Wanderlei Silva and Chael Sonnen have a lovely history. A couple of years ago, Silva gave Sonnen calm, constructive feedback about how the positives of fight promotion don’t outweigh the need to respect your opponents. Sonnen meekly accepted it with a “thank you.” Years later, SUDDENLY~, Sonnen thought Silva’s feedback was a “dirtbag move,” claiming he didn’t know what Silva was actually saying and vowing to “straighten this thing out.” Because, you know, as we’ve seen, Chael Sonnen’s trash talk always leads to something positive for him.

Anyway, word of the call-out has gotten back to Silva, and he responded with a conversational knockout blow on Fuel’s ‘UFC Tonight’:

“Jon Jones and Anderson Silva have been too nice to Chael. I want to suck his blood. I want to smell it. Not just fight – I want to hurt him. Chael is a joke, man. He’s going to be second forever. He’s never going to be first,” Silva said to Ariel Helwani. (via Cagewriter)

Ouch. That’s certainly a more valid and damning criticism than Sonnen’s “he uploaded a video to YouTube without my approval” angle. And check out that swift escalation from “you’re a dirtbag” to “I’m going to drain you of your blood with my mouth and also smell it because I hate you and your life is meaningless.”

Good luck with that, Chael. Maybe you should try calling out Bob Sapp?

On one hand, I was very surprised to recently learn that my favorite UFC ring girl in the history of the universe, Brittney Palmer, has her own action figure. I was also very surprised to learn that she’s an awesome painter and she sells prints on her website. Then, as I thought about it, I decided that it’s better that I don’t know because I would probably end up blowing all of my money on her art and collectibles, and I’m already two exit ramps from full-on Stalker City as it is, so I should probably chill out.

That said, hello Japan and free fights! Tomorrow night at 9 PM ET on FUEL TV, the pre-fight show begins for UFC on FUEL 8, live from the Saitama Super Arena in Tokyo. Now I’ve never pretended to be some big shot, fancy pants, city slicker UFC super fan type. I’m still growing into this whole MMA game knowledge-wise, but I like to think that I’ve picked up enough wisdom along the way to tell you that for a free fight, this card is outstanding.

But I will let you animals decide for yourself if this event is worth our time tomorrow night with another one of our UFC live discussions that Barack Obama has referred to as “The glue of American society”. Make sure to check out our own Lobster Mobster’s fight primer, and then join us tomorrow night for our special guest, South Dakota State Representative Steve Hickey. Wait, what’s that? Hickey canceled? Damn. Okay, then I’ll let this event’s special ring girl, SuJung Lee take us through the fight card instead.

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I’ve never fought professionally, so this video has taught me a valuable lesson — if a guy has his body wrapped around my arm and is trying to break it, I shouldn’t stand up and shake my arm around to make him stop.

By way of Cage Potato comes this clip from ‘The Ultimate Fighter: Brazil’ of Rony “Jason” Mariano Bezerra giving Team Wanderlei its first win, a first-round submission victory over Anistavio “Gasparzinho” Medeiros de Figueiredo. When they’re done ultimately fighting they should have a contest to see who can have the most names.

Anyway, sh*t gets real at the 1:40 mark, and a few moments and horrible noises later, Gasparzinho walks away with a spaghetti arm. Now Jason gets to square off with Hugo “Wolverine” Viana in the featherweight semis, and if I know anything about Wolverine I know it’s gonna take a lot more than that to break his arm. Advice: dismember him and bury the parts on different continents.

Two additional notes:

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… and that was the gayest thing I’d ever seen until I watched this video of Wanderlei Silva preparing for his UFC 132 fight against Chris Leben with the “Little Horse Drill”, a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu training technique also known as “piggyback chucklemonster slap-fighting”. It helps if you giggle while you do it. As you watch the video please keep in mind that I am not using “gay” as a synonym for “bad” or “worthy of derision” here, I am simply using it to mean “homosexual”.

And even that’s not a bad thing, because hey, it doesn’t matter how gay this is. If every guy in the video was shoot gay they could still rip off my arms and beat me to death with them, as human sexuality has nothing to do with toughness or personal worth. Hopefully any MMA fans watching this will be able to accept that the old pro wrestling talking point of “guys rolling around with each other in their underwear” is moot, because there are a lot of heterosexual reasons to bearhug and roll around with folks in your jammies. Think of it like a chicken fight in the pool, only everyone has a crew cut and prison tattoos. Wait, where am I going with this?

What I’m trying to say is that if anybody ever films me doing something like this it’d better be Nickelodeon, and I’d better be in the middle of a game of Wild and Crazy Kids.

[h/t to Cage Potato]