taping. “Be looking for that logo as it comes around the final turn. It will be easy to see because it will be in first place.”[..]
The show isn’t paying the team any money directly. Instead, Colbert is calling on his fans to donate to the team via www.colbertnation.com and www.usspeedskating.org. In the past, Colbert has had a great deal of success raising money this way. He has raised hundreds of thousands of dollars for the Yellow Ribbon Fund, a charity that assists injured service members and their families. –SI.com.
Even if “The Colbert Report” itself doesn’t give the team a dime, they’re getting tremendous exposure that will bring other potential sponsors to the team and the athletes themselves. And with Apolo Anton Ohno being favored in nearly all of his events, the show should be rewarded as well. Usually both parties don’t stand to benefit like this unless one’s a Japanese businessman and the other’s a blonde prostitute. I think the speedskaters are the prostitute here. They have better legs.
We’re still about three months out from the Winter Olympics in Vancouver, but the athletes, media, hangers-on, and people that don’t realize that the whole thing is on TV are finalizing their travel plans to make the trek to British Columbia. But anyone that booked a room in the building formerly known as the Quality Inn Vancouver Airport Hotel might be in for a rude awakening–that building was stripped of its franchise, and it’s now renegotiating its original reservations with a hefty markup.
The hotel is honouring reservations guaranteed by the booking agents for its former franchise, but not the room rates made prior to the split. Rooms booked months ago for as little as $79 a night for the period of the Olympic Games now cost $350 a night and up.
Wow, $79 for a hotel room at the freaking airport? During the Olympics? Every hotel in America raises its rates to adjust for demand, but I wouldn’t expect a pinko nation like the Grave White North to pick up on such basic economic concepts. When more people want your stuff, make your stuff more expensive. Especially when your stuff is already well below market value. Whatever, Canada. You’re just gonna do your own thing anyway…
Photos of what I’m guessing is either (a) a prototype for the 2010 Winter Olympics torch or (b) an enormous doob. From the Toronto Star:
[T]he torch’s resemblance to British Columbia’s biggest cash crop was evident right away to Jodie Emery, editor of Cannabis Culture magazine.
“A lot of people come to Vancouver because it’s marijuana-friendly, so I think people who already enjoy a joint themselves will feel a little more kinship to the Olympics,” said Emery, who ran as a Green party candidate in the provincial election this month.
Michael Phelps could not be reached for comment. But seriously, it’s nice to see that at least the Olympics not getting worked up about the comparison. I look forward to the 2020 Summer Olympics in Bogotá, Colombia, where their torch will resemble a handheld mirror and razor blade. Nothing brings people together like the Olympics. Except drugs. Obviously.
As part of Vancouver’s commitment to excellence in preparing for the 2010 Winter Olympics, the city is allowing a sex trade advocacy group to provide prostitutes with tips on how to deal with incoming media (prostitution is kinda legal in Canada). The Prostitution Alternatives Counseling and Education Society (PACE) has scheduled the media training workshop for November.
The PACE training session will touch on issues like public photography and interview consent.
“We just want (the sex trade workers) to be aware of what their rights are around media, including the fact that it is legal for (media) to take a picture of them on a public street,” [a PACE rep] said.
“And if they do consent to an interview, they can get the questions ahead of time. Things like that.”
There are only two questions you should ever ask a prostitute. “How much” and “Same time next week?” All other communication should be executed in the form of grunting and gesturing. And do you tip prostitutes? Okay, that was three questions.
Yesterday was the 28th anniversary of the United States’ big win over the Soviet Union in the 1980 Olympics in Lake Placid, New York (as opposed to Lake Flaccid, Your Wang). But hey, you just said it happened 29 years ago. Yes, I did. But you don’t get married and then instantly celebrate your first anniversary. Do the math, penis wrinkle. Shit.
Tonya Harding is (a) still alive, (b) piggish, and (c) recently appeared on HBO’s Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel, which first aired on Tuesday. Even though she still makes public appearances as That One Chick Who Tried To Make Figure Skating A Contact Sport 15 Years Ago, she apparently is upset that people don’t remember those events with more fondness.
“How much responsibility do you think I need to take? I paid my debt to society, all right? I live an every day life trying to succeed in whatever I do trying to keep a roof over my head. How much punishment do you think I need to go through?”
Narration: “No, it wasn’t the way she wanted it but Tonya Harding did secure her place in sports history… in American culture actually and after fifteen years… for good or for bad… she’s even part of our vocabulary… ”
Obama at a campaign speech: “And when we were down 20 points in the summer, all the pundits and all the smart folks they were saying, ‘OK, his only chance now is he’s gotta knee-cap her. He’s gotta do a Tonya Harding on the front-runner.’
Wait, so it means to attack someone? I thought it just meant using your penis to club a girl with big teeth. Oh, man. I’m gonna lose credit for all the Tonya Hardinging I did in college. There’s a video after the jump, but it’s kinda scary.
[quote from Newsday's Watchdog, video from Geno's World]
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