I don’t usually consider a day complete unless I learn something new, and if that’s the case, today is an overwhelming success. Forgive my ignorance, but apparently there’s a retailer in Britain named Ann Summers, and the company specializes in, among other things, vibrators. Vibrators, as you may know, are used by women for self-pleasure when they do not have a sexual partner available. And that completes today’s With Leather Sex Education seminar.

As is the case for so many companies in London – and around the world, I suppose, but mostly London – Ann Summers decided to take advantage of the 2012 Summer Olympics being in its back yard, and yesterday the company rolled out a very special tribute to the 15,000+ athletes competing in the London games – a 24K gold vibrator. Wanna buy it? Get out your f*cking check book.

The adult store have released a new sex toy made from 24-karat gold. But you might need the salary of an elite athlete in order to afford one as it comes with a price tag of £10,000.

The vibrator, called the Lelo Inez, was on display at Ann Summer’s Westfield Stratford store by the Olympic Park today. Soldiers drafted in to work at the London Games were amongst those curious to get a look at the sex toy which was being as closely guarded as an Olympic gold medal thanks to its high value. (Via The Daily Mail or whoever wrote it first)

That’s roughly $15,000, in case you’re unfamiliar with the exchange rate for dollars and pounds. I was, so I looked it up, and then I spit my coffee all over the place and screamed, “FOR A F*CKING VIBRATOR?!?!” I mean, that costs more than what most medal winners will earn for competing.

But hey, who am I to deny a woman’s Olympic spirit? Especially if she’s willing to let me watch her celebrate the Olympics. Settle down, it’s cool, we’re perverts.

Read the rest of this entry »

For longer than I’ve lived in Central Florida, there’s been this quiet optimism that there could one day be a Summer Olympics right in Mickey Mouse’s back yard. There have been plenty of proposed ideas of how it could happen – from using Disney’s seemingly endless property on a loaner to a joint venture between Orlando and Tampa with facilities all along Interstate 4 – and none of them would ever work in a million years. But every time the International Olympics Committee meets to choose future summer sites, people in Florida start buzzing.

And the point of this edition of “Cool story, bro” is that hosting the Olympic games is severely overrated because cities just don’t make any money anymore. Back in 2010, city officials in Chicago spent $50 million just to bid on hosting the Olympics in 2016. Had their bid been accepted, Chicagoans would have been on the hook for $5 billion in up front expenses. Luckily, the bid wasn’t accepted, as Chicago didn’t even make it past the first round, so *flush noise* to that $50 million.

Not everything is doom and gloom, though. Atlanta proved that there is life after the Olympics by turning all of its event venues into state-of-the-art facilities for the city’s current sports teams – the Olympic Stadium is Turner Field, for example. Perhaps it would have been nice if someone had sent that blueprint to the folks in Beijing, as some people recently asked the question, “Hey, what happened to all of those venues the Chinese constructed to host the 2008 Summer Olympics and cost the country an absurd, record-setting $48 billion?”

Oh, they’re just chilling. Presumably holding a ton of brand new wigs.

Read the rest of this entry »

EIGHT F*CKING YEARS. That’s how long federal prosecutors spent trying to throw Barry Bonds in the slammer for 12 counts of perjury and obstruction of justice and whatever else they had a boner over. So when the verdict came down last week, what did the millions of dollars of taxpayer money get us? Guilty on four counts to the tune of a $4,000 fine, home confinement for 30 days and two years of probation. Oh, and he has to do 250 hours of community service.

Let justice be done though thy heaven’s fall.

A lawyer for Bonds, Allen Ruby, asked by reporters which side he thought had come out ahead in the sentencing, said: “It depends on whether justice was done. If justice was done, then everyone’s a winner. As to what we think, we’re not talking.”

The prosecutors in the case declined comment immediately afterward. But in court, assistant United States attorney Matthew A. Parrella took issue with Illston once it became clear from her presentence comments that there would be no jail term.

In response to her comment that Bonds’s obstruction of justice was a departure from an “otherwise law-abiding lifestyle,” Parrella said Bonds was “well versed in misleading people” and cited the illegal use of drugs and “mistresses through two marriages.”

“He wasn’t convicted for any of those,” Illston responded.

(Via the New York Times)

Ah, the old “He cheated on his wife so he must be a criminal” strategy. Pure brilliance. I’d love to expound on my outrage that tens and maybe hundreds of millions of dollars were spent by the government on trying to prove that Bonds used steroids when any person with a working set of eyes could figure that out, but I’ve already been distracted by the most compelling argument.

After the jump, meet the Barry Bonds fan who puts our whole legal system to shame.

Read the rest of this entry »