Somebody should start a Tumblr that is nothing but hockey players fighting each other over breakfast and justify it as an important part of the game. (Via Cosby Sweaters)

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Links

Backstage With Alison Brie’s Band, The Girls, And Jones Street Station |UPROXX|

‘Game of Thrones’ Recap: ‘The Night Lands’ |Warming Glow|

Twelve Minutes From ‘Lockout’ Is Like Snake Plissken In Space |Gamma Squad|

Dark Knight Rises gets PG-13 Rating |Film Drunk|

A Written History Of The Hoodie |Smoking Section|

The Dugout Opening Days ’12: Miami Marlins |With Leather|

Mad Men Discussion: It Was All A Dream, He Used To Read ‘Ad Age’ Magazine… |UPROXX|

The Best Of ‘Community’s’ #Pillows And Blankets |UPROXX|

Respecting The Hustle Of Kevin Hart |Smoking Section|

Simon Pegg vs. a Spooky Hedgehog |Film Drunk|

The Cuteness Is Strong With This One: Pictures From New Book ‘Darth Vader And Son’ |Gamma Squad|

The Many Faces of Jared Harris, ‘Mad Men’s’ Lane Pryce |Warming Glow|

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The only way this is actually skee ball is if the guy who runs the course has to come over, open it up and fix it every 15 minutes. (via Sweater Punch)

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Links

Meme Watch: Ridiculously Photogenic Guy Is Making The Internet A More Attractive Place |UPROXX|

20 Creepy Print Ads That Will Give Your Heebie Jeebies the Willies |Warming Glow|

The Awfulness Of Star Wars Kinect Inspires Harrison Ford Mashup And Gifs |Gamma Squad|

Blake Lively gets double teamed by drug dealers |Film Drunk|

The Dugout Opening Days ’12: Tampa Bay Rays |With Leather|

The Miami Heat And Oklahoma City Thunder Just Sold The NBA Finals |Smoking Section|

Texts From Hillary Wins The Internet Today |UPROXX|

‘Anchorman’ + ‘Hunger Games’ = Classy GIFs |UPROXX|

Mikkey Halsted Feat. Lupe Fiasco – “Gone” |Smoking Section|

Jesse Eisenberg’s sister is that girl from those Pepsi commercials |Film Drunk|

Give Me All The Years Without A Championship You Have |With Leather|

Star Wars Condoms Are The Protection You’re Looking For |Gamma Squad|

Is Jennifer Love Hewitt the Most Consistently Attractive ‘90s TV Star? |Warming Glow|

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This is how I’ve felt for the last month. April’s just gonna be a bunch of puppies sleeping videos. (via MPViral)

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Links

Which Action Star Has Inspired the Worst Video Games? Another (Sort of) Scientific Study - I was hoping ‘Rambo’ for the NES would get some love. That game isn’t any fun, but I always want to be playing it for some reason. [Gamma Squad]

10 Things We Learned At SXSW 2012 - #11. Get robot legs, because you aren’t 20 anymore. [Smoking Section]

Discussion Post and Poll: What Is Your Favorite Network Sitcom Besides ‘Community’? - I like ‘The Big Bang Theory’. I also like cupping my hands, farting into them and trying to scoop it into my mouth before the flavor dissipates. [Warming Glow]

All Of Our Favorite Parts Of Aziz Ansari’s Reddit AMA - Not reading this is a huge Oh No No. [UPROXX]

Belvedere Vodka Hoping To Sell Vodka With Rape Jokes, Apparently - They really missed the boat by not getting Bob Uecker to be their spokesperson. He’s got experience selling alcohol, knows Belvedere personally and wouldn’t rape people. [UPROXX]

This Week in Posters and Stills - The Dark Shadows posters are amazing and should just be bright white circles with actor names over them. [Film Drunk]

Scumbag Pets - My cat won’t stop dunking his entire arm into any glass of water I pour, does that count? [Buzzfeed]

11 Amazing Translation FAILS - This should just be 11 attempts by Armond White to review Lost In Translation. [HuffPost Comedy]

Watch Wes Anderson’s Sony Commercial Featuring Adorable Robots - Okay! [The FW]

