Now that the NBA has given all of the remaining playoff teams a well-deserved night off, instead of, you know, scheduling the games accordingly so that fans could watch their favorite stars play every night, we get to sit back and enjoy some games tonight. And since the Miami Heat play, we’ll hopefully get some more Chris Andersen antics for Shaquille O’Neal to talk about on TNT tomorrow night since he apparently loves talking about the Birdman.

That Shaq, such the comic genius. I, for one, can’t wait to see him return to the big screen in Grown Ups 2. In fact, if TNT could show that Grown Ups 2 playoffs ad more than it already does, I’d be so incredibly happy. It’s great to see Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, David Spade and Kevin James openly acknowledging how they play the same character in everything they’ve ever done. That’s true comedy.

Read the rest of this entry »

Too little, too late, Lonely Island guys. Spring Break has once again come and gone. Or maybe that was the point. Comedy has so many layers these days.

Also, I wouldn’t marry James Franco. He’s just so strange, like he’s trying way too hard to be an artist. I feel like I’d come home from a long day at the office and find him cheating on me and he’d be like, “It’s art, bro husband.” I’m not falling for that again, James.

Read the rest of this entry »

Last night, as my beloved (when it’s convenient) St. Louis Blues were allowing the Los Angeles Kings to score two goals in the third period and even the series at 2-2 in the process, one of my favorite women in all of show business was not only attending that game, but she was also live-Tweeting the experience, as it was her first ever NHL game. That woman is Retta, who plays the wonderful Donna on Parks and Rec, and she was also the comedienne who delivered my favorite coverage for the 2012 Summer Olympics in Tweet form.

At that time, I pleaded with NBC through Twitter and telepathy to assign Retta to full-time Olympic coverage and now I’m asking the embattled home of my favorite TV show (Parks and Rec, obviously) to let her be an analyst for the rest of the NHL’s Stanley Cup Playoffs. I guarantee it would increase ratings by at least one person. That person being me. Hey, it beats the crap out of me making endless jokes about not knowing what channel the games are on.

Read the rest of this entry »

The above image of a pizza order was posted to Reddit over the weekend, as a Vancouver Canucks fan ordered his tropical chicken pizza for pickup on Friday night, presumably at the start of the third period, when Vancouver was trailing the San Jose Sharks 1-0. But Ryan Kesler tied the game within the first minute of the period, and that customer’s order quickly changed to delivery. Seven minutes later, the pizza seemingly became a hockey celebration prize, as the Canucks went up 2-1. Then it became an overtime feast when the Sharks tied the game at 2 late in the third. Finally, it became a feast of depression, as the Canucks lost 3-2 in overtime.

While I certainly feel for this fan… who eats chicken on a pizza? Gross, bros.

Read the rest of this entry »

Deion Sanders Tweeted this photo of his son, Deion Sanders Jr., in his dorm room, curled up in his Versace sheets. I believe that makes this the least surprising photo that the elder Sanders could have ever posted. I can only hope that Deion Jr. has an equal or greater talent for music than his father.

Read the rest of this entry »

That wasn’t the best National Anthem I’ve ever heard, but it certainly wasn’t the worst or even what I expected from a comedian like Rob Delaney. Delaney performed the National Anthem at a Los Angeles Dodgers game after he teased it on Twitter and most people thought he was joking. But sure enough it happened. So what was I expecting? I don’t know, maybe an Enrico Palazzo or a rendition using only mouth farts.

That doesn’t mean I don’t want someone to perform a mouth fart version of the Star-Spangled Banner. In fact, it would be awesome if it was a young girl or basically someone that you’d never expect it from. Like, even if one of those fat opera dudes came out, I’d probably think, “There’s a 25% chance that this guy mouth farts the National Anthem”. But if a sheepish elementary school girl walked out with her parents and she was too nervous to start and her mom was like, “It’s okay, honey, go ahead” and then she like *FART NOISE*… that would be AWESOME.

Read the rest of this entry »