If you’re the type who Tebowed or recorded a ‘Gangnam Style’ parody within the first month of its relevancy, you’re probably in love with the Harlem Shake. The Dallas Mavericks are. So’s anybody with 20 friends, a video camera and a desire for thousands hits. If you’re a sports blogger like, say, Ashley Burns, you’re already so tired of Harlem Shake videos you’re posting hippo fartsin the name of the Harlem Shake on Facebook. Six months from now, they’ll Harlem Shake at the MLB All-Star Game, or whatever.

My theory is that the Shake becomes enjoyable when it gets hyper-ridiculous (or there are way too many people involved), so the impossibly niche “Wrestling Is Art” promotion’s battle royal Harlem Shake is right up my alley. Plus, it features two of my favorite esoteric, independent circuit pro wrestling character: Jervis Cottonbelly (the yellow guy dancing in front who looks like Mr. Peanut) and the Estonian Thunder Frog, the green guy on the right side ring apron with the big hammer. His gimmick is that he’s Thor, but also a frog. And he’s from Estonia.

You’ve managed to avoid the hippo fart from me for now, Harlem Shake. But … yeah, you’ll probably be back.

In only a week, YouTube user “hippykiller1” – a handle after my own heart – has amassed more than 5.1 million views on his video entitled, “The World’s Shortest Escalator”. But what on Earth could that incredibly confusing title mean? As it turns out, it means that Mr. Killer1 believes that he indeed found the world’s shortest escalator at the More’s department store in Kawasaki, Japan. As the narrator explains, this 32.8-inch exercise in laziness is apparently a “thing of beauty and magnificence”, but to me it sounds like something you’d find in a Central Florida Walmart.

Unfortunately for hippykiller1, though, his claim that these moving stairs hold the Guinness World Record for being the shortest is a bit unfounded. In fact, it’s completely unfounded, because it’s nowhere on the Guinness website. Shock and controversy in the world of meaningless data to begin 2013!

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Remember when Gangnam Style was something we could enjoy, before your mom and dad found out about it and the NFL on Fox mummies started Gangnam Style dancing as a “fun gag?”

Well, enjoy NO SURPRISE EXERCISE now, before these start showing up at Madonna concerts, or whatever.

Japanese comedy duo COWCOW presents “No Surprise Exercise,” the latest trending exercise regimen that no one is talking about. (via The Daily What)

The clip is after the jump. Trust me, if you liked the banner image up there, you’ll love the video.

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The Boston Celtics lost the 1987 NBA Finals to the Los Angeles Lakers in 6 games, but basketball purists and diehard fans will probably tell you that the Eastern Conference Finals between the Celtics and the Detroit Pistons was the real highlight of the playoffs that year. The particular legendary moment that a lot of NBA fans probably don’t even realize they’re viewing a few dozen times per season took place in Game 5, as the Pistons were on the verge of jumping out to a 3-2 series lead, before Larry Bird stole Isiah Thomas’ inbound pass and chucked it to Dennis Johnson for a game-winning layup. Even if you don’t think you’ve seen it, you have. It’s right here. Watch it and then say, “Ohhhhhhh yeah.”

Anyway, the reason that I bring this up is because a group called “Lift the Children” is trying to raise $56,000 via FundRazr to help some orphans in Kenya build a quality sports field so they can have a little fun and be better than my lazy ass at sports.

GRACE CARE CENTRE is home to over 200 children. There is nowhere for them to safely access a playing field. Please help turn their dreams into reality by contributing to this campaign, so the orphanage can purchase a field they desperately need.

Like most wise fundraisers these days, this group is trying to raise awareness by creating a viral video and job well done, folks. Lift the Children’s brain trust created a video of the orphans from the Grace Care Centre reenacting footage of the 1987 Eastern Conference Finals, complete with the original game announcers, and it is just spectacular.

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Some videos are made viral. Some videos are viral in the womb. Ladies and gentlemen, RAZORBACKS United We Stand.

EDSBS and Deadspin have just shared this video of a woman in a Razorbacks helmet (not the one Arkansas wears on the field, an actual hog-shaped helmet) and flair (“Hogs Are Beautiful”) singing United We Stand “in the style of Brotherhood Of Man” to celebrate the team’s 34-31 loss to Louisiana-Monroe. Maybe I should’ve put celebrating in quotes. I’m not sure what she’s doing, and frankly I started getting dizzy about 30 seconds into it. Oh, also, she’s got tape on her nose like Pee-wee Herman doing “mad dog” in his bathroom mirror.

Hopefully you’ll get to see this before it gets taken down, because every Arkansas fan with access to YouTube is demanding it. Sample responses: “Please take this down, lady. This is embarrasing”, “please take this down before it goes viral” and “Kill yourself”. This might be the viral video equivalent of Gia Carangi — too beautiful to die, too wild to live.

The best flagrant fouls should always involve Tyler Hansbrough.

A few years ago, I was at my local Publix buying some pregnancy tests when I ended up sharing the elevator to the parking garage with Bo Outlaw. Another guy started a conversation with him and asked if fouls were really as bad as some players made them seem, and Outlaw said that NBA players have it worse than NFL players because they don’t get pads. I scoffed at that idea and he looked me dead in the eye and said, “You try being 7-feet tall and getting thrown to the ground while you’re jumping” and I thought to myself, “Well, I’m 5-10, chubby and I don’t jump a lot, so I’ll take your word for it, Chet.”

The point of this week’s edition of “Cool Story, Bro” is that someone named Mike B or Mike 8, depending on your comprehension of fonts, made a video called the NBA Flagrant Foul Mix, and it’s an incredibly hilarious reminder that NBA players have loved beating the sh*t out of each other for a long, long time.

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