I’m trying to be a lot better about reserving judgment these days until I fully understand the subject matter at hand, so with that in mind, I offer the most confusing topic that I’ve written about this year – Con Bro Chill. Known to lacrosse fans as Denver Outlaws midfielder Connor Martin, this flamboyant lacrosse icon is apparently the antithesis of the unintentionally hilarious lacrosse PSA that Vince posted on FilmDrunk two weeks ago, as he and his colorful cohorts have taken to YouTube and concert stages to spread their YOLO power party lifestyle to the lacrosse masses.

The aforementioned video, of course, featured a group of adult lacrosse players, including the guys from Adrenaline LAX and Happy Madison actor Peter Dante, telling kids at lacrosse camps about the importance of not adopting the lacrosse bro mentality. As a recovering bro, I was dumbfounded, because Dante is the epitome of a bro, so that had to mean that a lacrosse bro is something so much more outrageous and offensive. All I could think of was an Entourage DVD smoking weed with an LMFAO album while Vin Diesel plays the air guitar. And you know what? Con Bro Chill really isn’t that far off.

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The most appropriate picture ever.

When not wrestling for TNA, Hulk Hogan spends his days pulling a Jose Canseco and shamelessly retweeting fans who think he should be in The Expendables 3, because he is apparently such an awesome actor. And Hogan is simply so devoted to the craft that he even recently shot his own black and white independent film about a woman with absolutely no pride. That film, of course, is the much-talked-about Hulk Hogan sex tape released by Gawker last week.

According to E! News, Hogan plans to sue whoever is responsible for sending the video to the online tabloid, and it is being reported that the unknown female Hulkamaniac had no clue she was being filmed. However, because sex tapes are the easiest ways for women to become famous and washed up “celebrities” to get back in the spotlight, TMZ reminds us that a very lazily named porn website is offering Hogan quite the payday for his approval of the film’s release.

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"So, uh, you wanna, like, grab a brew and then make out?"

Yesterday, my best friend and bass player in my Nelson cover band, Danger Guerrero, brought us the terrific story of the bet between Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers and the classic 90s R&B group Boyz II Men. How DG didn’t ask me to photoshop Rodgers photobombing a Boyz II Men album cover, I’ll never know, but it was an exciting story nonetheless, as Rodgers and the Packers lost to the San Francisco 49ers and Mr. Discount Double Check now has to wear an Alex Smith 49ers jersey this week.

The reason I recapped yesterday’s news is because there are good, fun and playful bets, and we like those because they don’t require me to read man-on-man erotic fan fiction. Instead, I had to do that because a Reddit user and presumed Gaslight fan named “americanslang59” also lost a bet, and the result was indeed erotic fan fiction that involves Rodgers and Smith. I didn’t think it was possible but the Internet became a much stranger place yesterday.

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12th Man, meet the most desperate man.

Well, it was bound to happen.

That’s Dave “Softy” Mahler of Sportsradio 950 AM in Seattle reporting what my brother, a huge Seattle Seahawks fan, told me in a frantic text last night, that unemployed human disaster Terrell Owens is heading to Seattle for a tryout or workout or cup of coffee. I’m not sure, the Tweet is pretty vague.

Thankfully, sports writer, attorney, and guy who doesn’t know sh*t about MMA, Mike Florio, was able to confirm that Owens is indeed trying out for the Seahawks. Apparently the Seahawks cut Antonio Bryant, and that left them with Sidney Rice, Golden Tate, Doug Baldwin, Braylon Edwards, Deon Butler, Ben Obamanu, and 6 other wide receivers, not including tight ends Zach Miller and Kellen Winslow, and that’s clearly not enough receiver depth.

Damn it, Seattle. We were so close to a world without T.O.

It’s been a while since I’ve checked in on Houston rapper Riff Raff, and this is hardly breaking news, but every once in a while it’s fun to stare at a warehouse fire in complete awe. If you’re unfamiliar with Mr. Raff, he got his start on the MTV dating reality series “From G’s to Gents”. Since then, he’s become quite the YouTube star, with his freestyle rap videos racking up tens of thousands of hits. Honestly, I can only wonder, “WHY???”

But some people love the guy, as evidenced by those YouTube hits, Soulja Boy’s eagerness to sign Mr. Raff to his label, his unusual friendship with Simon Rex and Andy Milonakis, and the fact that James Franco will emulate his style and look in the film Spring Breakers. And the reason I bring him up today is because someone recently mentioned one of videos on Twitter and, just like the last time I looked this clown up, I found myself watching all of his videos again.

One of Riff Raff’s common themes appears to be sports references, like his songs “Tiger Woods” (featuring Justin Bieber’s more punchable doppelganger) and “Larry Bird“. But I prefer this video for his song “Jose Conseco” the most, both as an anthem for hater-blocking and because he misspelled our favorite Twitter troll’s name.

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If I had to define and specifically choose one dream job for myself for the next 365 days of my life, I’d want to travel around the country, attending the most bizarre and ridiculous competitions. That is, of course, unless someone posts a Monster.com ad for “Kate Upton breast holder”, in which case I will take that, please.

Sure, I could cover the Super Bowl and World Series and that would be cool, because they’re super huge events, and all that jazz. But to be able to cover the U.S. Beard and Mustache or American Pole Dancing Championships would be so much more incredible, because who the hell are these people and where do they come from? I’m fascinated by the strange and extraordinary.

This week’s bucket list event comes in the form of the 2012 Old Timey Coney Island Strong Man Spectacular. Upon first glance, it looks like your ordinary hipster festival, but I feel like once you see a man pull a truck with his hair, you enter an entirely different realm.

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