One of the first classes that we should teach children in middle school is how to properly use search engines on the Internet. This goes not only for your basics like Google and Bing, but also for social media sites, because holy crap there are some really messed up people on Tumblr. The moral of this random opening is that sometimes searching “Food” will bring you to bisexual cyborgs flinging pudding at naked old people and sometimes it will bring you to someone’s creative artwork. Fortunately, we’re dealing with the latter today.

Falling into our long history of appreciation for zany sports fan art, I recently discovered designer Jesse Hora’s simply-but-aptly-titled “Athlete Objects”, which depicts some of our favorite professional athletes (mostly NBA players) as everyday items that represent their names. Again, even more than I love fan art, I love simple fan art, and with respect to Nancy Grace Monster Jams and the National Foodball League, Hora’s work may be my new favorite.

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Add Warren Moon to the gimongous list of athletes and sports figures who don't have enough common sense to take a taxi after drinking.  Moon, the former quarterback who now provides radio commentary for Seahawks games, was arrested for suspicion of DUI on Friday night and subsequently released.

However, just when I was about to launch into my usual cut-and-paste about how ridiculously easy it is to not get DUIs — especially when you're financially well-off — I checked in at Mike Sando's terrific Seahawks Insider blog: 

[A State Patrol spokesperson] said Moon was pulled over in Kirkland on April 6 and processed at the Kirkland Police Department. I called Kirkland Police [Monday night] and they had no information on this case. A spokesman said the department had nothing on record indicating Moon had been arrested. This was a WSP case, in other words, and Moon was never held at the jail there… It's impossible to know whether something serious occurred here, or whether this is one of those cases where the arrest makes headlines, only to have no charges filed in the end.

Wait, I'm confused.  Can I make fun of him for being an idiot or not?  Well, can I at least call him a wife-beater?  He was acquitted?  Ah, crap.  Black quarterbacks get away with everything.  They never get any scrutiny.

Over at the NFL FanHouse, mjd is celebrating the holiday season with a terrific feature called Santa's Lead Blocker, where he highlights offbeat NFL-related gifts available online. The most recent item? This spendiferous jacket that combines Warren Moon fanhood, early '90s fashion, and all the baby blue satin you could possibly want. The specs:

Rare Near new condition Houston Oilers Warren Moon #1 Jacket made by Starline 1991 NFL official Licensed product. Measures 22 inches across the shoulders and 28 inches from shoulder to waist and shoulder to hand.Needs to be cleaned as it has hung in a closet for some time.

Sadly, the bidding for this piece of Americana closed without a single offer. Probably because the minimum bid was $950. 

$950. Even Warren Moon was like, "That's a lot of hookers."