One of the best perks of this gig, behind only working in my underwear and making Photoshops of Channing Tatum, is that people often send me very strange links, images and videos under the assumption that I’m into that kind of stuff. And they’re almost always right, because I love crazy sh*t. Then sometimes people also send me porn and it’s too strange, because it just is.

Right in the middle of that spectrum, though, is an email I received the other day from a reader who insisted I get hip to the world of “Hooping”. It seems that there is a whole world out there of competitive and freestyle hula hoops that I have never been even the slightest bit aware of, and it’s probably because I’m not a hippy. Specifically, I’m not a female hippy with dreadlocks. As always, though, I’m trying hard not to judge people, even when they follow up emails about competitive “Hooping” with hooping porn. But again, I’m not judging.

That said, my curiosity for hooping sent me on one of my classic YouTube and Tumblr journeys and I ended up falling into a wormhole that I almost never came out of. What I came back with is a collection of mostly SFW videos and GIFs that are downright hypnotic. Seriously, if this hooping thing is a cult, I could totally see how people could fall for it.

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In the spirit of September’s rope swing fail comes THE EXACT OPPOSITE. A bunch of crazy people take a length of rope, a video camera, some dogs and a gross of woolen hats out to a canyon and start rope swinging around in it. Crazy. Make sure to watch for the guy who tries to tight-rope across the canyon and OH MY GOD. (via DOTD)

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Links

Pod Pods Pod: The Boy Meets World Podcast Episode 7 (featuring Brandon Stroud) |Trough Network|

G.I. Jose — ‘A Real Mexican Hero’ — Is Real And His Van Is Glorious |UPROXX|

News Anchors Saying The Name Of 9-Year-Old Rapper Lil Poopy Is Never Not Funny |Warming Glow|

“We Saw Your Junk” gives Seth MacFarlane’s Boobs song a sex change |Film Drunk|

Here’s An 11-Year Old’s Ski Jump Fail, Because We’re Awful People |With Leather|

20 ‘Street Fighter’ GIFs To Dragon Punch Your Day |Gamma Squad|

Ever Hear The Story Of When Freddie Gibbs Met Michael Jackson? |Smoking Section|

This Week In F–k You: Onion CEO Steve Hannah |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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When I read that the 9th Annual Valentine’s Day Canine Kissing Contest and Cocktail Party took place last week in Portland, I immediately pictured Fred Armisen dressed as a hideous female as a pink dog with giant ear spacers slobbered his face. However, it turns out that today’s real life Portlandia tale actually comes from Portland, Maine, so I’ve been watching the IFC channel all morning for absolutely nothing.

Regardless, the contest in question featured a number of dog owners (do we really own dogs, though?) and their favorite pooches in a battle to see which human would let his or her furry counterpart lick his or her face the longest. Sadly, none of them tried my old college tactic of drinking too much Rumplemintz and passing out on the dog bed. WARNING: You may also be pissed on.

So who were the big winners at this year’s contest anyway?

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"Why, because I'm black?"

As has become customary in this YouTube era, companies no longer wait for the Super Bowl to actually air their Super Bowl ads, which is why any outrage from PornHub’s executives would be about as real as a Faye Reagan orgasm. At the very least, many companies have started leaking “teaser ads” – which is wholly absurd – like Mercedes’ Kate Upton car wash ad or Volkswagen’s Star Wars dogs, but most companies have just said, “F*ck it, here’s the whole commercial” because they love when bros like me write about them.

Speaking of Volkswagen, the German car company’s Super Bowl 47 ad hit the cat tubes earlier this week and it already has more than 3 million views on YouTube. Of course, it’s not because the commercial is any good – it’s okay, I guess – it’s because people think that white people doing Jamaican voices is racist.

Gee, I wonder if Volkswagen’s ad team saw all of this attention coming when they filmed this commercial.

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On Saturday, No. 23 Ole Miss men’s basketball had a pretty tough time holding off a less-than-stellar Auburn Tigers squad, as the Rebels just barely squeaked out a 2-point win. Auburn’s Frankie Sullivan missed a three as time expired, making the game’s hero junior guard and all-around spaz Marshall Henderson, who sank two free throws to make the difference in the final score. He was also second in scoring for the Rebels with 15 points, but we only care about those two points, because they show how clutch Henderson thinks he is.

That’s why, when the clock expired, Henderson made his way to the Auburn student section, as you can see in that delightful GIF above that was posted by College Hoops Journal (H/T to Storming the Floor). As you can see, Henderson is reminding the Tigers fans that he goes to Ole Miss, which is why he is extending the front of his jersey in an outward manner, as if to say, “Excuse me, opposing fans. Have you seen this jersey? It is mine.”

Or perhaps he just wanted to know if he got any ketchup on it. Either way, the above GIF is glorious, and there are many reasons why, but I wanted to highlight my favorites in our latest Scene Breakdown.

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“Doing segway” is a sport, right? It’s a thing with wheels. That’s sports enough for me.

Anyway, World Wide Interweb’s latest video of Segway fails is delightful, and a lengthy, illustrated example of why we should not create those Wall-E chairs that let us float around as fat people in space. Highlights include the girl in the banner image running into a wall and getting trapped under her own giant walking device, a bomb squad guy (?) faceplanting, and that horrible thing that happens where you try to catch your balance and end up crotching yourself on the handlebars.

Video is below.

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