I have to credit Awful Announcing for his stellar work — Matt Vasgersian had two terrific moments during last night's Fiesta Bowl, and within minutes both YouTubes had made their way onto AA's blog.  The first, above, is Vasgersian's call of Owen Schmitt's touchdown run.  Owen Schmitt + runaway beer truck = subtle Schmitts Gay SNL reference, which gets huge points in my book.  The other moment was obvious pandering to bloggers, so I relegated it to after the jump.

Oh, right: the game itself.  West Fuckin' Virginia more or less dominated Oklahoma in a 48-28 win, which is fine with me because Oklahoma flat-out blows as a state, whereas WFV at least has some charm in the way it embraces its couch-burning culture.

grammar mistakes.

"I'll tell you what," said Red Sox manager Terry Francona. "There are a lot of American League pitchers getting real nervous — and we're one of them."

So… the Red Sox are now an American League pitcher?  I don't even say things that retarded when I'm drunk.  As this blog post proves.

The #2 ranked team in the nation lost yet again as the 28-point favorite West Virginia Mountaineers lost to the Pittsburgh Panthers 13-9 in the annual "Backyard Brawl". In a related story, my 2003 Saturn ION (slight body damage) is for sale.

Pitt, which had lost four of the last five to West Virginia and allowed 45 points to the Mountaineers in each of the last two games in the series, celebrated the biggest victory of coach Dave Wannstedt's three lackluster seasons. "I remember walking off the field two years ago at halftime saying that we needed to run faster," said Wannstedt, who received a three-year contract extension on Friday. "Today, we ran faster." The Pitt coach improved to 16-19 and repaid the university for its show of faith with a BCS-busting victory.

That Wannstedt is a wily bastard. I wouldn't put it past him that his team's poor performance up until this game was all a ruse. I watched him for years when he was coaching the Bears – he's clearly a genius. I was reminded of my financial prediction of this game via a colorful phone call from my window man. Tip: NEVER sing the "sticks and stones" chant to a bookie you owe money to, it makes him angry and gives him ideas. -KD

Photo credit: AP Photo 

College football is killing me.  Well, at least causing me severe pain.  Two representatives of my local independent businessman just stopped by to tap my patellas with a ball-peen because West Virginia couldn't beat the South Florida last night.  It's a good thing I "borrowed" all that morphine from that oncology nurse I used to date.  Anyway, let's celebrate this minor upset with a body painter: 

Other than the obvious, there are 3 ways you can tell this astute scholar has been over-served:

1. He's painted green and yellow, and it's not March 17th.
2. Everyone knows sober Floridians don't smoke.
3. He's hitting on the fat chicks. -KD 

I've always had a soft spot in my heart for West Virginia University.  I was a Major Harris fan back in the day, and I'm eternally grateful to the 'Eers for giving us Chris Henry and Pacman Jones.  And last year's team gave us the athletic prowess (and taunting meows) of Steve Slaton and Pat White.

That brings us to this video from Every Day Should Be Saturday, which is a thing of beauty and a joy forever.  Have you ever heard a rap song with a John Denver hook before?  Or one where the rapper name-drops "rhododendrons"?  Now you have.  Did you know that West Virginia is the 35th state and home of 55 counties?  That the state bird is the middle finger?  If D-Why and Profit say so, then it must be the truth.

Don't get me wrong: I love a good Pacman Jones story, but this isn't what I'm talking about.

Mike Barwis, strength and conditioning coach at West Virginia, said the Titans cornerback called Thursday and told him he might return to Morgantown to pursue his degree and work out at the school.  "He said he's trying to iron a few things out,'' Barwis said. "I think he is trying to do the right thing. I think he is trying to get himself in an environment that is going to help him.''

What.  The.  Fuck.  You think you know a guy…

Barwis, FYI, is the guy who kind of got Pacman to semi-behave while at WVU.  He stepped in as a father figure and transformed Jones from a rabid wild animal to the lovable no-good hoodlum we know today.  So, in theory, this could be a big step forward for Jones, returning to work out with role model he respects and take some… classes?  For… his… degree?

Yeah, sorry.  I'm just not that gullible.  He's more likely to cut off his dreds and show up to press conferences in Dockers and a polo shirt than he is to take more than one class.  And I say even odds that one class will be Nutrition.