When the St. Louis Cardinals knocked off the heavily-favored Washington Nationals in the 2012 MLB National League Division Series, it made sense that some fans would be upset. After all, no team can be loved by 100% of baseball fans, not even the classier and more intelligent Cardinals, who are more realistically loved by 98% of fans. But it seems that some Nationals fans have indeed held a grudge against the senior circuit’s perennial underdogs-turned-heroes, and that seething hatred has led to one of the most creative artist’s renderings of a blossoming rivalry that we may ever see.

Created by Reddit user “nats13” – I believe that may be an homage to his favorite baseball team, but my fact checkers are still looking into that – the above portrait features such Nationals stars as Jayson Werth, Tyler Clippard and Kurt Suzuki attacking the Cardinals with an army of laser-equipped dinosaurs. The accuracy is stunning, as the Nats and their powerful army that includes a T-Rex, brontosaurus and pterodactyls are more powerful and advantageous.

However, the underwhelming Cardinals are also well-suited by the stegosaurus and triceratops, which are both noted by historians as the scrappiest and most-efficient dinosaurs. Or I just made that up. Either way, I’m probably going to spend the rest of my day watching Dino Riders.

Read the rest of this entry »

I don’t ask for much in this life, other than an ageless super model girlfriend who poops million dollar bills, but if Houston Texans RB Arian Foster could grab me about 160 yards and 4 touchdowns against the Jets’ horrible run defense tonight, that would be groovy like a disco movie.

Monday Night Football: Houston Texans at New York Jets – 8:30 PM ET on ESPN

Tonight marks the 666th edition of Monday Night Football, and of course it involves the New York Jets and Tim Tebow. I’m almost excited to hear how many horrible jokes Chris Berman makes about it in the hours leading up to kickoff. The over under is 12 bad jokes… wait, 12? Like the number of apostles? The end is here! I cast a biblical plague upon your houses!

Read the rest of this entry »

Teddy finally won the GEICO Racing Presidents race at Nationals Park. Previous to this, he was 0-525. I don’t know what to do with myself. I haven’t felt this way since Barack Obama won the Presidency.

I’m a diehard Cleveland Indians fan, but after their 0-81 second half and descent into jamming their fingers up each others’ asses madness, I’ve been forced to fall back on my favorite National League team, the Washington Nationals. I lived in Bethesda, Maryland, for a year and have spent many an afternoon sitting in an empty ballpark, watching Mets fans (or whoever) cheer as Nyjer Morgan throws hissy-fits and gives up inside-the-park homeruns. I’ve clapped along to THUNDERSTRUCK~ with 35 other sad people.

Despite their amazing season, my hopes for a deep playoffs run for the Nats have been light. The issues with Strasburg, the post-season inexperience of players like Bryce Harper … I just didn’t know if the Nationals could pull it off. Then, Teddy Roosevelt won the Presidents Race with the help of a phony Phillie Phanatic who lost his snout somewhere in the middle. Now … I don’t know. I feel like they could accomplish anything.

Video of Teddy’s glorious moment (and a training montage that helped build to it) is after the jump.

Read the rest of this entry »

I don’t want to bag on the Atlanta Braves, because I have a lot of friends who are #BARVES fans and I respect their fanfare. I also just don’t have a reason to dislike the Braves, especially since they were kind enough to lose an assload of games at the end of last season so the St. Louis Cardinals could make the playoffs and win the World Series.

But come on, champagne? For clinching a spot in the Wild Card play-in game? To clarify, I’m in the “There should only be champagne at the World Series” camp, so I think it’s silly when teams do it at every level on the MLB playoffs. Here’s my alternative suggestion – Smirnoff Ice for the Wild Card win, beer for the Divisional Series, Jager for the Championship Series, and then champagne for the World Series. Hell yeah, bros!

Now on to tonight’s incredibly boring sports action…

Read the rest of this entry »

n/t

Well, text, because I’m supposed to add humor and analysis to this or whatever, but Jesus Christ, this guy has a customized Nickelback shersey. Nickelback. Shersey.

If you’ll excuse me, I need to spend the entire weekend with my head in my hands.

[via Sportress Of Blogitude]

Nationals’ rookie Bryce Harper held his first ever youth baseball camp yesterday, taking time out of his very busy schedule to work with hundreds of Washington area kids on their hitting and fielding. While that is a very cool thing for a 19-year-old professional athlete to do, it is not my favorite part of the story. He also brought a giant check for $25,000 made out to the Greater Washington Urban League, which is also very cool because (a) giving back to the community that supports you and your team is a nice thing to do in general, and (b) giant checks are awesome and they should be utilized in financial transactions whenever possible. But, despite the dual-pronged coolness of this gesture, it is also not my favorite part of the story.

My favorite part of the story, you see, takes place around the 1:03 mark of the video posted below, when Bryce Harper addresses a group of kids working on their batting stances and dispenses this expert baseball advice: “Be as sexy as you can.”

I would have really liked to have been a fly on the wall of those kids’ homes last night when their parents asked them about baseball camp:

Read the rest of this entry »