If you guessed “the part where she wears a peacoat and walks through a garden with a cane,” what’re you, new?

In today’s best possible video, German Vogue presents “It Had To Be You,” a short film about the things we’d do on our perfect, fantasy day with Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover model Kate Upton — looking at her, awkwardly trying to take pictures of her, falling over like an idiot while she rides horses, and horsin’ around with our bros while she floats around and has fun by herself on the other side of a pool. It’s like they went into my brain and stole my best case scenario! Get out of my head, Kate Upton German Vogue video!

Special note: This is totally sports-related, as it features horseback riding, swimming, and … uh, hay-lying? It also features her topless and getting sprayed in mouth with water, so shut up and let us write about it.

Not-at-all sexual-as-f**k-on-purpose imagery is below, in handy Vimeo and YouTube versions.

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New York Rangers star Sean Avery is famous for two things: wearing Auntie Nelda’s glasses and for battling homophobia in sports by interning at a 500-page perfume ad. Now he gets to be TMZ Famous for being arrested after one of the lamest police officer assault charges of all time.

The first report:

NHL star Sean Avery was arrested early this morning after he shoved a police officer who was trying to break up a loud party at his home in the Hollywood Hills … TMZ has learned.

According to law enforcement sources, a neighbor called police to complain about the noise coming from Avery’s home. When police arrived at about 1:00 AM, we’re told Avery answered the door … then shoved a cop and slammed the door behind him.

Sounds pretty uneventful, right? I wanted to pretend it happened exactly like that; a cop knocks on the door of Sean Avery’s hipster jazz party or masquerade ball or whatever and Avery answers, so the cop’s all “good evening sir I’m with the-” and Avery just shoves him and slams the door. But I guess the story was only getting shared on hockey blogs and wasn’t sensational enough, so a few hours later TMZ peppered it up with drama, name-calling and a celebrity romance flowchart. NHL star Sean Avery challenged cops to a FIGHT (their capitalization, not mine) and called the officers “fat little pigs”. Oh lord.

Sources tell us 31-year-old Avery immediately began running his mouth at the cops — telling them he would fight all of them … even challenging them to, “Come back without your badges.”

During the incident, Avery — who famously dated Elisha Cuthbert a while back — allegedly shoved an officer and slammed the front door on the cops.

We’re told cops began speaking with Avery through the door — and warned him that if he didn’t open the door, they would break it down. That’s when Avery decided to open up and cooperate.

I’m going to share this with you now, in the hopes that TMZ will get enough people talking and won’t have to start reporting the races of the policemen.