You Can Do Side Bends Or Sit-Ups But Please Don’t Lose That Butt. “Mad Men” Is Back - ‘Mad Men’ is the best show since Seinfeld to be about nothing and have nothing ever happen. I’m happy to have it back, I just wish it was an hour of Pete Campbell. [Pajiba]

Ten Video Games Viewed From a Different Perspective - Number 11 is about the time I tried to play Skyrim while lying upside down on the couch. I might as well be trying to solve astrophysics quandaries. [Unreality]

Batman Was Pulled Over In a Lamborghini Gallardo In Montgomery County, Maryland - Great, now the Penguin is going to destroy Camden Yards and nobody will be there to stop him. [Brobible]

LOOK AT BANNER, TEBOW!

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- Like us on Facebook.

Links

The Craziest 10 Minutes In NFL History - This is about Joe Theismann’s leg breaking and all the gross replays, isn’t it? [Smoking Section]

Jennifer Lawrence Hurls A Bucket Of KFC Fried Chicken At A Basketball Hoop - Technically sports related! Also, possibly racist? [Buzzfeed]

6 Actors Who Played the Exact Same Role in Two Very Different Franchises - Chris Paul should be on this list. So should Ryan Gosling in ‘Drive’ and ‘The Mickey Mouse Club’. [Unreality]

Old Dirty Bastard biopic to star Omar from The Wire - Hey! Dirt-ay! Baby I got your honey (Nut Cheerios) don’t you worry! [Film Drunk]

‘Let Me Tweet That For You’ Will Be Your Favorite Thing On The Internet For The Next Five Minutes - This is one of those masterful moments of technology where you get excited to find it, then have absolutely nothing to use it for. Like Hypercolor. [UPROXX]

Will Ferrell Discusses Butt Sex, Demonstrates Dog Training Skills On Conan - Casa De Mi Padre was really funny, but the entire time I couldn’t stop thinking, “Man, I wish this was Black Dynamite“. [UPROXX]

This New Ending To Mass Effect 3 Explains Everything - Now I want to do one of these for The Blair Witch Project, just to put up a picture of the Blair Witch with THEY AIN’T EVEN SHOW THE BLAIR WITCH under it. [Gamma Squad]

The SF Giants Mascot Battle Royal, Or ‘Giant Seal Doesn’t Know How To Work’ - Reposting for posterity. Still the funniest and best thing to happen to me all week. [With Leather]

‘Mad Men’: The 8-Bit Choose Your Own Adventure Game - This needs to be more like the ‘Who Framed Roger Rabbit?’ NES game. I want to hop on one foot and punch Jimmy Barrett. [Warming Glow|]

13 Oddly Intelligent Instances Of Bathroom Graffiti - Saw one that said “yeah, but is it art?” inside a port-a-potty during SXSW. Didn’t know if it was talking about the pile of diapers or what. [HuffPost Comedy]

10 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Sloths - Thing 11: Sloths love Chunk. But maybe you knew that. [The FW]

Why Do the Sitcoms We Love Have So Little in Common with the Lives We Lead? - I don’t know what this article is talking about, when Zooey Deschanel broke up with the guy from Death Cab she moved into my apartment, and she and I and all our friends go on these wacky date-adventures that end with us being a little worse for wear, but better friends. [Pajiba]

Click to make it bigger. Personally I’m voting for Reggie Bush, because maybe if you have a bad enough life, the curse works in reverse?

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Links

What If Presidential Politicians Were More Like Kenny Powers? - I don’t know, Bill Clinton was already pretty much Kenny Powers and he was awesome. [Warming Glow]

Three Stooges trade Kate Upton’s heaving breasts for Sofia Vergara’s - Sorry, I’m gonna have to veto this trade. I may be interested in trading Kate for Monica Bellucci, though. [Film Drunk]

Leo Messi Hat-Trick Breaks Barcelona All-Time Goal Record - Puns about messy record-keeping, and at least two well-meaning jokes about how nobody watches soccer. [Smoking Section]|

The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 3/19/12: Little Mac Versus Bald Bull - If you haven’t already, go read my thing about pretend underwear fighting. People watch it, but it isn’t any good. Woo! [With Leather]

