Pete Rose has engaged in a variety of acts which have stained the game, and he must now live with the consequences of those acts. He’s started admitting his mistakes, but I’m not sure he’s got a handle on the whole “living with the consequences” part. In a story that can only exist in a world where a peaceful God enjoys reading The Dugout, eternally-banned baseball hit king Pete Rose wants back into the game, and he’s going in head first like … uh, himself.

“I want to be a manager, that’s the only role,” Rose told the crowd at Ohio Justice and Policy Center gala. “But I’m running out of time. I want to teach young players.”

Rose announced his intentions to the attendees of the Ohio Justice and Policy Center gala, who last time I checked are not in charge of any baseball teams. It’s sort of like Brett Favre showing up at a local high school, zipping up his Wranglers and mentioning that he wants to be the commissioner of football and own a large horse.

“I don’t go to many banquets where I sit with the judge that sent me to prison,” the hit king and keynote speaker said, drawing laughter from the 300 people in attendance. “I’m not bitter at anybody. I made the mistake.”

He then added, “C’mon, Paulie, roll a dice. Take a chance!”

Personally I think Pete should be in the Hall of Fame and that what he did wrong barely matters in the grand scheme of spousal stabbings and drunk drivings in modern sports, but sorry, Pete, the only guy who could take back the whole “you’re banned forever from everything, deal with it” died before you started owning up.

Apparently what will happen in Dover will stay in Dover, as the leagues of the four team sports and the NCAA won’t have their federal lawsuit heard before December. I could be spending Thanksgiving in Delaware, putting everything on whoever is playing Detroit that day. No, don’t tell me who it is! You’ll ruin the fun…

In a statement the leagues’ lawyer, Kenneth Nachbar, said: “We continue to oppose more legalized gambling on our games and we are evaluating our options.”

In Delaware, Gov. Jack Markell’s spokesman, Joe Rogalsky, said: “The state is moving forward with its plans to offer a full compliment of sports lottery options by the start of the NFL season Sept. 10. We look forward to a vindication of our position at trial in December.” via.

Frankly, I don’t give a damn what the pro leagues want; it’s more fun to wager money on your favorite team than it is to buy one of those ugly hats that the NFL seems to release every year. And somebody needs to explain to me how their product is hurt by more people becoming interested in the results of your events. And spare me the puritan trash about the one guy who wagers himself into oblivion because he has no self-control and Daddy didn’t love him enough or he has that really cool version of autism where he kicks ass at math and sucks at everything else. Besides, nothing would make me happier than to see the NFL, NBA, and NCAA not get their way for once. Those are the bastards that need to work on self-control issues.

According to sports biz whiz Darren Rovell, Bodog Sportsbook manager Richard Gardner took it personally when more and more people on that site continuted wagering on the Lakers to win the NBA title. So he set up a little wrinkle to the process that apparently will soon be costing him a boatload of cash.

Anyone who placed a bet on any other team to win the title would get $50 back from Bodog if Kobe and his boys ended up hoisting the trophy. It’s why, besides the players and the team executives themselves, Gardner probably has the most on the line.

The total damage if the Lakers win? Gardner already knows the number down to the cent: $394,411.50.

Oh, and I have no explanation for the girl in the dryer, but I’m pretty sure she was wearing a white shirt when I first put her in the wash. I guess you can’t wash teens on hot water, because the colors bleed. But only for three days out of the month.