El Perro de la Langosta dice, "Caramba! Ese un hombre con la muneta!"

In news that’s a few weeks old and should have never happened, grown men from across Venezuela gathered in the country’s capital city, Caracas, on December 11 to compete for the title of Miss Barbie Venezuela. Adult males primped and preened the classic Barbie dolls by styling their hair and creating custom dresses, then they gave their dolls extensive backgrounds – careers, educations, philanthropic work, etc. – and shared them with the audience as if they were actually beauty pageant contestants. And can you believe it, not once did they make their Barbie dolls have sex with a Stretch Armstrong.

The winner of this year’s Venezuela title was someone who does not deserve the effort of a Google search, and he can proudly go on to compete at the 2011 Miss Barbie Universe pageant, which will take place in the 7th circle of hell.

Anyway, video of the Miss Barbie Venezuela pageant surfaced over the weekend, and if you think your life sucks, well, don‘t go dropping a toaster in your bubble bath just yet. There she is, Miss Barbie Venezuela, after the jump…

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Venezuelan champion boxer Edwin Valero was jailed on charges of going O.J. Simpson on his wife in a hotel room, but he figured out a way to avoid trial. He hung himself in his jail cell using his clothes. Yeah, that was probably a bad way to set that up.

Valero had two children, a 7-year-old boy and a 5-year-old girl.

Valero’s manager, Jose Castillo, said the boxer should never have been allowed out of the rehabilitation center.

“This is a huge tragedy for the world of boxing, we are so sad,” he told reporters. –WaPo.

Before the incident, Valero was in rehab battling an alcohol addiction, which is a phrase I never really understood. If I eat a ham and cheese sandwich, I’m not battling the sandwich. I’m eating it. But I guess it’s different when one fights other people for a living, and, really, is the hero of his countrymen. I feel bad for the kids. To lose both parents in such a sudden and bizarre way is truly sad.

The Beautiful Game is calling this goal by some Venezuelan in the Ecuador-Venezuela World Cup qualifier the greatest goal of all time.  And yeah, I guess scoring from midfield on a free kick is pretty impressive, but I prefer my greatest goals ever to have a lot of great dribbling and/or passing.  A single kick where the entire wall ducks doesn't quite do it for me, no matter where it's from.

Besides, how can it be the greatest goal of all time if Tom Brady didn't score it?  How is this supposed to be memorable if it doesn't happen in a Red Sox-Yankees game?  It's Ecuador and Venezuela.  No one even knows where those countries are.  I mean, the players look kinda brown, so I'm guessing they're somewhere under Texas.  Maybe we should be more impressed that they have the technology to televise a soccer game than some guy kicking the ball really hard and far.