If you’ve been around this site for any time at all, you’ll notice that we’re not as high on Bengals wideout Chad Ochocinco as the rest of the world is. That’s partly because the guy plays for my favorite team, and that his production has fallen as his national profile has risen. But I still appreciate the fact that he made time to hang out with Ruben St. Hilaire, a homeless boy in New York.

Ochocinco and Deion Sanders found out that one of Ruben’s dreams was to go to a football camp. Now he’s going to one of the most exclusive camps in the country, with a price tag ranging from $400-$760, prohibitive to Ruben and his mother. Sanders donated a spot in one of his camps to Ruben, and Mr. Chad Johnson was on hand at the Children Mending Hearts Gala to present young Ruben with the award. To top it all off, it was Ruben’s birthday, and Chad led the entire crowd in singing happy birthday. –Cincy Jungle.

But then there was this fun story involving the “Dancing With The Stars” contestant and his new reality show, where he acts like Bret Michaels did in “Rock of Love,” except that Chad doesn’t have to wear a wig. Read the rest of this entry »

Denouncing informercials is really just part of the American experience, especially since this guy is gone and this guy seems set to do jail time, but I can’t remember a time where I saw something on late-night TV where I said to myself, “This is absolute junk that will be of no worth to anyone in the universe, ever.” Until now.

This is the Hug-E-Gram, and if you have $30 to piss away in These Trying Economics Times, you can pick one up for Valentine’s Day this Sunday. Oh yes, that’s two days from now. You didn’t forget, did you? No, of course not. Valentine’s Day is good for a card…and that’s about it. She already has her birthday, your anniversary, and 9/11 to feel special. How many days does she need?

I don’t know where this international soccer match was held, or at what league level the game was played, but all I know is that this one broad goes all Dhalsim and just slaps and kicks everyone within a ten-foot radius of her. And then she gets chased through the village. It’s awesome that women’s sports is finding its way in these underdeveloped countries, especially as they’re chasing down one particularly militant woman through the streets to beat her senseless. via.

From the cult classic indie porn, Dong in Darkhole

Cowboys wide receiver Miles Austin threw himself a birthday party at AMPM in Dallas, which is apparently a night club and not a chain of gas station/convenience stores.  Although a birthday at the local am/pm could be fun, too.

Anyway, Austin spared no expense on furry costumes and girls dressed as Playboy bunnies, proving that he not only listens to the sage words of owner Jerry Jones, but that he also respects the style of the dynastic Cowboys team of the 1990s.  Ladies, to the private jet!  We’ve got skyf-cking to do!

|images via NBC Dallas; see the full gallery there|

Urban Meyer met with high school coaches to speak at a clinic in Fogelsville, PA, and I’ll bet that it was much better than my last trip to the clinic, where The President caught a Q-tip right in his gullet. During the presentation, Meyer listed his five core values, including “Always show women respect.” Pfft, like I was ever gonna play for Florida, anyway:

He said that if he hears of one of his players hitting a woman, even if it’s in self-defense, the player is gone from the team. Period.

In fact, even if he sees someone not opening a door for a lady, “I’ll jump on a kid’s (bleep). That’s the way I was raised.”

Apparently there’s no core value against receiving blowjobs from Verne Lundquist every Saturday. Hey, maybe I’m cut for this Gator business after all. I mean, he’s no Rush Limbaugh, but my dad always said beggars can’t be choosers. Probably because he was always begging.

|Morning Call, via GameOn|

For the last two years, I’ve been at the Super Bowl, swindling my way into various parties so I can take pictures that don’t turn out well and tell stories no one’s really interested in.  Turns out I can stay home, get better photos, and not waste my and your time recounting disappointing evenings.  I mean, uh, WOOOO SUPER BOWL!!!!1!!!!11!!!

Anyway, these are photos from last night’s Gentleman Jack/GQ/Yardbarker Super Bowl pre-party, hosted by Terrell Owens. Aside from the banner image, we’ve also got the soul-sucking eyes of agent Drew Rosenhaus — yes, he has a Superman logo incorporated into a T-shirt of his own agency — and Darren Sproles, whose watch is slightly nicer than my Casio.  BUT DOES IT HAVE A CALCULATOR?  I think not.  Winner: me.