Students, faculty and a bunch of townies at the University of Tennessee-Martin enjoy nothing much than walking around on expensive fake grass. So, naturally, they were only too thrilled that the school threw a “turf party” to celebrate the installation of $750,000 in FieldTurf at the Skyhawks’ Hardy M. Graham Stadium.

Fans were invited to walk and play on the turf as well as take home a sample patch of the new surface.

“I think it’s fabulous,” said UTM fan John Abel. “It is great that the community can come out here and actually play on the turf just to see how it feels.”

FieldTurf is a combination of rubber and sand.

Although it is used in 21 NFL stadiums, UT-Martin, a member of the Ohio Valley Conference, is the college in the state using this surface. Phil Dane, the school’s athletic director, is thrilled with it. “Consistency is the main benefit, no one will have to worry about the weather, it will help with safety, it will help the coaches, and it will stay maintained with little help,” said Dane. “It will not need chemicals, and will not have to be painted or have maintenance.”

“Hooooo-we! No maintenance! That means we can fire all them immigrants we been paying to keep it in shape!”

In fact, fans liked it so much, they decided to replicate their own FieldTurf at home. All it requires is throwing their unused rubbers in their children’s sandboxes. But that’s where they were already! Hot damn! C’mon over, everybody! It’s a turf block party!

Awful Announcing picks up on some comments that the most surprising Super Bowl-winning coach ever, Barry Switzer, made to Scouts.com that supports the rumors that FOX is in contract talks with the recently maybe-retired-until-he's-not quarterback Brett Favre.

That’s why FOX included Switzer on its studio show last year, pairing him as a “Grumpy Old Man’’ with long-time friend/nemesis Jimmy Johnson. But Switzer told me on Friday that while the network is still negotiating with him about a role, FOX may replace him on its totem pole with another legendary name.

“Well, they’re talking to Favre,’’ said Switzer as we both attended OU’s Honorary Degree luncheon on the school’s campus. “I still think they want me involved in some way. But with Brett. … they might pair him in a segment with (Terry) Bradshaw, I don’t know. … It’s a lot of fun for me, but there’s only so much time (available) on that show. And, hey, he’s Brett Favre!’’ 

That's some wonderful teevee right there. Two yuckfuck Southern QBs gabbing about the best way to sizzle possum on the sidelines. Favre could also give Cleatus, the FOX robot, with a gun to sling and provide endless speculation about un-retiring, much in the way Bill Cowher does on CBS. They could commit 10 minutes to segments with Frank Caliendo doing a turn as Madden begging Favre to come back. It'll be so spot-on!

Of course, should this go down, I think we can mark down Peter King making the jump from NBC before the ink is dry on the Favre contract. PK's pants, however, will never dry around his Bretty Boy.

FOX's NFL crew, which every week brings us the unbridled jackassery of Terry Bradshaw tempered with the self-important smugness of Joe Buck, had one of its finer moments this past Sunday.

Buck noted one fan near the Fox outdoor pregame set cooling her face with a beer can after being hit by a football thrown by analyst Terry Bradshaw.

That's terrible, right? The dumbshit ex-quarterback sporting the bald mullet jacks a woman in the face, and she has to ice it with a beer? Surely Buck — most famous for castigating Randy Moss after pretending to moon the crowd after a touchdown catch — would scold Bradshaw for his negligence? Uhh…

"Now we know how Terry has to meet women."

Oh. Ha ha. Oh that's hilarious. I didn't realize Buck was a comedian. Join me in laughing with my brow furrowed and my lower lip jutting out. Ha. Ha ha. 

I don't understand why gay magicians have to get attacked by white tigers, while Joe Buck and Terry Bradshaw go on living happily without ever getting mauled. It just doesn't seem fair.