If Don Draper Handled Modern Marketing - “He’d would’ve slept with Jenna Marbles at least two years ago.” [UPROXX]

Meme Watch: Pissed Old Guy Is Very Pissed, Very Old - Back in my day, we hung pictures of old people on the walls of our schools, we didn’t photoshop sentences over them. [UPROXX]

Funny, Sexy, And Awesome Cosplay Of The Week - +1000000 for Ruby Rhod cosplay. Also, I’d like to be friends with the lady doing demade Harley Quinn. [Gamma Squad]

8 Funny Faces Of The “Mad Men” Cast At The New York Stock Exchange - Needs more “Pete doing the Charleston”. The new season also needs that. [Buzzfeed]

The Funniest #RomneyToys - The only problem I have with funny Republican candidate jokes is that you can’t do the same thing with Obama, because being super racist is usually the only joke Republicans have for him. [HuffPost Comedy]

Two Firemen Dressed in Drag Put Out Burning Car - Yep. [The FW]

A Photographic History of Jennifer Lawrence’s Brief Career - This is barely an article and is just a bunch of pictures of Jennifer Lawrence, but I’m not gonna complain. [Pajiba]

Hell is Other People – How Gamers are Ruining Gaming - I feel their pain about online gaming. I went online once with Red Dead, wandered around scared out of my mind that somebody was gonna call me the n-word, then logged off. It wasn’t great. [Unreality]

Military Dad Dresses Up as Captain America to Surprise His Son by Coming Home on His Birthday - The guy Military Dad’s wife is sleeping with while he’s gone should show up as USAgent. [Brobible]

And now, to cleanse your palate, here are 12 links about Peyton Manning.

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Links

News Anchor Drops F-Bomb When She Hears That Peyton Manning Will Sign with Broncos - Not as funny as the eventual follow-up, “Tim Tebow drops f-bomb in church when he hears God has forsaken him”. [Brobible]

Careful What You Tebow For - When I Tebow, I like to Tebow for world peace. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Video: Tyler Honeycutt Baptizes Michael Beasley - I’m guessing this also has something to do with Tebow? [Smoking Section]

Best of Mechanical Bull Fails - I love that HuffPo thinks “not successful riding the mechanical bull until the end” is a “fail”. He slowly slid off! LOL! [HuffPost Comedy]

Everything These Drunken Dumbass Brothers Needed to Know About MMA They Learned From a Chuck Liddell Highlight - Advice: do not attempt to recreate anything you’ve ever seen in your own backyard. [Cage Potato]

Michael Bay says new TMNT will be “edgy, lovable, aliens” - Michael Bay’s only interpretation of science-fiction is “aliens”. He should remake the Twilight Zone and have ever ending just be “aliens”. [Film Drunk]

Our 30 Favorite Wondercon Cosplay Photos So Far - Every year they should retire one costume from cosplay rotation. This year it should be The Joker. Actually, that should’ve been every year for the past 20 years. [Gamma Squad]

Sofia Vergara Is the Deserved Cover Girl for the Sex Issue - At least in a still photo you can’t hear her yell “JYAYYYYYYY, JYAYYYYYYYY”. [Warming Glow]

The Best Of #Roger Sterling - “Being in blackface once, getting robbed once and emotionally harassing Joan all the time” memed onto a picture of him having a heart attack. [UPROXX]

UPROXX @ SXSW: A House For Lions, Youngblood Hawke And The Workaholics House Party - Or, “how I spent my Friday afternoon”. A very tight butthole gallery. In fact, the only loose butthole aspect of the day was the complete lack of Jillian. [UPROXX]

This Liquor Store Has The Best Signs - Finally, someone’s taken the concept of funny church signs and applied it to the secular world. [Buzzfeed]

Every Itchy & Scratchy From The Simpsons - 48 minutes of your time well spent, especially when it gets to the Poochie parts in the middle. [NextRound]

5 British Shows That Will Please the “Downton-Abbey” Loving Old Lady Within You - I was hoping “Oh Do Behave!” was on the list somewhere. [Pajiba]