Today I learned that the 2014 Winter Olympics and Paralympics will take place in Russia, and I may have already known that but this is 2013 so I either packed it away in the POD storage unit in my brain or I deleted it so I could make room for the unofficial Taco Bell Volcano Sauce recipe, because that sh*t’s important. Either way, the 2014 Winter Olympics is something that will happen and people in Russia are already working on big things.
For example, people in Sochi are already busting their asses storing snow so they have enough for next year, and as I wrote that, I asked myself, “Do I go with a joke about Snow the rapper or say that ‘storing snow’ is a Lindsay Lohan cocaine euphemism?” but I didn’t want to deviate from the main point.
The Sochi Olympics mascots are already out doing their promotional thing, and they were met by this young boy earlier in the week. There’s really nothing much else to this other than look at this little Russian bro telling the rest of the world what’s up.
Watch the Worst Church Singer of All Time - Basically the opposite of the Wharvey Girls from O Brother Where Art Thou. Also, basically the opposite of someone who will ever have sex. [The FW]
Photoshop Challenge: Liam Neeson Versus… - I will not be even 1% surprised if this leads to Liam Neeson Vs. Predator in real life. Liam Neeson should try battling his performance in Phantom Menace. [UPROXX]
STen Pointless, Expensive On-Screen Props I Need to Own - BRING ME THE HEAD OF BABY SINCLAIR. [Warming Glow]
Cross Your Fingers: Dave Chappelle & Chris Rock Could Tour Together - Just like Watch The Throne, only Kanye and Jay-Z are still relevant. Yeah, sorry, no amount of being the black friend from Grown Ups is going to make me like you again, Chris. [Smoking Section]
“Total Recall” Remake Not Very, Uh, “Total Recall”-esque - Destiny is going to be disappointed. Total Recall is one of her favorite movies. In fact, like four of her five favorite movies involve Arnold. My girlfriend is weird. [Gamma Squad]
‘I Want You to Make My Mouth Pregnant’ leads AVN ‘Clever Title Award’ - Porn guys sure do have a weird idea of what constitutes “clever”. They should give Allie Sin a Newbery medal. [Film Drunk]
Stephen Colbert’s Interview With Maurice Sendak Was Outrageously Funny - Almost as cool as the time E.B. White and Bill Watterson went on Bill Maher and yelled at each other about religion. That didn’t happen, but oh man. [UPROXX]
Top 10 Pictures Of Vladimir Putin Beating Up Little Kids - Sometimes I feel like we should just start a blog about Russia. Somehow they were less crazy as evil Soviets. [Buzzfeed]
Stick Figure Decals For Your Unfortunate Lifestyle - The “my student could beat up your a-student!” bumpster stickers for a new generation. [Adult Swim]
Gina Carano explains why sex Is like cage fighting. If this doesn’t make you a fan, nothing will - And if you aren’t already a fan, you’re one of those Cage Potato commenters who hate everything. [FARK]
Single Men Vs. Single Women In NYC - As someone swimming in beautiful alty girls in Austin, Texas, this graphic is important and useful to me. [High Definite]
This year marks the 40th anniversary of the legendary Summit Series, which was a friendly hockey exhibition between Canada and Russia, presumably created as a big “F*ck you” to America during the Cold War. The event consisted of 8 games between the two nations – 4 in Canada and 4 in Russia – as they loaded their rosters with their top talents.
While Canada’s lineup featured NHL stars like Phil Esposito and Stan Mikita, Russia also unleashed some guys that nobody had ever heard of and I’m sure they were not pumped with any drugs or steroids that had been developed in secret underground or mountain side bunkers. Canada ultimately won the series 4-3-1 after an exciting Game 8 that featured the Canadian team scoring 3 goals in the third period, including a last second game-winner by Paul Henderson, after trailing 5-3.
Now, Russia’s Prime Minister and former President, Vladimir Putin, not only wants a rematch but he’s willing to play. In fact, he challenged Canada’s PM Stephen Harper to take the ice against him, and Putin can’t like his answer too much:
… press secretary Andrew MacDougall said the story was not true.
“The Prime Minister will not be playing hockey against Mr. Putin,” he said in an email.
The reason for this hoser-esque behavior? Apparently Harper might be upset that Putin jumped the gun and beat him to the challenge. Either way, the Summit Series celebration will happen, this time with just two games. But Putin wants the world to know that he’s ready to skate, because in Russia, the Prime Minister pucks you.