The NHL needs a “previously on” recap before games, I guess.

Hockey’s been gone so long, even the networks airing hockey games don’t remember what happened the last time the NHL was in season. They know the Kings won the Stanley Cup. Their logo has a basketball on it for some reason, right? They know Wayne Gretzky’s daughter has an Instagram account and a fantastic body, and Wayne Gretzky was a hockey guy, probably. The rest? They’ll just make that up as they go.

As an example of what I’m talking about, here’s an ad for NHL on NBC, wherein they hype saturday’s Pittsburgh/Philadelphia game by saying Claude Giroux and the Flyers “have their sights set on revenge for last season’s playoff loss to Pitt.” Uh, you know, that series the Flyers won in six games and pretty much dominated. Was NBC not around for ‘Knock Knock?’ Oh well, at least they know who Claude Giroux is, and didn’t just call him Eric Lindros.

If we’re gonna fan-fic last year’s playoffs, can we write in a thing where Alex Ovechkin tried really hard, and the Caps didn’t make me feel terrible again?

[h/t to Puck Daddy]

This clip of a Dutch soccer fan going Full Mr. Bean is funny enough, but it gets better the more you watch it. Pay attention to everyone else in the crowd. The guy who swats at the ball at the last second. The guy making “loser” gestures in the top right. So much to find and love. The joke, I guess, is that he fell onto his Netherlands. (via Holdout Sports)

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Take A Look At The Original Air Jordan IV Catalog From 1989 |Smoking Section|

Wizards Beat The Heat: Fans Cheer For RG III Instead of Hoops Team |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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Any similarities between that picture and the John Cena Boner Run For The Cure 2012 are entirely coincidental.

In my continuing efforts to write stories for the two people I know in Canada, here’s a pretty goddamn amazing clip of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford celebrating his city’s hosting the 100th Grey Cup by playing football. Here’s the full recap: he takes a snap from nobody, cannot manage one step backwards, turns and hop-falls onto his face. It’s sad, hilarious and adorable at the same time, and hey, I am now more aware than ever of where the 100th Grey Cup will be.

Video is below.

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If you can’t figure out what’s supposed to be happening in that picture, let me help you out. The guy who looks like he’s pooping on goal is Alexander Wennberg of Djurgarden, a team in the second-tier Swedish league HockeyAllsvenskan. Yes, I know I already wrote about Swedish people doing weird shit today (and I feel like I’m writing about ‘Skyrim’), but bear with me.

Opposing goaltender Erik Hanses lost control of the puck when Wennberg crashed the net, somehow losing it in dude’s pants. Wennberg continues his ass-first descent into goal, the puck falls out of his pants with a plopping motion (we’ve all been there) and Hanses gets one of the most ridiculous and kinda-embarrassing goals against ever. To put it more simply, it was the least sanitary Statue Of Liberty play I’ve ever seen.

Video is below.

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With about 5 minutes remaining in the second quarter of Sunday’s win over the Philadelphia Eagles, Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger checked down to Rashard Mendenhall for a 13-yeard touchdown and the first score of the game. I watched it happen live and I remember it because I texted a friend who started Mendenhall in fantasy football to say, “Smart move.” It also made me feel stupid for thinking Jonathan Dwyer was going to be “the Steelers’ Darren Sproles” but I’m an idiot and we all know that.

What I didn’t realize is that the touchdown was credited to Mendenhall as a run, which means that the 7 points (or 7.3 or 6, depending on how your league scores) only went to the RB and not Roethlisberger in fantasy league scoring. At the time, that was fine, because you just shrug it off and hope for more points from your other players. But yesterday morning this wasn’t fine, because the TD was correctly attributed to Roethlisberger. Guess what that means.

That play alone swung results in 20,000 matchups this week, including a tussle involving our very own Handsome Hank and his Violent Executioners.

That’s right — nearly 70,000 NFL.com fantasy users woke up Thursday with a different record than they had the night before, 40,000 because of one Big (Ben) stat correction. The siren call of the fantasy gods is mighty on this day. (Via NFL.com)

This affected a girl that I know and girls are irrational and insane, so I assume that I haven’t heard from her because she’s on a 13-state homicidal spree. Thankfully, it didn’t happen to me, because I wouldn’t be writing this. I’d be in prison, awaiting trial on 14 charges of pooping on NFL officials’ doorsteps. In fact, after the jump, I’ve included some GIFs of appropriate reactions for anyone whose fantasy wins were overturned because of this correction.

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The Dallas Cowboys have mastered The Internet, but not in the way they’d intended.

Back in 2007, the Dallas Cowboys placed a winning bid on the Cowboys.com domain name, but never actually handed over the 275K they’d bid “due to an internal miscommunication”. Given the timeframe I’m gonna guess the internal miscommunication was “somebody saw a GoDaddy commercial and thought they should look into it, because dancing ladies”, but that’s unconfirmed. The report, from Domain Name News by way of Shutdown Corner:

The domain name brought in a $275,000 bid from a phone-in bidder at the recent TRAFFIC domain live auction in Hollywood, Florida. The bidder had been earlier identified to be a representative from the Dallas Cowboys NFL team. An inside source confirmed with DomainNameNews that the deal began to fall apart over a misunderstanding with the bidder on what the bid of “275″ actually meant. It appears the bidder thought they were buying the domain for $275.00 rather than $275,000.

Cowboys.com remained dormant for years, but now in the most Internet thing of all time, the site is operational … and it’s a cowboy-themed gay dating site. No, seriously, look:

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