I think I remember seeing this on Tuesday Night Live right after "The Big-Ear Family":

My grandma gave us corned beef, but I guess that doesn't work as good for a description of a grand slam as salami does. I prefer corned beef to salami, but I'm Irish. What's not to like though? Hibernian butchers discovered long ago that they could make one of the worst cuts of meat palatable by soaking it in brine – mmm, good.  Oh yeah, the Mariners beat the Angels yesterday. Richie Sexson knocked in the game-winning RBI on a 2-run homer, and thinks he's going to have a big season:

“If I feel the way I feel right now all season, I’m going to have a big year,” said the slugger, who is making $14 million this season. “My bat is as quick as it’s ever been.”

I'm not laughing because Sexson hit .205 with 21 HRs last year, I'm laughing because Seattle is a funny word. -KD

Two old guys who were teammates for a decade and a half starting in the Reagan years pitched pretty damn well last night, but only won of them could get the win.  John Smoltz (7 innings, no runs, 5 Ks) outdueled Tom Glavine (six innings, five hits, 2 runs) to get his 200th win and improve to 7-2 on the season as the Braves beat the Mets 2-1.

Wait, 200th win?  That's it?  Glavine's almost got 300 and their other buddy from the '90s, Greg Maddux, is like halfway to 400 by now (edit: I meant halfway to 400 since his 300th win, i.e. like 350. It made sense in my head at the time).  What the hell has Smoltz been doing?  What's that?  Getting over 150 career saves?  Whatever.  He's still the Kate Jackson of those Charlie's Angels.

Fun fact!  Rafael Soriano, acquired in a trade with the Mariners for Horacio Ramirez, pitched a scoreless inning for the hold, his seventh of the season.  Ramirez (ERA: 6.47) also pitched last night.  He lasted two innings before leaving with tightness in his shoulder as the M's lost to Tampa Bay 13-12.

Other MLB scores: RAWR! Tigers maul Angels 12-0… Another wild night in Miami: Fish beat Phils 5-4 in 11 innings thanks to Miguel Cabrera's game-winning hit. The Phils loaded the bases in the top of the inning but couldn't score a run. Also featured: a bench-clearing fracas in the 4th… Da Meat Hook is back: Dmitri Young led the Nats over the Reds in a battle of the best AAA teams in the NL.

Tom Glavine is considering retirement following this season, particularly if he wins his 300th game.  Tommy is sitting at 290 wins, so I think he can fool umpires into calling that outside strike for ten more victories.  Memo to the teams of the National League: Let him have it, so we don't have to go through this will he or won't he bullshit next offseason – that's Clemens' schtick.

Glavine is probably the best left-handed pitcher since Sandy Koufax, and he is virtually assured of election to the Hall of Fame.  You know who cares about his impending retirement?  Nobody.  Did you know that Greg Maddux will pitch for the Padres this season?  The ladies would rather discuss the 'cream' and the 'clear', the finer points of Albert Pujols' batting stance, and how Magglio Ordóñez makes them 'misty' when trots into right field.  It even seems John Smoltz's wife would rather talk about things other than good pitching.-KD