And now for something completely different.

When you’re a mixed-martial arts fighter, “having a heart attack after a dead cow fell on you in a slaughterhouse” can’t be high on your list of expected ways to die, but here we are. By way of an hilariously-insensitive report from Mirror UK comes the story of the tragic death of Scottish amateur MMA fighter Ally McCrae, a wrestler, Thai boxer and blue belt in Brazilian jiu-jitsu who happened to work in an abattoir.

Ally McCrae, 23, was trapped when the carcass fell off a hook and he suffered head injuries which triggered a heart attack.

The super-fit amateur cage fighter was rushed to hospital but surgeons were unable to save his life.

His trainer John Nicolson said yesterday: “Ally was such a joker and when I heard the bizarre circumstances, I thought he might be playing a joke.”

And can you blame him? That doesn’t really sound like news the human brain is ready to accept. Also, I love how Mirror UK notes that he was “super-fit”, as if his chiseled abdominals were going to protect him from the freefall a 600-pound cow.

You can find out more about the story at Mirror, or you can check out this hilariously-insensitive report from Fightlinker that forgets this guy was a human being and breaks down the cow-to-body collision like a fight. I know this is a terrible situation, but the better part of my heart tells me that if I died being flattened by a projectile slaughterhouse cow I’d want the people who found out to have a laugh. Because seriously, holy sh*t.

[h/t Vince at FilmDrunk]

David Bennett, head coach of the Coastal Carolina Chanticleers, believes that his players should be less like cats and more like dogs. Cats get confused about a one-way screen door because they’re too busy looking in the mirror, making sure they have the proper amount of sweatbands and making non-stop cat noises. Dogs, inversely, lie somewhere in another part of the house, barking. At least I think that’s what this insane asshole is trying to say, watch for yourself.

For a guy who hates cats, he sure is pretending to be a cat a lot.

This video comes to us from Sportress of Blogitude by way of Off The Bench, and I think it might be one of those things everyone should experience despite no one being able to provide context. It’s like listening to the last half of your crazy Uncle’s story without hearing the beginning. You know there’s a cat in the house, and you know there’s a dog, and there’s a guy named Mel, but he might also be a dog, because … I don’t know.

Anyway, here’s a video of the last Chanticleers game.

Read the rest of this entry »

Yesterday marked the start of the 2011 Running of the Bulls, the most popular part of the seven-day festival of Sanfermines in honor of San Fermín in Pamplona, Spain. This is one of those things I can’t really report about without editorializing, so I’ll let good old Wikipedia fill in your blanks.

Spanish lore says the true origin began in North-eastern Spain during the early 14th century. While transporting cattle in order to sell at the market, men would attempt to speed the process by hurrying their cattle using tactics of fear and excitement. After years of this practice, the transportation and hurrying began to turn into a competition, as young adults would attempt to race in front of the bulls and make it safely to their pens without being overtaken. When the popularity of this practice increased and was noticed more and more by the expanding population of Spanish cities, a tradition was created and stands to this day.

The modern purpose of the run is to transport a bunch of bulls from the off-site corrals where they had spent the night, to the bullring where they would be killed in the evening, and to charge Bohemian tourists with no sense of compassion 250 bucks to stand on somebody’s balcony. Ah, sorry. I don’t want to push my beliefs on anybody, but I do want to present to you a huge gallery of pictures from the event. They’re beautiful shots, and I guess it’s hard to take a picture of anybody doing anything during the Running of the Bulls without it looking like a critique on humanity. It’s apparently important to a nation’s culture, like our professional football games, and we can’t hold it against Spain and the Spanish that most of the people paying to attend are devolved goons, like at our professional football games.

Enjoy. And be sure to be in Pamplona for the running next July and every Summer after, should you decide this looks like a great way to spend an afternoon.

[header photo credit AP / Daniel Ochoa de Olza]

Read the rest of this entry »

Here is the first national news story in the life of our future President: 10-year-old Michael Dasher of Rockledge, Florida, said he was fishing with his friends from the side of a canal when he accidentally snagged a six-foot alligator. Now, this is where my national news story would end. There would be a big headline reading “LOCAL OAF CHILD DEVOURED BY WATER BEAST.” Because Dasher is not me, he reacted to a charging SIX FOOT LONG GODDAMN ALLIGATOR by hitting it with sticks and jumping on its back. He then captured the animal like this was some real life episode of Pokémon and dragged it home, suffering only minor scratches. I don’t care how Bieber-esque this kid is, he rules. And I hope he uses the alligator to combat small birds.

Unfortunately, nobody else thinks so.

[Grandfather Benjie] Cox said after he gave Michael a stern talk about what he had done, the [Brevard County Police] officers gave him one, too. He said they told him that if he was older, he would have been arrested and charged with a felony.

Cox said the alligator seemed like it was in bad shape, but wildlife officers said they were planning to release it back into the St. John’s River.

Michael said he learned his lesson and will run if he ever sees another alligator.

Isn’t that just like a parent, missing the forest for the trees? He could’ve at least given him a “whoa, that was awesome, but you could’ve died” instead of badgering him about jail. I bet Gran’pa Benjie would’ve gotten chomped trying to hobble out of that canal. Michael, here’s some actual advice: the next time you see an alligator, put it on a leash and teach it to attack your grandfather and local police.

[via WTSP]

Muscle squirrel will critique your bench press form

I’ve never really thought of baseball as a wussy sport, but it’s really difficult not to when I see things like this. Last night, a squirrel stopped the Yankees-Twins game in progress at Target when it ran around the field. Twins third baseman Brendan Harris flinching like that is pretty pathetic. The guy can look down a 90 mile per hour fastball, but jumps when he sees a squirrel? Awful.

The game was eventually suspended due to rain after the 5th inning, which doesn’t help baseball’s case for being a manly game. While the NFL schedules a Super Bowl to potentially be played in the snow, baseball players can’t play in the rain. It makes sense, because their perfect brims may get all bent out of shape, and their button downs might shrink in the wash.

More squirrel antics after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

A jogger in Arizona was attacked by a rabid fox, and instead of saying, “Ahhh! Shiiiiit!” and trying to kill the fox or run away, she ran over a mile with its jaws clamped on her arm.

[T]he woman told deputies she was on a trail near Prescott on Monday when the fox attacked and bit her foot. She said she grabbed the fox by the neck when it went for her leg but it bit her arm.

The woman wanted the animal tested for rabies so she ran a mile to her car with the fox still biting her arm, then pried it off and tossed it in her trunk and drove to the Prescott hospital.

True story: a Marine friend of mine went running in the Mojave outside Twentynine Palms, and he was attacked by two wild dogs.  Not some pussy little fox.  Two wild dogs that coordinated attacks while he ran through the sand back to his house almost two miles away.  His arms, legs, and ass were torn to pieces, and he had to get dozens of shots afterwards.  Later, when he told the police his story, the deputy actually said, “Well, what were you doin’ runnin’ out there?”  Somewhat insensitive, but not unfair.

And you know why THAT wasn’t in the news?  Liberal news media ignores the troops.

(Thanks to Nick at Celebslam for the tip, although I should point out that The Sporting Blog has also written about this, or else Chris Mottram will send me an email bitching and crying for a link.  So there ya go, Chris.)