This is a bunch of ways to mess with people in the gym.  And while anyone who tries any of of these things in real life probably deserves to get hit in the throat with a 45-pound plate, I still like the video because I’m a stickler for gym etiquette and an opponent of meathead douchebaggery in the weight room.

Other ways to disturb people off in the gym: Ask another guy about his tattoos in the sauna.  Wear shorts that are too short; stretch.  Or my personal favorite: be an extremely old man, and walk around the locker room naked.  Yeah, we get it: you’re old and stooped and have white back hair, and you’re comfortable with your naked body.  Now put a towel around your waist.

[Hot Clicks]

In retrospect, Hungarian weightlifter Janos Baranyai probably should have tried to snatch a little less than 326 pounds.  Hee hee, "snatch"!

[The Sporting Blog] 

This is Melanie Roach. She's 33, her husband is in the Washington state legislature, and she has three kids (one of which was diagnosed with autism, and the family does a lot of charity work blah blah blah). But I care because Melanie made a comeback after five years off to qualify for the Olympics…

…as a weightlifter.

Roach was the top-rated lifter at the U.S. weightlifting trials, claiming one of four female spots allotted to the Americans. She'll be joined in Beijing by Carissa Gump, Natalie Woolfolk and third-time Olympian Cheryl Haworth.

"This is far better than anything I expected," Roach said. "If I had made the team in 2000, I wouldn't appreciate it nearly as much as I do now."

Roach's comeback was even more remarkable considering she quit the sport for five years to start a family. When she decided to start lifting again, the pain returned, too, forcing her to undergo surgery in the fall of 2006 shortly after she claimed her sixth national title.

Her husband's in politics, so she should be back on the market in…six years? I hope she can keep it going for that long. I mean, Barry Bonds played until he was 43, and no one ever tried to stick anything in his ass…

[Yahoo! News]

"Can I get a little help here?"

My older sister had Volume II of the Greatest Hits of Olivia Newton-John on LP (that's 4 music platforms ago for the younger readers) which had a 3-panel foldout on the cover of lovely Olivia and provided me with my first sexual experience. Sure vinyl had hisses and pops, but the album covers were much easier to see. Have you ever tried to masturbate to those small pictures on an iPod screen? It's almost impossible. Almost. -KD 

"Wait 'til all the chicks on the interwebs see how buff I am . . . "

I can only think of a few reasons to record your lifting technique. To check your form, maybe? I don't know as I'm naturally strong, but I'm pretty sure exposing your identity as a momma's boy isn't one of them. -KD

Are your mind and body still sluggish from all the turkey you consumed over the course of this weekend?  Mine sure are, although it also could have something to do with John Jameson's wonderful elixir. Well, time to get back in shape fat ass. Just make sure you choose trustworthy gentlemen to spot for you when you hit the weights:

That noise is strangely familiar. Where have I heard it before? Oh, that's right, in the prison shower room. -KD