If you’re not familiar with the exploits of Patrick Tribett over the past few years, then I’m afraid you’re just not living life, my friends. The West Virginia man is an Internet sensation thanks to various appearances on The Smoking Gun for his multiple arrests for paint huffing. Well, I hope you’re sitting down, because Tribett has been arrested again for throwing himself a one-man ballpark giveaway. And the prize was a can of sweet, metallic spray paint. I’ll give you a second to catch your pigment-scented breath.

Wetzel County (WV) sheriff’s deputies were called to Hydro-Drive Ball Field, the apparent home of the Fightin’ Krylons, because of a suspicious man lurking around the ballpark. Turns out it was our old buddy Tribett, and I’ll bet you’re wondering if he had gold paint on his face. He sure did. This arrest is a milestone for Tribett, as it is believed to be the 10th time that the aerosol-aficionado has been booked for paint huffing. They say the 10th time is the one you’ll remember… *sniffs, huffs* forever.

All that glitters is definitely gold, WTOV 9 in West Virginia:

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Gray Gaulding is a man on a mission. Well, he’ll eventually be a man on a mission once he actually becomes a man. In the meantime, he’s a teenage boy on a mission, and his goal is to break every stock car racing record on the planet. The 12-year old phenom could very well do it someday, once he’s actually old enough to race as a professional. And when he does, he’ll most certainly thank his team’s sponsor – gunbroker.com.

Gaulding’s season has been impressive to say the least, as he’s won 10 of the 30 races he’s driven in this year, cashing in more than $20,000 in earnings. When reached for comment, 12-year old Burnsy stole $5 from his mom’s purse and bought a copy of Penthouse Forum. The Gaulding clan is devoted to Gray’s development as a driver, moving to Virginia so he can race in the Legends Division and also helping him secure the supportive-yet-controversial gunbroker.com sponsorship. In fairness, it’s much better than his original sponsor, underagelapdancekittenkiller.org.

Rubbin’ is racin’, CBS News:

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I've never been one to understand the monochromatic get-up college hoops coaches feel like they need to occasionally whip out, ala Bruce Weber in the 2005 title game.

I suppose when you're leading West Fucking Virginia, you're forever going to be a slave to fashion. You can probably chuck a mean battery as well.

Indeed, Bob Huggins was either going the Col. Mustard or Huggy Bear route last night in his first return to Cincinnati since being ousted in 2005 as head coach.

It was none too golden as the Bearcats drubbed the Mountaineers 62-39.

Huggins was later found pantomiming for quarters outside the arena. Don't turn your back, he'll do something wacky. If you're a lady, he'll wave at you. Sorry dude, deposit the change.

-Christmas Ape