We finally tracked down some video of Wayne Rooney’s bicycle kick goal against Man City over the weekend. And it’s impressive if you haven’t already seen it. But honestly, it’s still impressive even if you have. It’s so good, in fact, that I’m surprised nobody has come out to say how not good it is. Oh, hello there, The First Post [UK]:

Okay, so it was a spectacular goal. But it was the sort they score in South America on a regular basis and, as Rooney himself admitted, there was a huge element of luck to it. “Nine times out of 10 they go into the stand,” he said afterwards.

Whatever. It went in and it looked awesome. I’m content to let the Brits be the chaff in the punchbowl for once. It only could have been better if Rooney were riding an actual bicycle. Maybe next year.

England failing to qualify for Euro 2008 hasn't stopped the WAG-tastic flow of stories coming out of English soccer.  Earlier this week we got the Christmas miracle of Abbey Clancy's bare breasts, and today, striker Wayne Rooney and longtime girlfriend Colleen McLoughlin were wed in Italy.  Kickette writes:

The civil ceremony for their marriage took place this morning, with just eight family members present, no rings exchanged, and Coleen in this pretty, rather understated dress (by WAG standards).  The real blow out is the blessing ceremony (with the Marchesa gown and the fireworks and the etcs), which takes place later on.

So they're in the weird in-between state of being recognized by the state, but can't yet do it as husband and wife in the eyes of God.  And you better believe that God likes to watch.  Watch a beautiful wedding ceremony, that is.  (/dodges lightning bolt)

In other sports-related wedding possibities, Kim Kardashian is on the record as saying she's headed for wedded bliss with Reggie Bush.  Bush is 23, Kardashian 27.  Bush is an independently wealthy pro athlete, Kardashian has a public sex tape with another guy.  Oh yeah, that's gonna work out great.

sunning and clubbing in Miami.  And not Miami, Ohio.

With a week packed with fun and frolics well underway the 22-year-old revealed yet another skimpy bikini as she stripped off by the pool to top-up her tan. The pampered hens spent a busy day lounging in the sun and floating about on lilos with a generous helping of wine to ensure the party goes with a swing.

I once spent an entire day doing the same thing.  Except I had the day off because I was unemployed, and I was outside because I'd gotten evicted.  And I was drinking cooking wine.  And I was hanging out with actual hens at a farm.  Still, pretty similar, right?

[Kickette] 

Star Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney has turned down the opportunity to appear alongside such luminaries as ZZ Top, Kid Rock, Nelly Furtado, and Gene Simmons in the video for "Rock Star" by Nickelback.

"They wanted superstars from sport in the video too and as Ryan in the band supports Man U they approached Wayne to appear." Apparently Rooney turned it down as "he only listens to hip-hop and thought it would be bad for his street cred", according to the source.

I checked my 2007 edition of Street Cred for Dummies, and there isn't really something you can do where hanging out with Nickelback actually improves your street cred.  You could wear a dress and sing the soundtrack to Cats with Barbara Streisand, and hanging with Nickelback would still hurt your street cred.  Hell, you could play professional soccer and — oh.

[Kickette] 

Striker Wayne Rooney made a "gesture" — I'm gonna go ahead and assume it was obscene — during an altercation with a fan after England's loss to Croatia in a European Championship qualifier. Rooney's agent Ian Monk said:

Any gesture Wayne may have made was directed to one, and only one, particular England fan, whose behavior towards him appalled the other England players who saw it and horrified the rest of the England fans.

That's what I like about England. None of this "I made an error in judgment" bullshit. Nope, send your agent out there and be all, "Oh, he meant it all right, but it was just for that one asshole. That guy can fuck himself. Wayne regrets that you had to be in the stands with such a cocksucker." Only I guess he'd probably say wanker and not cocksucker. Whatever. Our foul language kicks England's foul language's ass.

(Why am I showing a picture of Rooney's fiancee Coleen McLoughlin? Because I fucking can, that's why.)