Here’s the recap from Larry Brown Sports, which is so understated it might as well read “baseball game was arranged and performed”.

The Astros and Nats were tied at 4 in the 11th when Kurt Suzuki attempted to move Roger Bernadina up from first to second on a sac bunt. He got much more than he expected thanks to some embarrassingly sloppy fielding from the Astros.

I guess it’s hard to write “a guy bunted and the Astros jammed their fingers into each others’ asses until they lost the game” and feel okay about it. Seriously, I’ve sat here for 10 minutes trying to think of a time when I’ve seen a worse play in baseball, professional or Pony League T-Ball or otherwise, and I can’t do it. Even that picture is confusing. In one tiny little square you get every explanation for the Astros being the worst team in baseball, and for their 4-31 streak heading into this Futility Armageddon moment.

This is the kind of thing people put into movies about bad baseball teams in the opening montage so you’ll feel happy for them when they stop squatting and farting on the field. Get it together, Astros.

UPDATE: Here’s the Benny Hill version, by request.

Read the rest of this entry »

On June 12, Washington Nationals rookie outfielder Bryce Harper responded to a reporter’s inquiry about whether or not he’d be having a “celebratory Canadian beer” with the immortal phrase, “That’s a clown question, bro”. By the morning of June 13, the Internet had beaten the joke into the ground, attributing Clown Question Bro status to everything from ICP to Pagliacci. You can find some of the best of those tweets here.

NC State head coach Tom O’Brien is still living in the morning of June 13.

Tom O’Brien, the North Carolina State Head Coach, tried to seem hip with the times at a function and used the Washington National’s Bryce Harper line “That’s a clown question, bro”. This came from a interview with Bryce Harper where a reporter asked Harper a question he did not like.

As Throw The Flag points out, it’s pretty surprising that O’Brien even knows who Bryce Harper is. His audience didn’t seem to. Well, besides that one guy who goes HENNHHHHH right before the clip stops. That guy got it HARD.

Less “clown question, bro”, more “those three things are going to carry on forever”, please.

This is a picture of Washington Nationals rookie Bryce Harper with UFC ring girl/Playboy playmate Brittany Palmer.

Compare and contrast that to the following video by YouTube’s Mallory Moreno entitled, ‘If Bryce Harper Was My Boyfriend’, a Justin Bieber parody song about how awesome of a girlfriend she’d be filmed longways on a Flip with about five minutes notice. Sample lyrics:

I got stats in my hands that i’d really like to show
show show to you
chillin at the ballpark while the sky’s blue
you don’t know about me but i know about you
so say hello to the bigggest fan of three four, swag

Long story short, this is the difference between Girls Who Like Bryce Harper, and Girls Bryce Harper likes:

Read the rest of this entry »

Tampa Bay Rays manager Joe Maddon and Washington Nationals manager Davey Johnson have spent the last few days insulting each other over an incident involving pine tar on Joel Peralta’s gloves.

The Washington Post has a full rundown of choice quotes — including Maddon saying Johnson had made a “pussy move” (or “cowardly”, depending on who’s story you’re reading) and Johnson calling Maddon a “weird wuss” with a “Tweeter”. We can only hope this goes on until the end of the season, when the Rays meet the Nationals in the World Series and Fidel Castro is throwing out the first pitch.

Anyway, the “what” of this story is less important than the “why”, so for all your Why needs, today’s Dugout is after the jump.

Read the rest of this entry »

Watching this video is like watching the birth of a beautiful child.

Via D.C. Sports Blog:

As you can see, one zealous Toronto media member in the postgame scrum asked Harper if he’ll be enjoying a “celebratory Canadian beer” after his monstrous home run. Nats PR quickly shut down the question, but not before Harper uttered the phrase that is sure to end up on a T-shirt by noon:

“That’s a clown question, bro.”

I hope you like that phrase. You’ll be hearing it a lot.

Because that is absolutely right, here are a few of my favorite #thatsaclownquestionbro tweets from this morning’s GET THE JOKES IN AS FAST AS POSSIBLE bonanza. Do you want to read them? That’s a clown question, bro.

Read the rest of this entry »

Tonight’s fantasy baseball game through FanDuel is one of the best deals we’ve ever offered: for only one dollar (remembering that you’ve probably got a dollar in loose change in your couch right now) you can enter, set up your own fantasy squad for Friday night and win money from a $300 cash pool. A dollar. The bandage they used to stop Bryce Harper’s head from bleeding cost more than a dollar. The server space required to let you click this post comfortably cost more than a dollar.

Here’s how to play:

Signing up is quick and easy, and you’ll get a chance to turn a dollar into several while I draft Jered Weaver and watch him give up 15 runs to the Padres. Make your dollar count!

SIGN UP NOW!