NFL FACIST UNIFORM CODE over Pink Stuff. “Breast cancer awareness?” Are there people out there under bridges still unaware of breast cancer? Have all the diseases afflicting men been cured while I was harassing the mail carrier? Whatever, dude.
Tonight. Eskimos -4 over BLUE BOMBERS. Edmonton QB Ricky Ray is an easy player to like. He’s like the Canadian Tim Tebow, but without all the annoying religious eyeblack.
LOUISVILLE +7 over Pittsburgh. Tony Pike for Heisman! What’s that? He’s not playing in this game? I don’t care! Same conference!
Saturday. MARYLAND +13 over Clemson. Just your garden-variety ACC snoozefest. This is the kind of game that you’d watch on the couch right before you’d fall asleep.
Michigan +3 over MICHIGAN STATE. Can’t believe the Wolverines are getting points here. Forcier’s arm could be dangling out of his hip pocket and there’s still no way in Hell I’d pick Michigan State.
LSU +3.5 over GEORGIA. I hate Georgia this year. Okay, I hate Georgia every year, but I really don’t think much of their team right now.
Washington +13 over NOTRE DAME. Hey, did you know that Charlie Weis is fat?
Ohio State -19 over INDIANA. Look for Jim Tressel to run up the score here…all the way to 28, even.
Washington State +35 over OREGON. Just so I have something to watch when I get home from the bar tomorrow night.
Sunday. Raiders +9 over TEXANS. I’m still not convinced that Gary Kubiak has turned the corner in Houston.
Bengals -6.5 over BROWNS. Enjoy going 1-15 this year, Cleveland. Oh, by the way, I’m being optimistic.
Bills at DOLPHINS, under 37. It’s the lowest total of the day, and it’s still not low enough.
BRONCOS +3 over Cowboys. This is really a hedge. Either I win my bet or I get to finally see Josh McDainels lose.
SITE NEWS: I’m delighted to announce that Weed Against Speed, noted Deadspin commenter and wiseass-in-chief over at Sportress of Blogitude, will be editing WL tomorrow and Sunday. Do stop by and enjoy his work this weekend.
Tonight: Alouettes (one L, two Ts) -4 over TIGER-CATS. Montreal is 9-2 on the season, but the Ticats are coming off a big win against Calgary last week.
Shock at FEVER, under 144. It’s the conference finals; the Shock won Game 1, 72-56. I’d tell you how many games this series would go, but I really have no clue.
Saturday: Fresno State + 16.5 over CINCINNATI. Fresno State football is the hot redhead loaded with heroin that swallows on the first date and then trashes your apartment the next morning. I don’t trust them.
WISCONSIN -3 over Michigan State. I can’t imagine Michigan State winning another game. Ever.
LSU -12 over MISSISSIPPI STATE. I think “Mississippi” is spelled correctly. Maybe.
Illinois +14 over OHIO STATE. Juice Williams has had the Buckeyes’ number for some time. Expect this game to be too close for comfort for the faithful in Columbus.
TCU at CLEMSON, over 41. TCU is actually getting 3 points in this game…I can’t do it. Wait, yes I can.
TCU +3 over CLEMSON. I almost feel guilty doing this.
KENTUCKY +22 over Florida. I don’t expect Florida to blow anybody out during conference play. Plus, Kentucky head coach Rich Brooks is kind of a badass.
Sunday: Browns at RAVENS, under 38.5 The Browns are getting 14 points in this game. I’ll even predict the final score. Ravens, 38-0.
Packers -7 at RAMS. The Rams might be the worst team in the league right now. A lot of coaches can win in their first year if they have a stronger nucleus, but these Rams are old and crusty.
Steelers -4 at BENGALS. Don’t be fooled by Cincy’s win last week. The Bengals won’t be able to move the ball against this defense.
Colts +2.5 over CARDINALS. Seriously, why would anyone pick Arizona in a big game? Against Peyton Manning?
Thanks to everyone that read us, sent us tips, and rubbed our belly this weekend. Enjoy some Weed tomorrow.
At the end of each Friday, we pick the winners to the world’s best matchups in all of sport. And sometimes baseball. Home team in ALL CAPS.
Tonight: Stampeders -3.5 over TIGER-CATS. Why is Hamilton’s team name hyphenated? Did they get divorced? Reminds me of Helena Tillman-Katz, my old Jewish neighbor. She sucked at football, too.
FRESNO STATE +8 over Boise State. I don’t bet against teams that have random consonants on the backs of their helmets. Either way, don’t count on Boise State covering here.
Saturday: MICHIGAN -24 over Eastern Michigan. The bus ride from Ypsilanti to Ann Arbor will be about 30 minutes. But it won’t matter, because the Eagles are genuinely terrible, and the Wolverines couldn’t be hotter right now.
