Sports

It Almost Happened: Michael Jordan to the Clippers - I can’t hear “Jordan to the Clippers? It almost happened!” in anything but Phil Hartman’s Troy McClure voice. I wish this would’ve happened, just so I could’ve see the words GREAT CLIPS in big letters without having to get my hair cut. [Smoking Section]

Punte on The Wrestling Podcast - In case you think I’m turning With Leather into With Spandex (c’mon Uproxx, that’s a money idea), here’s the previous managing editor on TH’s wrestling podcast talking about wrestling. See? I’m not that weird. The best part is when they mention what a great job I’m doing! [The Wrestling Podcast]

Tony Dungy Picture Demands Captions - I was going to run this yesterday, but couldn’t come up with anything more clever than HE GAY. Obviously you want to go the Revenge of the Nerds route here, but I don’t even think Lamar would wear shorts like that. [Kissing Suzy Call-ber]

War Machine is Writing a Book - What’s next, a memoir from US Agent? [Cage Potato]

Cliff Lee’s Spit Capable of Extinguishing Forest Fires - Jon gets to the “super soaker where you had to wear a backpack” reference before I can. Cliff Lee is still my favorite baseball player, and the number three reason why I sort of root for the Phillies (numbers one and two being “Phillie Phanatic” and “my girlfriend” respectively). [SB Nation]

The Dugout: Meet the Daigles - People are telling me this is the “funniest Dugout in years”, and I’m flattered enough to #humblebrag about it here. I think the best names for boys is just nouns. [The Dugout]

Not Sports

Lindsay Lohan is Never Going to Jail For Real For Anything - Lohan escapes further arrest while technically being arrested, and I think she could reanimate and kill the body of Nicole Brown Simpson in front of everybody and still get away with it. And I’m in the minority, I don’t really care about foxy teen Lohan, but LOVE cracked-out, omnisexual, constantly smoking MILF version. [The Superficial]

Midnight in Paris is Bill and Ted for Liberal Arts Majors - Arguably Bill and Ted itself is Bill and Ted for liberal arts majors. Bogus Journey, definitely. Bogus Journey is the best, and if you haven’t watched it in 20 years, go back and do that now. The movie’s climax is FAKE BEARDS. [Film Drunk]

Winklevoss Twins Finally Give Up the Fight with Facebook - Brandon Stroud likes this. In an older joke, they should CGI two Tilas Tequila as the villains for the Myspace movie. [Uproxx]

Tom Hanks No Habla Espanol - His cries of “WILSON!” would’ve been less impactful if the’d been “wheel-SONE!” Tom Hanks is Woody AND Forrest Gump, he can speak whatever language he wants. Colin Hanks, however, should only speak Spanish. [Warming Glow]

Beleaguered MMA fighter War Machine is in the news again.  This time it’s not for saying he hopes Barack Obama gets assassinated, or for calling various people “faggot” on his MySpace blog, but for a fight that occurred at a Las Vegas gay club.

[War Machine] was picked up by Las Vegas PD for misdemeanor battery Saturday morning after allegedly getting into a tussle at Krave Nightclub — a place described by one of their reps as “gay … but very straight-friendly.”

Cops tell TMZ security at Krave was escorting War Machine out of the club after a little brouhaha — when he allegedly turned on security and starting punching them. Security made a citizens arrest until Las Vegas PD could show up.

As soon as I saw this, I knew that there was only one place I could go to for the TRUTH, and that is War Machine’s MySpace blog.  But I was surprised to learn that it was pictures from a twilight zone camera, not homosexuals, that were the root cause of his troubles that night.

Read the rest of this entry »

War Machine — né Jon Koppenhaver — got dropped by the UFC in part for insensitive comments about the death of former UFC fighter Evan Tanner, and judging from his latest MySpace blog post, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say he probably won’t get picked back up any time soon. That is, unless publicly announcing that you hope the nation’s first black president gets assassinated is seen as a good thing.  It seems like a bad idea to me, but then I’m not very politically astute.

But seriously, why should the media keep pushing this story about some stupid new president taking office down our throats?  wtf indeed, War Machine.  wtf indeed.

[Fightlinker]

The UFC Fighter formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver has formally changed his name to “War Machine.” He was apparently happy with it as only a nickname until a trademark claim by TNA Wrestling made him take decisive action. He wrote on his blog (via CagePotato):

Turns out some gay ass wrestling federation threatened to sue [UFC] because they recently named one of their wrestlers The War Machine Rhino and trademarked the name.

Too fuckin’ bad that I have been using this name for 6 years, have it tatted on my body and it is what my fans yell out when I’m fighting.

If you know my personality then you know damn well I am not gonna let some faggot ass, FAKE wrestler steal MY name… SO 6 weeks ago I filed a change of name request and today I had court to make my name officially WAR MACHINE.

Not to get all technical, but wouldn’t Marvel Comics have the trademark [EDIT: copyright, whatever] on War Machine?  Uhhhh, not that I would ever read comics, ha ha.  Those are for gay nerdy losers.  GRRRR ARMPIT TATTOOS!!!

Production is a little slow at With Leather headquarters (read: Spearmint Rhino) this morning, so I thought I'd break out the flux capacitor and revisit a happier time, a time when Mark Messier obliterated that Willa Ford-humping pansy Mike Modano.  Stick around 'til the end for bonus footage reminiscent of a classic scene from Bart the Daredevil.

Oh, Mark Messier, I miss you.  Your well-rounded game, your leadership, your durability, your ruggedly handsome features– what?  I mean GRRR CROSS-CHECK!