Even after my team locked up the worst record in the NBA, I’m trying hard to enjoy the NBA Playoffs because I think what LeBron James and the Miami Heat are doing this season, despite being what we’ve expected them to do from day one, is legendary stuff, and I think that the West is going to provide us with some exciting basketball all the way through Game 7 of the Conference Finals, before the eventual winner has to play the Heat in the NBA Finals.

Two things, though, are annoying the bejesus out of me. One, as always, is the completely idiotic scheduling that gives teams two days off between certain games, and is the reason why BASEketball gave us that hilarious scene about drawn out playoffs. The other, though, can only be explained with a Seinfeld reference. You know how Kramer practically has a seizure every time he hears Mary Hart’s voice? Well, that’s me with will.i.am.

Except instead of a seizure, I get really punchy. Case in point, ESPN’s “That Power” NBA Playoffs commercial, starring will.I.am and players from all of the playoff teams except for the ones that ESPN and the NBA don’t care about.

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I think we all need to take a seat, maybe form a circle and just relax for a few minutes. We get a little bit too crazy about sports sometimes, and we tend to overreact toward athletes and media analysts for their decisions and/or opinions. I mean, take Twitter, for example. Have you seen the horrible verbal venom that is spewed at famous people on that “social media” site on a daily basis? Hell, I’m as guilty as the next guy for making cracks at some athletes, but I’m talking about the violent threats.

It’s really getting out of hand, and it’s been spilling out into our stadiums and arenas now, ruining the idea of fun competition for everyone. What the hell’s the point of going to a game or a bar these days if you constantly have to look over your shoulder and wonder if someone is about to stab you? Sports are supposed to take our minds off the really sh*tty things in life and provide hope and inspiration. Instead, we have people slaughtering each other in the streets.

Everybody calm down and let’s remember why we’re here in the first place… to hope that the other team loses and pray for people to be fired. That’s what sports are all about, dang it.

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Here’s Will.I.Am; he’s a noted recording artist. And really, “Recording artist” is just a white person’s way of saying that he makes music without trying to classify it as R&B or Hip-Hop or some other genre that hasn’t quite hit the Cracker Pipeline. Anyway, Will wants a tryout for the Dolphins. He says he’s gonna wear “blood red” shoes and kick Reggie Bush’s ass, which is kinda like saying, “I can stay sober longer than Jeremy Shockey.” It’s not all that impressive. “What’s the worst that’s gonna happen,” Mr. I.Am. asks. Probably this video, actually.via.