While it’s no surprise that the NBA could be so generous, league officials have granted permission for New Jersey Nets personnel to attend this Saturday’s wedding of Kim Kardashian and Nets forward Kris Humphries, according to the Associated Press. The league previously did the same thing for Chris Bosh, so it really isn’t a big deal that Nets owners Mikhail Prokorov and Jay-Z, as well as GM Billy King and anyone else deemed brave enough to stand between a wedding cake and Khloe Kardashian, would be able to attend.

Except that Humphries is a free agent and this could give the Nets an unfair advantage at re-signing him when the league eventually ends the lockout in the next 200 months or so. Some media outlets have suggested that Humphries’ career 5.6 ppg and 4.7 rpg could be a good value on the open market before next season, and it should be pointed out that the teams that think like that are the reason that we’re in this mess.

A few other notes to show you what Humphries has gotten himself into, and could have escaped if he had just let Reggie Bush steal his woman back…

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Because there’s nothing the Internet loves more than a viral video about a wedding,

On 7-23-2011 Lauren and Wes got married in front of many family and friends, showing their true love and bond between them for the rest of their lives… Yet they we still celebrating the Bruins Stanley Cup Victory in 2011, and this is how they came to enter their wedding reception in and EPIC fashion… We Got The CUP!!!! Boston Bruins 2011 Stanley Cup Champions!!!

Not a lot of black people at this wedding, I’m guessing.

Right now the two top thumb-getters in the video’s comments are “awesome job!” and “f**king obnoxious”, which I think are the only ways people can process something self-described as “epic”. Wedding receptions are supposed to be goofy and fun, so it’s not like they danced down the aisle to Chris Brown. Of course, the comments on Puck Daddy (to whom we give an inflatable Stanley Cup tip) expound on the severity of the situation: “Other people’s weddings and other people’s fantasy sports teams/leagues are the most insipid and banal topics of conversation to the vast majority of the population.”

I don’t know which side I’m on. I don’t think this is more less obnoxious than having two people light a single candle to illustrate their love or drinking out of a big cup or stomping on things, and that stuff usually happens during the wedding part. So yeah, good on them for having a good time.

If you weren’t aware, Kris Humphries and his fiancée Kim Kardashian are rich. Kris is rich because he’s spent the last seven years playing in the NBA, and Kim has a big ass and a sex tape. So it shouldn’t surprise you that you should hold on to your butts while looking at their wedding registry, unearthed today by prestigious sports blog HollywoodLife.com.

Here are some of the highlights, liberally copied and pasted, because holy sh** if you click the actual registry and read through it it will blow your mind.

An Osiris Butter Spreader — $43

A Baccarat Missouri Candy Bowl — $375

A Cunill Galaxy Sterling Frame — $470

A Saint James Silver Baba Vacaro Bowl — $330

A Lalique Tourbillon Black Vase — $6500

A Baccarat Eye Large Vase — $950

A Baccarat Missouri Jam Jar — $380

A Baccarat Missouri Mustard Jar — $175

A Moser Bar Bowl — $140

A Lalique Black New York Clock — $1115

A Lalique Cactus Flacon #2 — $450

A Lalique Ingrid Black Vase — $4625

An Hermes Balcon Du Guadalquivir Black Bread & Butter Plate # 1 — $105

An Hermes Balcon Du Guadalquivir Black Bread Plate #4 — $105

A Buccellati Torchon Salad Serving Spoon — $880

A William Yeoward Country Martini Glass — $46

I don’t think Kim Kardashian was expecting a rounded dish when she put a “bowl” on her wish-list. And 175 dollars for a mustard jar! Maybe I’m not related to a Jenner, but the most elaborate mustard-holding device I’ve ever owned is a yellow cylinder with a nipple on top. Which, come to think of it, sounds a lot like Kim Kardashian.

Also on the wish-list: an onyx “sleeping nude” statue, assumedly to remind her of every boyfriend she’s had besides Kris Humphries. I think in the spirit of good will and matrimony, we should all pitch in and get her stuff from the Etsy Collection. I’m sure there’s a Kris Humphries statue or a portrait or a pinata in there somewhere. No? Is he not famous enough for that?

Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback and former Milledgeville-area ladies’ man Ben Roethlisberger is revealing details of his engagement to Ashley Harlan. The couple is set to marry in July–a week before the Steelers open camp–amid heightened scrutiny from the media. I wonder why anyone in Pittsburgh would care about their quarterback’s engagement plans.

Among the highlights of Roethlisberger’s chat with Ed Bouchette: Ben is asking for donations to his foundation in lieu of wedding gifts, and that he and Harlan had dated “kind of on and off for five years.”

Ms. Harlan, a physician’s assistant who turns 27 in July, lives at home with her parents. Mr. Roethlisberger cited the couple’s religious faith and beliefs as the reasons for not living together until marriage. He also hopes she can continue to live her life out of the spotlight.

“I try to protect her as much as I can. People have gone to her parents’ house and have been doing some things,” Mr. Roethlisberger said of the media. “That bothers me a little bit because it’s what I do for a living, I have to deal with it, but her parents and her, that’s not what they have to do.”

–Pittsburgh P-G.

I wonder if he’ll have private security outside of his honeymoon suite to keep all of her friends at bay. I’m still amazed at how a guy like Ben can put on a new public facade and everyone beams, “Oh look how he’s changed.” Maybe he has, but this wasn’t personal growth achieved through striving for self-improvement. He got caught fooling around in a bar stall and it threatened his livelihood.

But yeah, religious beliefs now. Let’s see how that works out.

"Hooray, stemware!"

Update: We had a scheduling issue with this post yesterday, so in case you missed it, we’re bumping it to the top of the page. –JZ

Ben Roethlisberger may have turned 29 yesterday, but the bigger news is that his wedding is only 142 days away. And while we thought that Mr. Lack-of-Commitment would never find the right girl to hold tie him down, we were all proven wrong by Ashley Harlan, whose parents gave her a boy’s name, I might add. The couple will tie the knot in Pennsylvania on July 23, which means that your time to buy the happy couple a wedding gift is quickly running out.

So what exactly do you get for the man who takes whatever he wants has everything? Thankfully, the team of “journalists” at TMZ took time away from giving us in-depth coverage of Gaddafi’s threat to release Libya’s weapons cache to the masses to take on anyone who supports his removal to search retail web sites and dig up Big Ben’s wedding registry. What kinds of terrible things does this controversial NFL quarterback and alleged sexual deviant demand of his friends and family for his most blessed union?

Find out after the jump, and be warned that you’re about to become quite ill.

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Hulk “Terry Bollea” Hogan married his girlfriend Jennifer McDaniel on Tuesday night at his home in Clearwater, Florida. And really, if you want to have a wedding that defines perfection, you really can’t go wrong with Clearwater, the city that gave us Hooters. But all was not peaceful and picturesque for Hogan and his new bride, as the Hulkster’s security team apparently got rough with a paparazzo that was taking pictures from 200 feet away, while standing in the ocean. No names were mentioned, but I’ve got $20 that says Brian Knobbs was involved.

And of course the photog in question wants to file charges and sue Hogan for physical, financial and emotional distress. I really hope that when the gates of hell open and Satan reigns over the sinners that he uses the paparazzi as toilet paper. But at least the 57-year old Hogan had a beautiful second wedding with his 35-year old new wife. That’s right, a 22-year difference. Hulk’s still my hero.

Whatcha gonna do, Your Tango, when Hulk’s saggy skin runs wild on you…

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