Tennessee +30 over FLORIDA. Lane Kiffin’s trash talking has made this the game of the day. But he’s not gonna like the result. Can he sell “Urban couldn’t cover” to next year’s recruits?
NOTRE DAME -10 over Michigan State. Same ol’ Spartans.
Cincinnati -1.5 over OREGON STATE. Homer pick.
Mayweather -350 over Marquez. “Sting like a bee” over “Drink your own pee.”
Cro Cop +110 over Cigano dos Santos. Cro Cop is the guy I’ve heard of. Plus his name has the word “cop” in it. He’s a slight ‘dog in UFC 103’s big fight.
Sunday: JETS +4 over Patriots. New England should have lost against the Bills last week. They won’t get lucky again.
Rams +10 over REDSKINS. Unsilent took the Redskins, which means I must take the Rams.
Raiders at CHIEFS, under 38.5. Jamarcus Russell vs. Brodie Croyle. Need I say more…
BILLS -5 over Buccaneers. Redemption game. Fred Jackson will enjoy the limelight while he still has it.
Giants +3 over COWBOYS. Scoreboard.
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Every Friday, we pick the winners of the most tantalizing matchups from around the world. And sometimes baseball. Home teams in ALL CAPS.
Tonight: Colorado -4 over TOLEDO. So was Jamie Farr really gay? Or were the producers of M*A*S*H just like, “Well, let’s come up with one way to get this guy out of fatigues? Wow, that sounded a little gay right there.
Tiger-Cats -1 over ARGONAUTS. Toronto is 2-7 on the year. I have to assume that, even in Canada, that sucks.
Stampeders +1 over ESKIMOS. Both teams are 5-4, yet Edmonton is 1-3 at home and allowed almost 60 more points on the year than they’ve scored. Though I’m a bit squeamish about only getting one point against Ricky Ray.
Saturday… Read the rest of this entry »
Every Friday we pick the winners of the world’s greatest sports matchups. And sometimes baseball. Home teams are in ALL CAPS.
Tonight: Tulsa - 14.5 over TULANE. New Orleans teams don’t have a great track record against Hurricanes. Yeah, I went there. And I took the under (62).
Tomorrow: OHIO STATE -22 over Navy, under 47. Tresselball coasts out of the garage again tomorrow, but only drives around the block a few times and never gets out of second gear.
Kentucky -15 over MIAMI OF OHIO. What’s more ridiculous, that there’s no city in Ohio named “Miami?” Or that Kentucky has a football team?
Nevada +14.5 over NOTRE DAME. Sayonara, Charlie Weis.
ILLINOIS -7 over Missouri. Mizzou has too many holes to fill, and Illinois isn’t getting nearly enough credit as a legitimate contender in the Big Ten.
Middle Tennessee State + 18.5 over CLEMSON. New coach. Same underachieving Tigers.
Army +6 over EASTERN MICHIGAN. Charlie Batch played at Eastern Michigan…and that’s about all I have.
Rutgers -5 over Cincinnati. The Bearcats have been decimated by graduation on defense. And only in college football would you ever read the phrase “decimated by graduation.” in print.
Miami (FL) at FLORIDA STATE, under 47. Admit it, we don’t really care who wins this game anymore.
Sunday: NAP over High school football. Get your rest in while you can. You’ll need it next week.
Every Friday, we pick the winners to the weekend’s hottest matchups. Home team in ALL CAPS. Follow PUNTE’s action here.
Tonight: White Sox +1.5 over YANKEES. Start spreading the spread…They’re losing today…I want to get a piece of it…New York, New York…Yessss Sir!
ARGONAUTS +6.5 over Stampeders. Also going over 54. The Argos have lost 9 straight games at home, but Calgary (3-4) isn’t faring much better. Toronto gets off the schnide tonight.
Monarchs at LYNX, under 163. Sacremento couldn’t score 80 points in a game if they lowered the nets to 8-1/2 feet. That said, these teams are the two worst in terms of field goal percentage allowed. But 163 is a lot.
Tomorrow: URAWA RED DIAMONDS + 155 over Vissel Kobe. Kobe sucks.
BURNLEY + 2 over Chelsea. I just don’t trust Chelsea to cover. And I love Burnley, who beat Man U two weeks ago, getting two goals when they’ve played in low-scoring games all month.
HULL CITY + 240 over Wolves. Bandwagon pick, as much as picking a 2-2 team can be.
49ers + 7 over COWBOYS. Raise the roof! Oh, wait, they already decided not to.
Sunday: Bears + 2.5 over BRONCOS. Jay Cutler Returns! Facing The Coach Who zzzzzzzzzzz. Call me in September. Which will be Tuesday, actually. Awesome.
