[Ed. note - In celebration of this week's theatrical release of The Muppets, here's our thing about Muppets. If you haven't seen it yet, you're in for a treat.]

We’re still a few months away from the release of The Muppets, starring and written by Jason Segel, but my excitement couldn’t be higher. Hold on, I’m receiving a breaking news message… *squirrel in a hot air balloon drops a note tied to an acorn on the table* … it appears that The Muppets also stars Rashida Jones and Mila Kunis, so I may have an awesome heart attack soon. In the meantime, it’s Friday and now I’m all Muppety, so what the hell can I do to resolve this?

Thankfully, while looking for something completely unrelated yesterday, I stumbled across the Muppets Wiki site and started perusing the history of the happiest shows of my childhood – The Muppet Show and Sesame Street. Eventually I realized that a lot of athletes have been told how to get to, how to get to Sesame Street over the past 42 years, and it all started with Jackie Robinson in 1969. From there, children and adults who are still children at heart watched with glee as their favorite athletes stopped by to teach us about the alphabet, sharing, numbers, living in garbage cans, depression, being a giant bird, same sex partnerships with bottle cap enthusiasts, and building motor skills, among others.

After the jump, I’ve compiled an extensive history of athletes making appearances on Sesame Street and with the Muppets. If you don’t enjoy this or smile the whole way through, then I’m afraid we’ll never be friends. And that would make Big Bird very sad.

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Tennis star Venus Williams surprised onlookers last week by wearing pants that completely covered her ass.  Also, she was filmed on a Carnival Cruise doing a choroegraphed karaoke dance routine to a 311 song, judged by the leader singer of 311.  I’m not sure when that sentence stops being true and descends into a Eugène Ionesco level of Absurdism.  I’m also not sure whether the guy from 311 judged Venus based on his own standards for sub-Incubus jamband talk-singing, or on how naturally her amber-colored energy causes shades of gold to display.

In case you don’t believe this actually happened (and remember, we’re on the same Internet as an entire gallery’s worth of corgis wearing sunglasses), please click through and watch the video for yourself.  And watch it quickly, before somebody takes it down, down.

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The women’s tennis world is abuzz after Venus Williams laid a hurting on Patty Schnyder in the first round of women’s action at the French Open. Venus won convincingly in back-to-back sets, topping Schnyder 6-3 in both contests. Yep, people are super excited over Williams’ tennis skills… *receives paper from Punte’s messenger hawk* Oh neat, it’s a phot-OH DEAR GOD!!!

Tennis be damned, said Williams, who arrived at Roland Garros yesterday apparently running late from a bachelorette party. Her lacey, frilly, far-too-revealing outfit is surprisingly not an indication of a new endorsement deal with Trashy Lingerie, but a testament to her new “motif” for this year, as she told reporters. That motif, Michael? It’s illusion.

Make me blind with acid, Busted Racquet:

Despite looking more like she was auditioning for a spot at a 19th century cabaret than playing in the year’s second Grand Slam event, Venus won with ease, 6-3, 6-3. She wore a similar can-can style outfit earlier this year in Miami.

Venus said the look was all about “illusion,” but didn’t state whether she’d wear it again during the tournament. Typically, she says, she comes to a match with eight to 10 outfits.

ASYLUM POLL: Is Venus Williams’ tennis apparel over the line?

The illusion she’s referring to is possibly the pair of flesh tone shorts she wore beneath her skirt, making it appear like she was airing out the curtains. The outfit in question isn’t anything new, as Venus has a history of wearing risqué outfits to her matches. Surprisingly, I hear when she makes love she wears a suit of armor and a Sherpa coat.

Venus caused a similar stir in January when she wore a skimpy green skirt and flesh tone underwear while playing in the Australian Open, prompting the Huffington Post to dub her the “ultimate Australian Open hottie.” When reached for comment, my balls added: “Yeah, we can’t believe he invoked the Huffington Post either.”

Deadspin and Huffpo have been all over this “Was Venus Williams Not Wearing Underwear?” debacle, as if (a) Any professional athlete would take the field/court/ice without wearing the adequate britches, or (b) anyone could resist mentioning Venus’ unmentionables. Hey, guilty as charged. But call of the dogs, it was just brown undies.

And I realize that, for some of you, this isn’t your bag, but personally, I like a little extra junk in the trunk. Will we see an all-chocolate get-up from Venus to make everyone believe she’s totally in the buff? Let’s hope not. I can only give tennis so much attention as it is. Between this and our peeing ballboy, I’ve had my fill.

Tennis phenoms Venus and Serena Williams are looking to purchase a share of the Miami Dolphins from new owner Stephen Ross, joining other celebs such as Gloria Estefan, Marc Anthony and that one chica that used to date Ben Affleck.

“We don’t know what’s going on,” Williams said after her second-round match at the Rogers Cup Wednesday night in Toronto. “There’s been preliminary talks and, hopefully, it will work out. I mean, that would be a great opportunity for both of us. We’ll see what happens.”

Reports from the United States suggested an announcement would be made on Tuesday. The sisters live about an hour from where the Dolphins play. via.

Is there anyone reading this right now that DOESN’T own a share of the Miami Dolphins? Anyone? I think Ufford picked up his share last week. This is turning out to be the People’s Football Team. They should change their colors to red and gold and adopt the hammer-and-sickle as their logo. That’s a communism joke. Nothing dries up readership or women’s panties like economics talk.