Some kindhearted but softheaded folks in northwestern Pennsylvania held a 24-hour wiffle ball game to raise money for charity. Because pity money’s as good as any.

The whiffle-ball players raised about $1,500 for Western Star Lodge No. 304 of Albion’s college scholarship fund. Fans also brought about 200 cans of food and other packaged items for the Northwestern Food Pantry in Albion…

The final score? Brozich’s white team scored 935 runs, and the blue team scored 514. The game ended in the top of the 149th inning, said Brozich’s wife, Kendra, Some guys hit — what? — 150, 200 home runs.

The long balls weren’t exactly Ruthian — the fences were only 64 feet away. But you might think that only if you’ve never tried to hit a whiffle ball. The holes can make the balls dance like a curveball from Josh Beckett.

Wait, they stopped in the top of the inning with the winning team nursing only a 421-run lead? Way to besmirch the integrity of the game, guys.

And how did the donations work out? They raised slightly over $1 per run scored. You need a rounder number to determine how people should give. Next time they should charge based on how many hits with a wiffle bat it would take to kill the person who came up with this fundraiser. That whistle of the wiffle bat is really a death rattle.

I think Wiffle Ball was meant to be played outdoors: 

Certainly these fine young men are some of our best and brightest. Was that a picture of Christ our Lord over the entryway?  He's probably satisfied with His decision to be tortured and crucified for these guys. -KD