College Humor found video of this dude attempting to make America laugh again by lifting a barbell while standing on top of one of those big colorful workout balls. And I don’t get why that guy has his buddy bringing a video camera into the gym. And maybe instead of trying to climb onto a ball, try throwing some more weight on that bar and doing more than three freaking reps. HAVE YOU NO SHAME, SIR? I’d rather do steroids than work out with this guy…
Steroid testing paranoia has reached a fever pitch in Belgium, where the mere sight of doping officials at a bodybuilding meet caused competitors to flee and eventually forced the event to be cancelled. Thanks to OC for the heads-up. From the monolith:
A doping official says bodybuilders just grabbed their gear and ran off when he came into the room.
“I have never seen anything like it and hope never to see anything like it again,” doping official Hans Cooman said Monday.
During testing of bodybuilding events last year, doping authorities of northern Belgium’s Flanders region found that three-quarters of the competitors tested positive.
This begs another question: if everyone’s using, and everyone’s testing, why not just go clean? Forget about the merits of “not cheating” or whatever those prissy traditionalists are calling it now. If you didn’t use steroids, your competition has just been quartered. That’s a lot of logic for those Belgians, though. Though it doesn’t explain why anyone would pass on that delicious Belgian chocolate. Mmmm, chocolate.
This is a bunch of ways to mess with people in the gym. And while anyone who tries any of of these things in real life probably deserves to get hit in the throat with a 45-pound plate, I still like the video because I’m a stickler for gym etiquette and an opponent of meathead douchebaggery in the weight room.
Other ways to disturb people off in the gym: Ask another guy about his tattoos in the sauna. Wear shorts that are too short; stretch. Or my personal favorite: be an extremely old man, and walk around the locker room naked. Yeah, we get it: you’re old and stooped and have white back hair, and you’re comfortable with your naked body. Now put a towel around your waist.
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In retrospect, Hungarian weightlifter Janos Baranyai probably should have tried to snatch a little less than 326 pounds. Hee hee, "snatch"!
This is Melanie Roach. She's 33, her husband is in the Washington state legislature, and she has three kids (one of which was diagnosed with autism, and the family does a lot of charity work blah blah blah). But I care because Melanie made a comeback after five years off to qualify for the Olympics…
…as a weightlifter.
Roach was the top-rated lifter at the U.S. weightlifting trials, claiming one of four female spots allotted to the Americans. She'll be joined in Beijing by Carissa Gump, Natalie Woolfolk and third-time Olympian Cheryl Haworth.
"This is far better than anything I expected," Roach said. "If I had made the team in 2000, I wouldn't appreciate it nearly as much as I do now."
Roach's comeback was even more remarkable considering she quit the sport for five years to start a family. When she decided to start lifting again, the pain returned, too, forcing her to undergo surgery in the fall of 2006 shortly after she claimed her sixth national title.
Her husband's in politics, so she should be back on the market in…six years? I hope she can keep it going for that long. I mean, Barry Bonds played until he was 43, and no one ever tried to stick anything in his ass…
"Can I get a little help here?"
My older sister had Volume II of the Greatest Hits of Olivia Newton-John on LP (that's 4 music platforms ago for the younger readers) which had a 3-panel foldout on the cover of lovely Olivia and provided me with my first sexual experience. Sure vinyl had hisses and pops, but the album covers were much easier to see. Have you ever tried to masturbate to those small pictures on an iPod screen? It's almost impossible. Almost. -KD
